Cross the Line | Date Your Wife | Ep 018

Being married is hard. In fact, it can be a complete fuckin shit show and amazing all at the same time. While most marriages end up in complete sedation, disconnection and/or divorce, Garrett and Danielle have a commitment to create something a little bit better than that, a little more fun. Join them in this week's podcast that doubles as their very own therapy session as they engage in a conversation about the all important topic of communication.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....COMMUNICATON Point #1: Less Roommate, More Spark

• You can be comfortable with somebody and respect them, and maybe you don’t fight and things are generally good, but there’s no spark. Your idea of a night out is coming home from a long day at work, throwing on your sweats and watching Netflix together...and then you wonder what happened to that spark you used to feel.
• Date Night is one of the ways the sparks continue to fly between Danielle and Garrett. Danielle loves getting all dressed up for Date Night and treats it like an actual date, like she did during their pre-marriage days. She inspired Garrett to level up his game from his go-to flannel shirt to his now custom tailored design jackets.

QUESTION: When was the last time the two of you dressed up and stepped out on the town together? How did it make you feel?

Point #2: Sugar 'n Spice

• Garrett: Inside the communication game, people sometimes think that it’s the spice they’re trying to get rid of. When I define spice, I'm talking about arguments, disagreements, giggling, laughing, joking, having fun, getting angry at each other, fighting, battling, debating, having crucial conversations - it's everything.
• Danielle: There’s a lot of spice in our marriage and we collide a lot with our personalities - both in good ways and in ways where we piss each other off. Spice for me is "I fucking hate you" which turns into "I fucking love you."

QUESTION: How do you keep your marriage fresh and spicy?

Point #3: Love Notes

• Making daily deposits into your family’s life is part of living the Warrior’s way, part of something called the Core 4. Men typically don’t know how to communicate their feelings and don’t send love messages to their wives, which Garrett believes many women would love receiving from their husbands.
• While Danielle acknowledges the daily texts from Garrett, her love language is found more in spending quality time together with him, like doing these podcasts or going on Date Nights. She sends texts of encouragement when she senses he's having a stressful day, which messages Garrett loves receiving as part of his love language.

QUESTION: What are your thoughts about giving or receiving love notes?

Point #4: Give and Take

• Garrett: In my world, I had to learn that it was ok to buy my wife shit. It was a very hard thing for me, and I questioned how buying gifts for her made me more valuable as a husband.
• Danielle: Because I can buy my own things, I felt like I had to submit and let Garrett buy me gifts, which is one of my love languages. I wanted him to be the man, yet at first I wasn’t allowing space for him to do that.

QUESTION: Why are you stopping your spouse from giving you what you say you want to receive from them?

Point #5: Dance With Me

• Garrett: As you can tell, we're still working on this, which is the ability to actually communicate with and understand the language of our partner.
• Inside of that, we get to choose to do two things: appreciate the language they receive in, and learn that we give the language that the people we're married to want to receive.

QUESTION: What does your daily dance of communication look like?

Communication Challenge:

Danielle: Garrett needs to be told "I love you" but my communication is different. Is your communication verbal or silent? Is one wrong and one right?

Date Night Topic:

For women, what is your husband’s love language and how can you cross the line a little bit for him? For men, how can you cross the line a little bit for your wife?

Quote of the Week:

"I'm essentially making love to the ocean because she accepts me every morning."

--Garrett J White

"We’ll argue about a topic and one of us has to eventually reach over to the other side and reciprocate. You have to cross the line in order to make it a little more peaceful in your home."

--Danielle K White