Date Your Wife

The dynamic duo of Garrett J and Danielle K White hold nothing back in this week's Date Your Wife podcast where they tackle the topic of Communication while candidly exploring the pros and cons of alcohol use in their marriage, the seemingly magical power women have over men, and how wearing frumpy lulu sweat pants and 40 pounds of excess fat around your mid section sends a clear message to your spouse that you don't give a shit. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Deep Communication Is Vital At the end of the day, what we’re really talking about is being able to get to the place where you can have conversation. If one thing triggers you about your spouse, it’s hard to talk about anything else. What you’re triggered about is usually something that’s really, really important to you. So being able to communicate about it is vital to your sanity and to the health of your marriage. One of the things Garrett and Danielle used as a couple was alcohol to support them in that path. It opened up a space where they could have hard conversations and go deeper beyond surface conversation. Alcohol also created for them the opportunity to experience sexuality with each other even when they were arguing and fighting about a ton of other shit, which is a part of what kept them going. QUESTION: What tools do you use that help you and your spouse have deeper conversations without setting off fireworks? Point #2: When Alcohol Becomes a Problem After a certain amount of time, alcohol was no longer working for them. In recent weeks, Garrett had become less patient and quick to lose his temper with Danielle and their eldest daughter, causing him to make the decision to walk away from alcohol for the past 15 days from when this episode was recorded and going.  Danielle: On Date Nights, drinking was like a treat and was fun for us. It allowed us to let go of the day and just relax. When it became like a dependency, I was thinking it might be becoming a problem. After work, I would come home and drink a glass of wine with dinner every night and think that's totally normal, but then one glass would turn into two or three and I realized I didn't really want to be that person drinking a glass of wine every night. QUESTION: What habits have you taken on in your marriage that are no longer serving you?  What would it take for you to make the decision to walk away from them? Point #3: Dress the Part How you dress sends a non verbal message of energy towards your spouse every single day. Danielle: Date Night changed everything for Garrett. He was dressing in an old plaid shirt, but he didn't feel sexy in it. When he started dressing up, he knew that he looked good and sexy, which translated into energy and confidence. Danielle: I’m a fan of dressing to feel on point. It just makes me feel better and I’m ready to go for the day. The days when I don’t take the time time to get ready, I just don't feel great. What energy am I putting off? Like I don’t give a shit? Instead of putting on my mom outfit, I’m going to throw on some jeans and some cute shoes just to make me feel like I have put myself together for the day. I feel better doing it and I have a more productive day. QUESTION: What changes are you willing to make to your wardrobe to reflect a sexier, more confident you? Point #4: Straight Talk Garrett: There are a lot of women who don’t dress up except once a week on Date Night. I’m not telling you you have to dress up like a princess every single day, all day long. What I am telling you is this: How you dress impacts the energy of what your husband sees when he comes home. If he comes home to the frumpy sweat pant lulu lady in constant ponytails, let me tell you what’g going to happen: there’s going to be lack of attraction. Garrett: A vast majority of the married men that I have met are in worse shape than their wives. Men, your body did not go to shit show bringing babies into this world. This is like pushing a pumpkin out of your penis. You're carrying bullshit weight and your wife’s not turned on about it either - not just because of your body, but because you don’t feel powerful about the way you look. QUESTION: Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself: Would I be turned on by my appearance? Point #5: Let Me Hear Your Body Talk Garrett: Let’s pretend that your body is a witness of your commitment to your wife, that what you’ve done to your body and how it looks is currently communicating more to your wife about your commitment to your marriage than anything you're trying to tell her. It’s not about six packs, bikini beach bodies or being super shredded. At the end of the day, you’ve got to be on point about the way way you feel about your body, and inside of that you have to feel on point about how you package yourself. It’s all about the energy and what makes you feel confident. QUESTION: How do you feel about your body? Communication Challenge: What can you do in the way you are currently presenting yourself to your partner physically? Write down something in the way you dress that would start sending the message: Hey, I actually care about myself! Send Garrett and Danielle some of your thoughts on why this show has been working for you, along with topics you would like to hear us discuss to: garrett@wakeupwarrior.com Date Night Topic: Talk about what you can do inside of your marriage that would allow for you to actually be able to isolate and discuss one or two of your problems as a couple. Quote of the Week: "To all you men who let their bodies go and never have to carry the children: You haven’t had to get pregnant or carry the baby for nine months and then push a fucking baby out of your penis. You literally have no excuse. You want to get laid. You want to get connected, but what are you communicating to your wife when you come out of the shower with a towel on and your extra 30-40 pounds, your hairy back and chest? No matter what, your wife is not turned on by this. Your lights are getting turned down and there’s no show going on because you’re not actually showing that you give a shit." --Garrett J White "Ladies, if you’re in a good mood and your husband’s in a bad mood, don’t let him bring you down to that level. Understand it's probably not even about you. Walk a little sexy, be flirty, go kiss his ear a little bit, smile, rub up against him, turn on your charm. Whatever they're pissed about will go away - they just can't help it!" --Danielle K White  

