Better Sex

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the nature of desire discrepancy in intimate relationships. She explains what desire discrepancy is, how it can emerge over time in all couples, and its universal nature. Jessa highlights the relative and situational aspects of discrepancy, emphasizing that roles of higher desire (HDP) and lower desire persons (LDP) can change. She also delves into the inherent control and pressure dynamics in such situations, and how they affect self-worth, relationship tension, and the meaning of sex. Future episodes will address common traps and strategies to bridge these gaps.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast01:08 Understanding Desire Discrepancy01:35 The Universality of Desire Discrepancy02:50 Relative Nature of Desire Discrepancy03:58 Control Dynamics in Desire Discrepancy06:12 Emotional Impact on Relationships08:05 Pressure and Desire Discrepancy09:05 Conclusion and Future Topics09:33 Closing Remarks and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the BetterSex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the concept of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Jessa delves into why she believes HSDD should not be classified as a disorder, arguing that a lack of sexual desire is influenced by various legitimate obstacles such as trauma, body image issues, relationship struggles, and larger life concerns. She explains the distinction between proactive and reactive desire, emphasizing that reactive desire is a common and normal experience. Jessa rejects the notion that low sexual desire is a pathological condition and offers resources for those navigating desire discrepancies in their relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Host's Soapbox: Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder01:08 Understanding Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder01:58 Factors Affecting Sexual Desire04:26 Proactive vs. Reactive Desire06:48 Resources and ConclusionWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Susan Goldstein, a sexuality educator at the San Diego Sexual Medicine Clinic. The conversation delves into the intricacies of menopause, including personal stories and the experiences of patients. Goldstein emphasizes the benefits of monitored hormone replacement therapy and dispels myths surrounding menopause and hormone treatments. She addresses common symptoms, the importance of a tailored medical approach, and the need for informed decision-making. The episode underscores the significance of understanding one's body and seeking appropriate medical care for menopause-related issues.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Introducing Susan Goldstein: Sexuality Educator01:37 Susan's Journey into Sexual Medicine03:25 Understanding Menopause and Hormone Replacement Therapy05:21 Debunking Myths About Menopause and Hormone Therapy09:01 The Importance of Monitored Hormone Care16:54 Historical Perspectives on Hormone Treatments18:51 Introduction to Clinic Data and Research19:39 Unique Cases and Specialized Treatments20:31 Understanding Neuroproliferative Vestibulodynia21:48 Menopause and Its Impact on Skin Health23:39 Symptoms and Treatments for Menopausal Women26:31 Addressing Low Libido and HSDD28:46 Personal Experience with HSDD Treatments32:04 Finding the Right Clinician and Clinic Information34:27 Conclusion and Contact InformationInterested in my desire discrepancy resources? https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Ms. Goldstein, a graduate of Brown University, is Sexuality Educator and Clinical Research Manager at San Diego Sexual Medicine, responsible for sexual medicine educational programming and clinical research. She works with the SDSM team to develop clinical research projects, write protocols and oversee clinical trials. She also arranges for training in sexual medicine for medical students, residents, fellows and clinicians from all over the country. She works with regional support groups to provide education to providers, students and the public. In addition, she develops programs for The Institute for Sexual Medicine, a charitable corporation dedicated to research and education in the field. Ms. Goldstein co-authored When Sex Isn’t Good to provide education and empowerment to women with sexual dysfunction. She is managing editor of Sexual Medicine Reviews. She is an associate editor of Textbook of Female Sexual Function and Dysfunction, and Female Sexual Pain Disorders, and author of multiple peer reviewed papers. Mrs. Goldstein is Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH) as well as Industry Relations Chair. She serves on the Scientific Oversight Committee of the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) as well as the Educational Projects, Fellowship and Female Sexual Function Committees of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America (SMSNA). She has contributed educational content for the ISSM Online University as well as the AUA Core Curriculum and SMSNA Fellowship Curriculum. She is also a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Association of Clinical Research Professionals (ACRP). She is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an ACRP Certified Clinical Research Coordinator. Ms. Goldstein, an ISSWSH Fellow, received the Distinguished Service Award from ISSWSH in 2017 as well as from SMSNA in 2017.