Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel It's Very Hard to Live with a Saint
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Jan 19, 2026 In a candid session, a couple grapples with early marriage conflicts that escalate rapidly. They explore how their differing childhoods and cultural backgrounds impact their communication styles. The man fears becoming weak like his father, while the woman deals with the residue of a violent upbringing. Discussions reveal how harsh words serve as emotional release and how perceptions of pride and goodness shape their arguments. Through guided reflection, they learn to reconnect by practicing empathy and acknowledging each other's feelings.
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Backgrounds Shape Relationship Roles
- Cultural scripts and childhood histories shape adult relationship roles and expectations.
- Esther Perel shows how their Latin-American backgrounds and family models framed who plays rescuer and who plays saint.
Overprotection And A Father Who Was 'Weak'
- The male guest describes himself as overprotected with a noble, nonfighting father and strong women in the family.
- He says he resists becoming like his father by holding rigid pride and refusing to be taken advantage of.
Conflict Is A Mutual Dance
- Conflict escalations are co-created: pursuit triggers withdrawal and vice versa.
- Esther emphasizes each partner's reciprocal contributions rather than blaming one person.