In the show that is sparking an opportunity for married couples to have conversations they wouldn’t normally be able to have, married co-hosts Danielle K and Garrett J White dive deep into the topic of Parenting in this week's real and raw Date Your Wife Podcast as they discuss discipline, connection and what really matters to them as parents. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Miscarriage Danielle and Garrett have a thoughtful and candid conversation about her miscarriage that happened while Garrett was in Florida speaking at the recent Click Funnels event. "As women, most of the time we know we are pregnant long before a test tells us we are, as we tend to be naturally intuitive about our bodies." Danielle was hesitant to tell many people she was pregnant because somehow she knew this pregnancy wasn’t going to last and she didn’t want to get her hopes up too much in case something like this were to happen. QUESTION: If you have experienced a miscarriage, how has it affected you, your spouse and your children? Point #2: The Puppy Parenting Strategy Danielle's beloved Weiner dog, Chloe, is 14 years old and has had a self designated poop rug in every house the White's have ever lived in. Garrett is Chloe’s master poop picker upper and Danielle claims cute Chloe drops those logs on the rug simply because she and Garrett haven't taught her well, nor have they been consistent with her, while Garrett swears it's because of doggy poop karma. Danielle: I suck at being consistent as a parent and am full of empty threats. I don’t even know how to parent my ten year old daughter. I’m always thinking of things to take away from her for her punishment or giving her time frames to complete things, but she doesn’t seem to care. She is so stubborn and hates being told what to do. QUESTION: In what ways are you and your spouse consistent or inconsistent with your children? Point #3: Conflicting Parental Strategies Although Danielle admits she has no parenting strategy, she feels Garrett's approach is too harsh and tends to get in between he and the kids when he is trying to discipline them his way. Garrett shares that they're a shit show in a lot of areas and that they really don't have much figured out when it comes to parenting, except in a couple of areas where they both admit they really shine at being parents: connection and family time. Garrett: Sometimes I’m not even sure how to respond to my children because we have such contradicting strategies for parenting. I’m very much in your face, aggressive and yelling, where Danielle obviously does not do this. Oft times this causes collision. QUESTION: What ways of disciplining do you and your spouse tend to agree on? Point #4: Take Off the Filters Garrett: As adults we have been trained to stuff everything down, we've been trained to not talk about the truth or reality. The one thing that I was worried about as a father was giving our children the space to be emotionally honest with us in our home, which means being able to talk to us about hard things. Amidst the fact that Danielle and Garrett admittedly have very obvious dysfunction in their disciplining skills, the one thing they agree to having is a deep connection and open communication with their children. There's no topic that's considered taboo or off limits. In their home, the kids are exposed to a reality check of how life really is, which includes debate, disagreement and open conversation. QUESTION: Is the filter on or off at your home? What can you do to create a more open environment for your family?   Point #5: Get Clear On What Really Matters Garrett: What exactly is your commitment to your children? You’re not going to win all of the wars in all of the categories. If you do, what you will end up with is a very sedated child who is doing a shit load of stuff behind your back. I need to know that my children can take care of themselves. I need to know that my daughter has the power to take a stand for herself when I’m not around or when Danielle’s not around. You’re never going to have a perfect situation no matter what you try to do, and you’re never going to have it all figured out and have nailed down every single aspect of parenting with your children. QUESTION: What are the parts of parenting that actually matter to you?   Communication Challenge: What is the part of the relationship between you and your children that actually works? Date Night Topic: What are the things that are non negotiable for you inside this relationship between you and your children - the things that you are going to battle hard on? What are all of the other things that would be nice to have but you're going to let them go or let them slide while you focus all of your energy on your main commitment?   Quote of the Week: "You need to pick what your battles are. We are all trying to create a game that makes sense for our children and for us as parents. We are not perfect with this, we don’t profess to be, nor do we pretend like we have all of the answers. Something we do have is the communication and the opportunity to share." --Garrett J White   "I’ve noticed on the topic of communication, because it is our strength with our children, that cousins, siblings, and people outside of the family feel like they can come to us and share things with us. We’re the safe place for people come to tell things to." --Danielle K White  

In this this week's topic of Money, Garrett and Danielle explore the idea that the best return of investment you can make is that of time and experiences with your spouse and children and share stories and tips on how to pull this off successfully, no matter what circumstances you may currently find yourself in. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: Feeling Like An ATM or Piece of Ass? Inside the game of Relationship, money itself is a controlling tool for most men. Men use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. At the end of the day, this seduction loop leaves many men feeling that the only validation they get is when they make the money - like they are an ATM. The wife can be feeling like she’s 'just a piece of Ass' and a non paid slave. Taking care of the home and the children is a full time job in and of itself, worth a lot more than many men are giving their wives permission to spend. QUESTION: What actions tend to follow when you feel like an ATM or a piece of Ass inside your marriage?   Point #2: Unplug and Let Go Women understand that men have worked all day yet want them to unplug from work and just be present with the family when they are home. Men feel like their day never ends. They come home from a long day of work and then are expected to be fully present with their wife and children. Garrett: I want to spend time with you, not the stressed out version of you that’s worrying about cleaning the fucking house right now. I don’t want a fucking check list of things to clean. I want to be with you. QUESTION:What do you do that helps you transition from work to home in becoming present with your spouse and children?    