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Emma Xin Velicky about how to explore fantasies and kink interests within a loving relationship. Emma shares her personal journey to kink, discusses defining kink and BDSM, and offers advice on communicating and exploring these interests with a partner. They delve into the importance of vulnerability, play, and the benefits of understanding one's erotic interests both individually and with a partner. The conversation also touches on common misconceptions about kink, the role of roleplay, and Emma's company, Saturday Box, which helps couples explore their kinky side through curated adventures.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 Exploring Fantasies and Kink Interests01:27 Guest Interview: Emma Xin Velicky's Journey03:45 Defining and Understanding Kink07:21 Bringing Up Kink with Your Partner13:26 Role of Solo Exploration in Kink21:22 Benefits of Exploring Kink Together29:30 Saturday Box: Enhancing Couple's Kink Exploration31:28 Conclusion and Listener InvitationWant to share your personal story on the podcast? You can do it anonymously! Reach out at info@intimacywithease.comBio: Emma Xin Velicky, a 26-year-old romance author, filmmaker, mobile game writer, and “sexpert” created Saturday Box to redefine kink and make it easier for couples to turn toward each other for fantasy fulfillment. Growing up in a religious community that shunned any talk of sex before marriage, her early interest in kink left her feeling confused and ashamed. As she moved away from the church, she began to experiment, but as a sexually submissive Asian woman, it was difficult to be true to herself without encouraging stereotypes.Inspired by the erotic exploration that occurred in her own marriage, she's created immersive, date night adventures to help couples to embrace their true (kinky) selves and see each other in a new light. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses the impact of written erotica on mental stimulation and sexual desire with her guest, erotic author Avalon Lust. Avalon shares her journey from writing romance to focusing on erotica, and how it helped rejuvenate her own libido. They explore the benefits of erotica for individuals and couples, including mental visualization, tapping into fantasies, and offering quick yet engaging reads. Avalon also provides insights on where to find quality erotica and her process of creating stories that cater to different fantasies. The episode offers valuable advice for anyone looking to spice up their intimate life through the power of the written word.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:43 Introduction to Erotica with Avalon Lust01:22 Avalon's Journey into Writing Erotica05:11 Benefits of Erotica for Relationships09:56 Exploring Fantasies Through Erotica14:51 Where to Find and Explore Erotica18:23 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsInterested in the quiz? https://www.sexlifequiz.comBio:Meet Lust, the provocative name behind scorching hot erotica that ignites passion and desire.With a focus on short, tantalizing reads, Lust's stories are crafted to arouse and captivate, perfect for those seeking to spice up their intimate moments. But beware, these tales come with a trigger warning, ensuring readers are prepared for the steamy journey ahead. So, whether you're indulging alone or with a partner, dive into Lust's world and let your imagination run wild. Now, ENJOY!Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger about the impacts of anxiety on sexual experiences. They delve into the common sexual concerns clients bring, such as libido discrepancies, erection issues, and orgasm control, and explore how anxiety can exacerbate these problems. Indigo shares her expertise on using somatic, body-based approaches to manage and alleviate anxiety, emphasizing the importance of breathwork, mindfulness, and creating awareness of subtle pleasure cues. The discussion also touches on the significance of sexual health for overall well-being, the cultural taboos surrounding conversations about sex, and strategies for enhancing intimate connections with partners.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:46 Introduction to Anxiety in Sex01:31 Guest Interview: Indigo Stray Conger03:27 Common Sexual Concerns and Anxiety06:26 Somatic Approaches to Anxiety10:20 Practical Exercises for Couples15:03 Breathing Techniques for Relaxation21:13 The Importance of Sexual Pleasure22:40 Cultural and Educational Barriers24:55 Conclusion and ResourcesInterested in the special podcast collections? https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collectionsBioIndigo has been a psychotherapist since 2008 and has over a decade of therapeutic training, including as one of the few AASECT certified sex therapists at a supervisory level. She trained as a therapist in San Francisco, a mecca for awakened sexuality and alternative lifestyles, before moving back to her hometown of Denver and co-founding Mile High Psychotherapy PLLC with her husband. Indigo holds a master’s degree in somatic (body integrated) psychotherapy. She addresses mental health and relational dynamics from the perspective of our embodied selves, utilizing applied neuroscience and mindfulness practices to soften protective defenses and re-inhabit physicality. Utilizing an attachment theory lens, Indigo guides her clients towards reclaiming the space between them as joyful and exciting. She is frequently consulted as a sexuality and open relationship expert in publications such as Women's Health, Mind Body Green, and The New York Times.facebook.com/MileHighPsychotherapy, website: milehighpsychotherapy.comwww.choosingtherapy.