Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

A woman grapples with the fallout of a five-year relationship marked by deceit and manipulation. She uncovers infidelities and questions her partner's mental health, exploring the blend of emotional closeness and sexual disconnect. Together with Esther, they examine trust issues stemming from betrayal and the difficulty of discerning reality. The conversation shifts to rebuilding her narrative about love, enabling her to approach future relationships with clearer eyes and an understanding of how to navigate complexities.

They met dancing, and it was love at first sight. But only after they began dating did they realize the vast differences between them: differences in their core values, religious beliefs, political affiliations, sexual identities, and immigration statuses. And yet, they love each other deeply and hope to start a family together. He comes to Esther wondering how to raise children with someone who holds such different values from him and his family. Her question is deeper: by loving him, is she betraying herself? Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A couple navigates the choppy waters of love and family rejection after meeting online. She sacrificed her entire life for him, only to face hostility from his family. Their secret wedding sparks a backlash, leading them to grapple with feelings of guilt and resentment. Esther digs into their childhoods and discusses parenthood's significance. They explore small gestures to help her feel at home while addressing the emotional costs of their union. Can he confront his family to support her, or will fear keep them in a bind?

A guest grapples with self-worth tied to achievement, revealing how societal pressures amplify these feelings, especially within the context of race. They discuss loss and ambition, exploring whether fulfillment can come from being rather than doing. The conversation dives into the chronic pursuit of validation and how shared experiences lessen isolation. Esther encourages embracing inherent worth and finding community support, emphasizing that true fulfillment lies in managing the paradox of striving while recognizing one's value.

Three years after war separated a Ukrainian couple, they reunite but struggle with emotional distance. Their journey highlights the challenges of identity loss and shifting roles after displacement. Esther encourages them to embrace playfulness and connection to reignite their bond. She emphasizes the importance of imagination and intimacy, suggesting that small rituals can bring joy even in difficult times. Ultimately, they explore how pleasure and curiosity can act as healing forces in their relationship.

A daughter reflects on shouldering adult responsibilities since childhood, trapped in a parentified role. She yearns for a more balanced relationship with her mother, seeking emotional space and acknowledgment. Discussions delve into cultural expectations, the burden of grief, and the cost of performing confidence. Practical strategies emerge for setting healthy boundaries and redefining roles within the family dynamic. The importance of gradual differentiation and empowering conversations with her father highlight the path toward reclaiming her own identity.

In this session, a mother and father share their struggles to support their withdrawn adult daughter, who has faced severe mental health challenges since moving home. They delve into the pressures and expectations that have shaped her life, revealing layers of shame and isolation. Esther Perel advises them on the dangers of silence and encourages open communication, emphasizing the importance of understanding their daughter's emotions. The parents explore their own dynamics, seeking to break the cycle of withdrawal and reconnect with their daughter for healing.

A heart-wrenching journey unfolds as a caller grapples with love and betrayal following a deceitful polyamorous relationship. Esther Perel navigates the complexities of reconciling genuine feelings with the pain of dishonesty. She encourages the caller to embrace both grief and rage, while exploring how compassion can honor cherished memories. Together, they discuss the transformative power of holding conflicting emotions and physicalizing the juxtaposition of disgust and delight. Ultimately, it’s about finding healing through acceptance.

A couple navigates the challenges of long-distance love as one travels the globe for work. They grapple with the emotional toll of separation, with one feeling lonely while the other wrestles with guilt. Conversations about starting a family hit roadblocks, revealing deep-seated trust issues and different readiness for parenthood. The couple learns to communicate better, balancing problem-solving with emotional support. Through Esther's guidance, they uncover how childhood experiences shape their current choices and connection.

In this heartfelt conversation, an anonymous caller shares his decades-long journey of unrequited love for a classmate from Jamaica, which unexpectedly guided his academic success in New Zealand. He reflects on how this early crush shaped his identity and led him to embrace his sexuality. As he navigates feelings of gratitude mixed with longing, Esther encourages him to consider the transformative power of self-love and mentoring others. The discussion beautifully intertwines themes of resilience, loneliness, and the complexity of human connections.