Point #3: What's Your Story? Garrett: There are going to be guys with stay at home wives up in arms about this, saying: What?! Let me get this shit straight: I’m going to go pay somebody to come into my home to clean and do the laundry?  That’s the woman’s job. She has to do that. That’s why she’s home! What if you questioned the story: My wife’s the one that is supposed to clean and make dinner. It’s the guy’s job to mow the lawn. Who made these rules anyway? QUESTION: What stories are you hanging onto about the different roles of men and women that are hindering your ability to grow together?   Point #4: Spend Money to Buy Time Garrett: One of the ways you can use money as a man inside of your home and inside of being together as a couple is to use your money in a way that buys the thing for the family that gives them what actually matters: TIME.  There’s this transition that comes with being willing to spend money to buy time. Danielle: People get emotionally bogged down over the stupidest shit. No matter what role you play in your family (working mom, stay at home mom, community mom) there are all of these little things that could lift the weight off our shoulders, relieving tension and guilt, freeing up more time to spend with the family - which is so worth it to me. QUESTION: Where in your life could you make some little adjustments that would free up more time to spend together as a couple or as a family?   Point #5: Your Family Is An Investment Garrett: Gentlemen, I’m going to have you consider that the greatest rate of return is to make sure that you stay together as a family. One of the ways to pull this off is to create conditions for your wife to actually have more opportunities. Danielle: Women tend to take on the persona of Wonder Woman - I can do it all! I can be everything! It’s not realistic, and those who say it is are lying to themselves. You've go to be ok with the idea that you can't do everything. QUESTION: How are you investing in our family in terms of  dollars, time and experiences?    Communication Challenge: At the end of the day, if your money doesn’t serve you and your marriage and family, then what is the point in having it, anyway?   Date Night Topic: What are some of the investments you can make irregardless of the amount of money you have? In my world, there were plenty of times I was in shitty old sweats with a t-shirt and I was trying to figure out how to do these two things, and you can too. #1 - How are you going to take some dollars this week to buy some more time for you and your family so that you can have #2 - The time and experiences that matter?   Quote of the Week: "You tell me where you’re going to get a higher rate of return: Money in your 401k plan, or money in a babysitter to watch your children while you take your wife out on a date? Where are you going to get a higher ROI? Putting money into a cleaner to buy your wife more sanity so she doesn’t become a fucking crazy person, or putting money back into your 401k plan? Where are you going to get a higher rate of return? Taking money and time to invest in experiences with your children, or putting money into your 401k plan?." --Garrett J White "Guilt is the #1 destructive thing. It’s the enemy. It does not serve you. If you find yourself feeling guilty, ask yourself: How can I let go of this guilt? How can I change this story? Find your balance, find out how to let go of the guilt, and more importantly, learn how and create a story that serves you best." --Danielle K White  

Grab some popcorn, folks, and get ready for another off the charts episode of the always spicy and highly entertaining Date Your Wife podcast, featuring  the refreshing "tell it like it is" co-hosts, Garrett and Danielle White. They're at it once again as they delve into Garrett’s self proclaimed favorite topic of Sex. Danielle calls Garrett out on his creepy strip shows in his weird thong and invites him to become more comfortable with his sexuality, and Garrett says he doesn’t want empty sex - aka: vaginal masturbation. Fan favorites Quickie Quickie Porn Star and TTF are back in the mix, and there's a new arrival on the scene: Slip 'n Slide. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: Sexy Seduction 101 Being sexy is as simple as walking around in a new bra and underwear while casually asking, "Have you seen my toothbrush?" Garrett suggests saving money by skipping the bra and just buying the panties. Sometimes it’s a 'top-stays-on-bottom-comes-off' kind of night. Other times, it’s an everything comes off, keep the lights on and do a little dancing around kind of night. Most women need a little wining and dining before the main course. Take her there just a little bit and then worry about yourself.   QUESTION: How have QQPS (Quickie Quickie Porn Star) and TTF (Touch Me-Tell Me-Fuck Me) become game changers in your marital sex life? Point #2: Sex Therapy Is Not About Sex Throughout their marriage, Danielle had never felt there was a safe space to talk about sex with Garrett, making it awkward for her to even bring up. She found herself starting to believe his story about her that she didn't want to have sex. Sex therapy for the White’s yields the single greatest breakthrough for Garrett after Danielle divulges a piece of information that instantly shreds a story he created during his first marriage and brought with him into theirs. Garrett creates a new story which shifts and rocks their world. QUESTION: Men: What is your sexual story?   Point #3: The Perfect Storm As a 15 year old Mormon teen who has been raised that sex before marriage is taboo, Garrett divulged to his parents his plan to have sex with his 18 year old girlfriend after the upcoming Prom. He gets immediately shipped away to live with his grandparents in Utah for a couple of months, and as a result, never has a conversation about it or closure with his girlfriend whom he has been dating for a year and is madly in love with. Garrett dates his first wife under the umbrella that says sexual relations are taboo before marriage. Yet, they fool around and have sexual relations, lie about it to their religious leaders, adding to the guilt and shame created when he was 15. Sex in his marriage with Danielle becomes problematic, as Garrett carries into it this brewing cesspool of guilt, shame, and pain, while Danielle, because of her Mormon upbringing, feels like she has to stifle her sexual feelings that come natural to her.   QUESTION: How has your upbringing shaped and influenced your attitude, beliefs, and stories about sex?   