Space and Love | Date Your Wife | Ep 016

In this week's episode about Parenting, Garrett and Danielle engage in a lively conversation about the work that is required as a man to actually stay connected to his children, why sometimes as a man the only reason why you’re actually spending time with your children is because you think you’re getting points with your wife that will ultimately lead to sex, and how creating space and loving yourself are two of the ultimate gifts you can give to your children.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Ulterior Motives

• There are some twisted reasons why guys want to spend time with their children. I used to spend time with my kids because I thought I was earning points with Danielle which would ultimately end up with me getting laid.
• What I wanted to do was to spend time with my children but had gotten stuck in the very interesting place where I was trying to find an entry point into connection. The vast majority of my married life was in pursuit of getting laid.

QUESTION: Where in your relationship do have ulterior motives for the things you do?

Point #2: Creating Space

• Garrett: As a businessman, it's crucial to give myself permission to create space for me beyond my business, beyond my beautiful wife and beyond my amazing children. If you don’t give yourself this space, you’re going to find yourself getting exhausted and fatigued. Surfing has given me the time that I get to be with myself, and in that place I become a better father and a better husband.
• Danielle: You have to be careful with your hobbies and interests because when they become too much of an obsession, it can actually take away time from your kids and family. It's easy to get obsessed over something and then you have to try to figure out how to find a balance with it and not let it overly consume you.

QUESTION: What do you do to create space for yourself?

Point #3: Parker

• I have a son who is 19 years old and has been living with us for the past six weeks. It’s the first time since he was six months old that he has chosen to live with his father, and the first time since forever that he has decided to call me dad. It was ultimately Wake Up Warrior that brought my son back into my life.
• Danielle:What you thought was lost because you didn't raise him is coming full circle. The timing plays a big roll in how things work out and it's happening how it should. Garrett: The timing with Parker being here inside of my world at this time is perfect. There’s a lot of things that had to happen for this to play out and I’m very happy and excited about it.

QUESTION: Where in your life is perfect timing showing up in a way you never expected?

Point #4: Boobs and Tattoos

• When Danielle was 18, she had breast augmentation and always felt they were too big for her tiny frame.  After her recent miscarriage, she decided to have them replaced despite the huge mommy guilt and fear she was experiencing , and despite the fact that Garrett was a little worried about her breasts getting smaller. When it was all said and done, she felt so happy and she wondered why she had waited so long do to it.
• Garrett: You wanted to do the boob job and it was something that you felt like you needed to do. I wanted this tattoo on my arm but you were against it. Inside of both of these moves it has given us something as individuals and parents that we can actually give back to our children.

QUESTION: What have each of you done in your relationship that the other hasn't been too thrilled about at the time, but in the end you have accepted as part of what makes the other happy?

Point #5: Love Yourself

• What does God ultimately want? Love thy neighbor as thyself: love your wife as you love yourself, love your children as you love yourself. If you hate yourself, it is actually impossible to love your wife or to love your children. If you hate yourself, what you will offer up is a manipulative bullshit motivational game of love to your children.
• I have learned to appreciate the fact that I am a complete fuck up and at the same time, I’m completely fantastic. When I come to accept all the vastness of who I am, inside of that I’m given this permission slip to experience it with my children and my wife..

QUESTION: What's stopping you from fully loving and accepting yourself?

Communication Challenge:

Bring up the conversation with your family the importance of loving yourself in order to more fully love others.

Date Night Topic:

What are you going to do this week in creating space for yourself beyond your partner and your children so that you have the ability to actually be a very present parent and partner?

Quote of the Week:

"Most of what has changed within our relationship is a deep appreciation and understanding for who I am, and inside of understanding that truth, being willing to do things for me because I want to do them for me - not because I need Danielle’s permission, not because I want Danielle to like it, but because I know that inside of doing it, it's going to be something I feel I need to do."

--Garrett J White

"Respect yourself and you’ll respect others. Respect your children and they will respect you. Respect people you are around and work with, they will respect you. Just be fuckin nice. There’s a lot to be learned in being nice and liking yourself, taking time for yourself, taking time for others and creating balance in your life."

--Danielle K White