Stay in Your Lane | Date Your Wife | Ep 023

Communication is the topic in this week's Date Your Wife episode where Danielle and Garrett discuss growth, conflict & collision, and how we all take on different characters and play different roles in our relationships.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....COMMUNICATION Point #1: Activate the Gremlin

• Danielle is the owner of DKW Styling Salon and has created a hair extension system called Natural Beaded Rows. She and her team are basking in the afterglow of their most recent three-day convention, where they hosted 350 students eager to learn Danielle's system.
• Garrett: A comment came in from an associate of ours who was at the convention: "You know, Danielle is like a gremlin - cuddly, nice, sweet, and fun. And then you pour a little water on it and out comes the beast. I watched Danielle speak and train like I have never before seen her. Her gremlin was activated!"

QUESTION: What causes the Gremlin in you to activate?

 

Point #2: Characters and Roles

• Garrett: I've realized that we as human beings have lots of characters and we play different roles. If you look at this from an acting perspective, you take on different roles and play different characters. Inside of a marriage relationship, there are a lot of roles that we are required to create and master.
• Danielle: In business, a true professional knows when to use each character in the different roles they are required to take on. As a woman, I have to know when to wear the work hat, when to wear the mom hat, and when to wear the wife and lover hat.

QUESTION: What are the different characters and roles you take on in your marriage?

 

Point #3: Growing at Different Speeds

• Danielle: When we lost everything and Garrett was trying to discover himself, I was always telling him to just figure it out. He would want to share and connect with me, and when I didn't want to, he felt I wasn't growing. I decided I wasn’t going to worry about what Garrett was doing, but rather work on me and stay in my own lane.
• Garrett: We grow at different speeds and at different times. This changes our roles and makes communication difficult. The challenge becomes staying in your own lane. When you’re trying to communicate and you’re both in two totally diffident places, it can be very difficult.

QUESTION: How do you handle growing at different speeds in your marriage?

 

Point #4: Choice vs Force

• Garrett: I got to the point where my power and my path were going to be about choosing me, choosing the path that I wanted, and inviting Danielle to come along with me. I told her this is where I'm going, I would like you to come with me, but if you don't want to come that’s okay - I’m still going to go. The more I took that stand, the better our relationship became inside of our communication.
• Danielle: It's because it became about me getting to choose and not feeling like you were forcing me or dragging me. For me, that actually feels better.  If you go to an event that’s all about self-help or self-awareness, you don’t want to come home to your spouse and say "by the way, you’re broken and you should probably come with me and get fixed." That's kind of like how it comes across.

QUESTION: Are you more likely to force or to encourage choice in your relationships?

 

Point #5: The Control Factor

• Garrett: I'll have you consider that the worst thing that could ever exist inside of a relationship is one where there is no collision in communication. Collision must happen, and inside of that, control must be submitted at times.
• Danielle: In order to ultimately get what you want, you have to choose your battles. Sometimes when we’re fighting we realize we’re both on the same team, we let it go, calm it down, and then revisit that conversation.

QUESTION: How do you handle collision in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

How do you handle and resolve conflict in your marriage?

Date Night Topic:

What are you committed to as a couple in the area of growth?

Quote of the Week:

"When you’re growing, and your partner may not be growing at the same speed, you have to stay committed to what you want, move forward, and invite them into the picture."

--Garrett J White

"Learn how to communicate with your partner in that safe zone."

--Danielle K White