Point #4: It's Written in the Stars In her astrological studies, Danielle is validated by her discoveries that, as a Taurus woman, she is very sensual, loves cuddling, and is very happily satisfied with her traditional approach to sex because a good thing never gets old. She's been changing it up with QQPS, which Garrett loves. Communication for Gemini’s is huge and they love to be emotionally stimulated more than anything else. Garrett realized that he had gotten so disrespectful as a husband and exposes the lie that all he wanted was someone to have sex with everyday. What has exploded their sex life is their connection to truth. QUESTION: What is written in the stars about you individually that resonates with you, that can serve you and your spouse in your marriage? Point #5: Your Story is Your Biggest Problem Garrett - I didn’t know what our relationship would be if we weren’t always arguing about having sex. Danielle: I was fearful and wondering, if we have a new story, does that mean we have a new story with with somebody else? There was a lot of action and collision that had to happen, which were really a pursuit of truth underneath the surface of all the lies that we were telling, which came in two forms: the blatant lies we were telling and the stories that we started to believe. Your stories are powerful enough to convert your husband or wife to believe.   QUESTION: What are the lies that the collision in your marriage is trying to uncover?   Communication Challenge: What is your sexual story? Do the investigation on your own about your own story, and then in a conversation with your spouse, share your results with them. Date Night Topic: On your date night, be open to having a conversation that the stories you tell are your biggest problems.   Quote of the Week: "We had come to the point where our stories had become so intense that it was almost easier for us to burn the story, burn the relationship, than just try again with somebody else. But the crazy part was, guess what we would have taken with us? The same fuckin story." --Garrett J White   "I bet a lot of men feel like that towards their wives [I need a vagina. We're married. Your vagina is mine.]  It devalues the actual qualities that they want and need to create fulfillment, and it devalues those qualities in themselves. They start looking at and treating their wives as objects. I felt that way and was thinking 'you better give me more credit than just being a good piece of ass." --Danielle K White  

It's never a dull moment with the White’s in this week's edgy and spicy Date Your Wife conversation on the topic of Communication, as they delve into the world of Astrology and Natal Charts, revealing startlingly accurate and sometimes surprising traits about each other. At times their entertaining and flirtatious banter delivers jabs akin to a highly competitive sparring match. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week's Podcast....COMMUNICATION Point #1: Understanding Trumps Assumption During their recent vacation, Danielle found herself completely submerged in the world of Astrology, studying personality and compatibility traits of both she and Garrett. What has taken Garrett fifteen years to discover about himself, Danielle has been able to figure out in ten minutes while lying on the gorgeous beaches of Maui sipping a Margareta. Danielle: I'm just trying to figure out how we operate, why we do the things we do, and what makes us tick. With communication specifically, that’s what triggers people. You can say something that will trigger a person if you don’t have an understanding of who they are, where they’re coming from, or what their intentions are.   QUESTION: How does having an understanding of your spouse's modus operandi influence the way you communicate with them? Point #2: Is Your Relationship Account Overdrawn? Garrett has been working late every night and Danielle wants to spend more time with him, which she recently communicated to him. He has been wanting her to communicate her feelings more often to him, but once she did, Garrett flipped it into an argument. A text and audio battle ensued. Garrett: Part of the problem is you don’t make any deposits in my account and tell me I’m doing a great job, which is very important for me. I feel like you are starving me. Danielle: I've come to realize that communication is very important to you and that you always need tons of validation, tons of communication, and tons of praise.   QUESTION: When was the last time you made a deposit in your relationship account? Point #3: Can You Outsource Your Love Language? When our gas tanks are low, we have zero desire to fill up each other's gas tanks. We start to drift and become strangers in the night,  and the next thing you know we’re talking divorce. This was always our pattern. I was giving her what I wanted to receive instead of what she wanted and needed to receive, and vice versa. Garrett realized when he sends a love note to Danielle, it's because he wants to receive love notes. Danielle: Can I have someone else write love notes to you? Garrett: You want to outsource your love? Ok, you go outsource it and send me a daily gdamn love letter. And I'll outsource a guy to show up and sit on the couch and just sit there while you put your legs on him.   QUESTION: How has understanding each other's Love Languages improved the way you communicate? Point #4: Respect is Like Peanut Butter Danielle: I think we have a lot of respect for each other and recognize how hard we have worked to get where we are. Even though we might not think the same, we have the same intentions and goals. I’ve realized I am never going to get you to see the world the way I see it.  And I need to just accept that. Garrett: I think we have the same energy and drive. But we definitely don’t agree on everything and that’s okay. Part of being able to course correct comes down to respect. It's the ability to not have to agree on everything, and the respect is what takes you through, not love.   QUESTION: Do you feel like you must agree on everything in order to have a healthy, thriving marriage? Why or why not? Point #5: Collision is Inevitable Danielle: My advice for women when you want to share something with your man is to approach him in a way where you can actually have a safe conversation and express your feelings without things going south. Frame the conversation so that it is coming from the heart and not the head, and frame it in a way that you can actually get past your shit. Garrett: Here's my suggestion for the guys: The better you know yourself, the better you can communicate with your wife what you want and what you don’t want.   