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex with host Jessa Zimmerman, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Dr. Irwin Goldstein to discuss Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD). They explore the history, symptoms, and numerous potential causes of PGAD, ranging from physiological to neurological issues. They also delve into various diagnostic methods and treatment options available for managing this often misunderstood and debilitating condition.00:00 Introduction00:42 Interview with Dr. Irwin Goldstein01:03 Understanding PGAD05:17 Initial Approaches to Treatment07:05 New Discoveries in PGAD Research22:08 Success Stories and Challenges30:13 Final Thoughts and Contact InformationInterested in Desire Discrepancy resources: https://www.desirediscrepancy.comIrwin Goldstein, MDDr. Goldstein has been involved with sexual dysfunction research since the late 1970's. He has authored more than 350 publications as well as multiple book chapters and edited 6 textbooks in the field. His interests include penile microvascular bypass surgery, surgery for dyspareunia, sexual health management post cancer treatment, genital dysesthesia/persistent genital arousal disorder, physiologic investigation of sexual function in men and women, and diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction in men and women. Dr. Goldstein is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, Clinical Professor of Surgery at University of California, San Diego and practices medicine at San Diego Sexual Medicine. He is also Editor-in-Chief of Sexual Medicine Reviews and past Editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. He is a Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health and of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He holds a degree in engineering from Brown University and received his medical degree from McGill University. The World Association for Sexual Health awarded the Gold Medal to Dr. Goldstein in 2009 in recognition of his lifelong contributions to the field, in 2012 he received the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Award for Distinguished Service in Women’s Sexual Health, in 2013 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, and in 2014 he received the ISSM Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Society for Sexual Medicine. He is happily married to his college sweetheart Sue, and together they have three children and five grandchildren.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Ari Lewis to discuss the often conflated topics of consensual non-monogamy and compulsive sexual behavior. They delve into the misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding consensual non-monogamy, such as its conflation with sexual addiction and the perceived elevated risk of STIs. Ari explains the important distinctions between consensual non-monogamy and compulsive sexual behavior, highlighting key factors like informed consent, honoring values, mutual respect, and mutual benefit. The conversation also touches on coercive non-monogamy and the role of shame in driving compulsive sexual behavior, concluding with a proposed model for understanding and treating such behaviors.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:49 Exploring Consensual Non-Monogamy with Ari Lewis01:34 Distinguishing Non-Monogamy from Compulsive Sexual Behavior01:52 Ari Lewis on Personal Journey and Professional Insights11:07 Common Misconceptions and Stereotypes16:54 Coercive Non-Monogamy and Its Implications26:05 Understanding and Treating Compulsive Sexual Behavior32:31 Conclusion and Contact InformationWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Ari Lewis, M.A.P.P., M.A., Ed.M., LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist in NYC; an associate at the Sexuality, Attachment, and Trauma Project; and an adjunct professor of social work at Touro University. He earned a Master of Applied Positive Psychology (M.A.P.P.) studying positive sexuality at the University of Pennsylvania, and he earned two master's degrees in mental health counseling at Columbia University, where he also earned an Advanced Certificate in Sexuality, Women, and Gender focused on consensual non-monogamy. Ari has a chapter on treating compulsive sexual behavior coming out in the Routledge Handbook of Positive Sexuality, and his essay on distinguishing consensual non-monogamy from compulsive sexual behavior will be featured as part of the 2nd edition to Kathy Labriola's book, Love in Abundance. Ari has trained for over three years on working with compulsive sexual behavior under Dr. Michael M. Crocker, DSW, founder of the Sexuality, Attachment, and Trauma Project in New York City.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass