Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel You Need Help to Help Her
58 snips
Nov 24, 2025 
In this session, a mother and father share their struggles to support their withdrawn adult daughter, who has faced severe mental health challenges since moving home. They delve into the pressures and expectations that have shaped her life, revealing layers of shame and isolation. Esther Perel advises them on the dangers of silence and encourages open communication, emphasizing the importance of understanding their daughter's emotions. The parents explore their own dynamics, seeking to break the cycle of withdrawal and reconnect with their daughter for healing.
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Hikikomori-Like Withdrawal Explained
- The daughter's two-year confinement resembles hikikomori: social withdrawal sustained by online connection.
- Esther notes the internet allows control over a curated life while avoiding the messy real world.
Parallel Silence Deepens Isolation
- Colluding with a withdrawn child creates a parallel silence that deepens isolation for the whole family.
- Esther Perel highlights that parents need outside input because mirroring the child's withdrawal doesn't help recovery.
Get Parental Support First
- Do seek support as parents, not just as a couple, so you can sustain helping your daughter rebuild slowly.
- Try family or parent-focused therapy alone first to learn how to invite her back into conversation.