QUESTION: How do you handle collision?   Communication Challenge: Be open to the possibility of doing some research about yourselves in some new places, and then have some fun talking about what you discover. Here are some suggestions for you: astrowow.com, kolbe.com, colorcode.com   Date Night Topic: On your Date Night this week, have a conversation about what it is you actually want.   Quote of the Week: "I've been studying something called the Natal Chart which is a tool I use within my Soul Purpose Blueprint. What I know about Gemini’s is that we run the Universe and we are are the sexual gods of the Universe." --Garrett J White "Now that we have come to understand and respect one another, even though we’re a lot different - and yes, we’re still going to get into arguments and disagree on things - I think we are at that place of respect where we can come together. His strengths help me, and my strengths help him. I think our businesses getting to the level they are at is the result of us working together and playing off each other’s strengths and weaknesses." --Danielle K White

In today's episode Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of parenting after just returning from an epic family vacation in Maui the week before. As much as they love spending time together as family, there's still a guilt that comes as working parents in creating one's business empire while still trying to raise one's own children spending enough quality time with them.   Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Mommy and Daddy Guilt Garrett: I was stuck inside the story that everything I was doing was fucking up my kids and messing with their future.  As a businessman this is a real killer because we are so busy with our businesses, how do we deal with the guilt and shame of not showing up as a father in a way that is actually connected or makes you feel good? Danielle felt guilty as a mom, especially when she was a younger mom micro managing everything and always feeling like she had to be there as a mom. Many women have a really hard time spending money or time on themselves, which can make going out on dates with their husbands extremely stressful, especially when you have really young kids.   QUESTION: How has playing the guilt card suffocated your relationship? What are some ways you can begin letting go and freeing yourself of guilt and shame?   Point #2: Out of the Mouths of Babes During the podcast, their 11 year old daughter make a surprise appearance via telephone, candidly answering questions posed by her parents. When asked about vacations as a family: "I think it's important because you get time off from work and get to spend time with us for a whole week instead of just seeing us after school or after your Date Nights, or in the morning."  Danielle has fought hard for the vacations and sees them as a time to reconnect as a family, create memorable experiences for everyone and memories for the kids, and a way to establish family traditions. Both she and Garrett loved family vacations and reunions when they were growing up.   QUESTION: What are some of your favorite memories from family trips or vacations you have taken? Point #3: Fulfillment Comes From Purpose Garrett and Danielle both have a Purpose beyond each other and a Purpose beyond their parenting. That Purpose fulfills both of them individually, then that individual connection with themselves connects with each other as a couple, and that 'couple love' spreads down into their children.  As they have gotten more on the same page with each other and more ok with the idea of who they are individually, this has opened up the possibility for their children to see a new path for living. At the end of the day, parenting is about role modeling 'How to Live.' The one one skillset that you should give your children?  How to powerfully live the truth of who they are.   QUESTION: What Purpose have you found for yourselves individually beyond your relationship or children? How can you support each other in living that more fully? Point #4: Make Time For Each Other We have this faulty belief system that says: My marriage must come secondary to the raising of my children, thinking that somehow the raising of our children will happen with more power from a couple that’s disconnected, doesn’t love each other, aren’t having sex, and are not communicating. While in Maui, about 90% of the couples staying at the Four Seasons were in their late 50s and 60s, completely bored with and disconnected from each other, questioning if they even wanted to stay together. They had lost themselves inside the focus on their children.   QUESTION: What can you begin doing in your marriage to prevent yourselves from becoming a statistic when the kids are grown? Point #5: Date Night is Non-negotiable Danielle wasn’t always a passionate advocate of Date Night. Garrett had to fight for what has now become normal inside of their relationship: weekly Date Nights. He cautions men that it’s not going to be easy at first – you’re going to have a wife that is dealing with all of the guilt and emotions surrounding the stress of leaving the kids with a babysitter, not to mention reconciling the cost of the entire evening. Gentlemen: Take charge and make this shit happen! Don't make Date Nights negotiable. Put your crown on, pick up your shield and your sword and fight for the shit required to put your relationship back on track. Here are a couple resources to help you with this: care.com and warriorbook.com   QUESTION: When was your last Date Night?   Communication Challenge: Discuss the actions you feel inspired to take after listening to today's podcast.   Date Night Topic: 1 - Go on a Date Night to schedule Date Nights. 2 - Have a conversation about the guilt that you may be experiencing individually and as a couple.   Quote of the Week: "I would have you consider that the greatest parenting you could offer your children is to demonstrate a great relationship with your partner. You want to be a better father? Then date their mother. You want to be a better father? Then make love to their mother. You want to be a better father? Then show them the example of what it is to be a man fighting for a relationship and for a marriage." --Garrett J White   "You chose to get married. You chose to have a family. There’s connection with your spouse and there’s connection with each of your children. You will always be their mom, but you’re not always going to be their parent. Find some Purpose and Passion in your life. It’s not going to take away from anything that you will give your kids. In fact, it will give more to your kids. Allow yourself permission to let go of that guilt and find something for yourself."   --Danielle K White   http://www.dateyouwifenow.com 

This week Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of money yet again as dual producers. Their marriage was on the verge of divorce when Danielle found motivation to take care of herself as a possible single parent that has now led to the success we see today within her salon, DKW Styling, training other Stylists on her hair extension technique known as Natural Beaded Rows.   In This Week's Podcast....MONEY Point #1: Inside the Pit of Chaos During the time they were knocking on the door of divorce, Garrett was reeling from the market crash and had stopped producing. There’s an interesting game that plays out inside of money when the man isn't producing, and together they were trying to figure it all out. During that transition it really depolarized them as a couple energetically. Danielle realized she could help out financially and began turning her business into something more than a hobby. She wanted to be taken care of and also wanted to have freedom from the guilt of buying nice things for herself, remembering how her mother worked so their family could have nice things beyond their basic needs.   QUESTION: How have you seen your roles altered inside your marriage when financial challenges have arisen?   Point #2: The Fight For the Throne There was this huge shift of power that came about because of money. Garrett went from the king of the castle to the servant of the queen who had her feet on both thrones while wearing both the King's crown and the Queen's crown. This is the reality of production: it’s not just about the topic of money, it’s about the power play of production. Many times when a man loses the ability to produce and provide, and loses trust inside of that relationship, the woman is forced to go into masculine mode in order to produce, which creates this whole different dynamic and challenge. Garrett was under under assault and fighting for the throne that Danielle was sitting on. Gentlemen, you’re not getting the throne until you prove that you’re actually the man.   QUESTION: Where are you as a couple in this Game of Thrones? Point #3: From Gucci's to Steel Toed Dude Shoes Danielle felt like she was the man in the relationship. If Garrett was trying to control her she'd tell him "you don’t have a fucking leg to stand on right now." She was constantly annoyed by him and always trying to pull the rug out from under him which led to a lot of wars. When Garrett started becoming more consistent, Danielle felt that the safety net was back and she could start letting up a little on her intensity of the hustle and grind. As she let up on the gas, Garrett began getting in her face to prove he was more powerful. They started to go to war in a different direction which killed their ability to communicate.   QUESTION: Have you experienced this dynamic as a couple?   Point #4: Selective Cheap Bastard Mode Danielle: Garrett's not big on any holiday. Most people look forward to holidays but he doesn't. My love language is all about the gifts, but his isn't. He'll give a bum $40 and yet forget my birthday or won't do anything for it. I've now figured out a little trick that gets me what I want from Garrett. Garrett: There will be times when Danielle wants to do something financially and I am thinking "this is ridiculous, there’s no fucking way, I don’t get it." On the flip side, when it comes to rebuilding a salon, I'll turn the switch on and Danielle goes into cheap bastard mode saying, "No!" My justification with money is: if it’s an investment, I put the money in.   QUESTION: What are your 'Cheap Bastard Modes?' What dynamic does that create in your relationship?   Point #5: The Collision Inside the Money Game After eight months of not going to battle, they found themselves in the middle of a war zone recently around the topic of business. This reminded Garrett of a 'shit show' they created years back while dining in a quaint little restaurant in Beverly Hills, where both of them were losing their minds and Garrett was ready to throw the table across the room. Garrett: It comes down to this: People want to feel validated in their desires with money. I want to feel validated inside my world when it comes to what I want financially, and you want to feel validated that your opinion matters when it comes to what you want financially.   QUESTION: Do you battle often as a couple? How much of that is 'healthy collision' and how much of it is a down right war zone?   Communication Challenge: Begin the conversation of validation and what it looks like for each of you inside of your relationship.     Date Night Topic: What is going to be the next stretch for you two as a couple financially that will pull you two forward? For us, it was our new home. What will it be for you?   Quote of the Week: "One of the most fucked up stories that I was telling myself my entire life that did not start shifting until the last 1  1/2 to 2 years passionately, which has taken our marriage and our lives to an entirely different level beyond the date night strategy is this: I had to start looking at my investment in my wife and in my family as a return on investment. The moment I began to see that my family was an investment, the interesting thing is I began to see my value in myself even more." --Garrett J White   "If you are trying to push your husband to the next level or push the relationship or whatever it is financially, just take a look at what is possible. Don’t say I wish we had this or that, just go see what is possible. A lot of people focus on their current reality and think "I can’t possibly go there" and don’t ask "what if" or "I wonder." We are both entrepreneurs and I knew that moving forward was always an option regardless of where we were currently at." --Danielle K White        

In This Week's Podcast….SEX Point #1: Seduction and Sex In the conversation of seduction, Danielle shares how seducing Garrett can be as simple as her walking through the room wearing some cute, lace panties or slowly undressing, whereas seeing Garrett confident and in his element is far more seductive and sexy to her than watching him prance around in a thong. Doing your business in private vs doing it with the door wide open proves to be a spicy topic. When playing the game, "Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid,"  the friend zone, tampons, hairy ass cheeks, and the naggy bitch mode top the list.   QUESTION: What tops your couple's list of Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid?    Point #2: Tracking and Lacking Back when their marriage was a shit show, Danielle thought the only reason Garrett was helping out was to get laid, which was actually true. He felt he had earned sex because of all of the things he was doing for her. She noticed the difference in his energy and attitude when they had sex vs when she withheld sex from him. Garrett found himself in an isolation and desperation game while tracking how much sex they weren't having. As a man having been successful in breaking the codes in his businesses, Garrett was trying to figure out how to break his wife's code, hoping his gifts to her would result in a blow job for him. Danielle was pissed because he was tracking, Garrett was pissed because she was lacking.   QUESTION: In what ways is your relationship similar to their "shit show" years?     Point #3: The Leverage Game A man tends to leverage money and power to get sex, whereas a woman will leverage sex to get the power she wants. Garrett felt hurt and angry for being rejected sexually, while Danielle continually had her guard up and felt like she was always walking on eggshells. Garrett's constant challenge became: When is my wife going to want me? He began strategizing, which backfired and began killing the attraction between them. Danielle was watching from the sidelines and figured he was a ticking time bomb.   QUESTION:How are you playing the Leverage Game in your marriage?     Point #4: Men: Take the Sexual Victim Card Off the Table Although Danielle and Garrett existed in a space better than war, it wasn't victory - it was a place where he needed to get laid and she wanted peace in the house. Sex became awkward. When men become more powerful in business, they also become more sexually charged. Being completely consumed with the frustration, anger, fear and doubt around this topic of sex and constantly being rejected, Garrett became a sexual victim. As a married man 100% committed to his wife, until he could stop the war between he and Danielle, he began neutralizing the playing field by handling his needs himself via a sex tool.   QUESTION: What space are you existing in as a couple?   Point #5: Submit and Surrender While Danielle agreed she was being a bitch about withholding sex, Garrett admits he was being a dick and complete asshole withholding time and energy from her. He would deliberately set up situations for Danielle to fail so he could feel like he had control. Garrett remembers the day he submitted to the reality that Danielle needed him to show up and give a shit as a husband and as a lover, even if he wasn't getting laid; that he could cuddle and be ok with it. He was going to direct all of his energy towards her, not hold her hostage anymore, and that by giving her space he would show her that he wanted her as a person - beyond her body - and that he was ALL IN.   QUESTION: What are the ways you hold your spouse hostage? What behaviors could you let go of that would be a game changer in your relationship?   Communication Challenge: Talk about and demonstrate the ways you love being seduced by each other.   Date Night Topic: Do you use Garrett's formula of TTF?  Or a different formula?  Talk about the formulas that work for you in your marriage.   Quote of the Week: "You became unattractive to me because you wouldn't put out. People would look at us as this attractive couple, and I was like fuck that. I've got a g*ddamn frozen ice block barbie in a box goin' on. I don't get to touch it - nothing! It's like a doll that I get to look at. I'm like a dog on a leash that's held just past where the hamburger is sitting and I'm not ever getting it; and if I do take a bite, I get beat with a fuckin' stick." --Garrett J White   "I looked like a total bitch [while] you were off [doing your own thing] - you weren't with the kids, you weren't with me, and now you're this man of the year. But there were strings attached and no woman feels safe if there's fucking strings attached. You showed up but you still held this key of 'I'll show her.'  You promote me, you talk about me, you say I'm your Queen - so show me! Come over to my side and show me what you're preaching is true. If you believe in me, if you believe in my business, if you believe in my vision, then jump on board with me!" . --Danielle White

  In This Week's Podcast....COMMUNICATION Point #1: Communication in Marriage is the Glue Between Sex, Money, and Kids Garrett and Danielle have not always been on the same page as a couple. For many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship. Danielle learned how to confront and listen to her feelings, communicate, stand up for herself and voice what she was feeling to match Garrett's strong personality. Garrett struggled with telling the truth and sharing what he was feeling because he felt unsafe in doing so with Danielle.   QUESTION: How do you and your spouse communicate with each other? Does it create a safe zone or a war zone?   Point #2: The Game of Collision Danielle grew up in a non-communicating and non-hugging family, although she instinctively knew her parents loved her.  Garrett's family was very touchy-feely and were encouraged to speak openly and freely about what they were feeling and thinking. Hugs and 'I love you' were the norm. It was a downright hug fest. Garrett wanted to share his 42 gallons of feelings with Danielle, but her tiny thimble couldn't hold that space for him. She wasn't taught how to communicate and was feeling overwhelmed, which caused her to unknowingly push him away to create breathing space for herself.   QUESTION: What types of communication styles did you and your spouse experience in your families? How has this affected the way you communicate in your marriage?   Point #3: Show Up and Pay Attention While dating, Danielle and Garrett could talk for hours and hours. After marriage, the filters came off, the grind of daily life set in, and they eventually found themselves drifting into roommate status. There was no connection and no viable communication. His unspoken message that business came first rang out loud and clear to Danielle. Garrett didn't spend a lot of time seducing Danielle, nor did he pay attention to the needs of his young bride of 20. He was in the work and grind mode which benefited them, yet in the process, he ignored her. He wanted to feel connected to Danielle through sex, touching, and talking - yet that was a complete turn off to her because of their lack of connection and how he wasn't showing up for her.   QUESTION: How do you show up for your spouse?     Point #4: What You Focus On, Expands The loss of their spark, trust, and financial stability, coupled with the demise of their communication, created a very difficult environment for them as a couple. They graduated from not communicating at all, to all out fighting mode in every conversation. They wanted to spend time with other people, rather than with each other. Garrett was receiving emotional fulfillment by having conversations with his female clients and coworkers. During this time in 2010, while pregnant with their second child, Danielle stopped looking to Garrett as the source of her happiness and breadwinner, and instead began looking within herself with new found courage to speak freely and to take on life - without him, if necessary - which resulted in the birth of her business. That was also the beginning of the turning point in their marriage.   QUESTION: Where do you put your energy and focus? How is it enhancing or detracting from your relationship?   Point #5: A Threesome Will Help You Keep Your Game On Point Upon discovering their different Love Languages, Garrett learns he has been giving Danielle what he wants to receive, rather than what she wants and needs. Couples and individual therapy enabled them to get past the triggers and blowing up stage, while keeping them inside the fight and conversation. Garrett shares that therapy and third party conversations are what saved their marriage. Danielle advises: Be real about your feelings during therapy - even if it means arguing in front of the therapist or spontaneously jumping up and doing burpees and push ups.   QUESTION: Are you giving your spouse what you want to receive, or are you giving them what they want and need?   Communication Challenge: Begin discovering your love languages and take action on giving to your spouse what they want and need.   Date Night Topic: Engage in the conversation with your spouse about starting therapy together.   Quote of the Week: "The thing that saves our marriage more than anything, is Date Night. It's the simplest part of the form of the game in restoring communication, connection, passion, fashion, love, and everything else inside of marriage." --Garrett J White "A lot of time with the love languages, it’s not your love language, but you get to cross that boundary to get your own fucking love language met. I used to say, 'I don’t want to do this. It’s not me. It’s not how I was raised.' I learned quickly that if I want my needs met, I have to serve him - and vice-versa." --Danielle White   http://dateyourwifenow.com 

  In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Understanding Parenting from Paper Routes, Serving Tables, and Spankings The way in which we all parent is stemmed from our childhood experiences, shaping our approaches to parenting, where Danielle learned about taking care of others through serving tables briefly as a teen to Garrett wanting make money of his own so he found begin getting up early and doing a paper route. When it came to discipline, Danielle was threatened but didn't experience a lot of follow through while Garrett would get spanked with a paddle.   QUESTION: What kind of discipline did you experience as a child? How has it shaped the kind of parenting you choose now?   Point #2: Choosing to Have Kids...Until We Pass Out Danielle always wanted to have lots of kids and looks forward to creating that bond and unity with them, but Garrett has always been more of a baby lover, even though he passed out during the birth of their second child. For him, parenting is something that he always looked forward to because it gave him a chance to raise children with his own parenting style and technique, helping them shape themselves through his stewardship.   QUESTION: Why did your parents have you? Why do you choose to have children?   Point #3: Navigating Dates Amongst the Chaos There are elements within Garrett's life that only became defined after becoming a father, believing that having children with Danielle forced them to find each other. They manage the chaos through regular date nights, which is also the whole reason behind the podcast getting formed, taking the time to find purpose within each other and not solely in the kids.   QUESTION: How do you navigate parenting and still remain connected as a couple?   Point #4: Purpose Beyond Children and Partner We have to have a purpose beyond our spouse and children, then take it to the next level by remaining committed to each other  and then the kids, in that order. Even though there's a sense of ownership in the form of controlling our kids, it comes down to paving the way for them through our own personal approach with life, but realizing that we don't own our kids and allow them to make their own choices.   QUESTION: What order are you putting yourself, your relationship with your spouse and the commitment you have with your children?   Point #5: No More Love to Be Found Requires Time Outs for Parents For Danielle, she's continually trying to figure things out, and has found that she need to put herself in a time out to clear the guilt for losing her cool, reminding herself that she's the adult and everyone else needs to be separated to their own space. For Garrett, he would rather go to battle to fight for love, and shares a text that he sent to his daughter after their latest battle, stating, "I love you no matter what." This is a Challenge for the rest of the week.   QUESTION: What do you do when you don't want to love your kids and be the parent anymore?   Parenting Challenge: Begin stating, "I love you no matter what" with your spouse and especially your children, showing that you want to let them know that you love them regardless of the struggles and wins in their life; they are loved for being themselves.   Date Night Topic: Plan Date Night and then tell your spouse what it is you planned, not being offended if they want to do something else.   Quote of the Week: "There is a whole aspect of being a human being that we cannot find without having children of our own. Having children together forced us as a couple to actually find each other. We do this in the following order: 1) Take care of yourself, 2) Date your spouse, and 3) love on your kids to have strong relationships at home. The purpose of my role as a father is to teach and train my children how to take care of themselves and be a contributing member in society." --Garrett J White   "We've got to pave a way for our children but that doesn't mean that we necessarily control everything that they do. I remember with our youngest daughter as she was gaining her own personality and independence being so worried that something was wrong with her, only to hear clearly a Voice within me state, 'She was never yours to lose.' After that, I realized that I can try to influence them, but to become a good parent it's more about not stressing out than trying to be in control of them." --Danielle White   http://dateyourwifenow.com