
Pillow Talks
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Latest episodes

Jul 17, 2025 • 1h 6min
EPISODE 217: Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It
Explore the cringe-worthy phenomenon of 'the ick' in relationships, where even the smallest quirks can turn love into repulsion. Discover hilarious listener stories about everything from bad breath to annoying chewing, and what triggers these feelings. Learn how 'the ick' differs from serious red flags and get practical tips on handling attraction challenges. The hosts share light-hearted anecdotes about personal hygiene and the absurdity of romantic preferences, reminding us that even quirks can spark laughter in love.

10 snips
Jul 10, 2025 • 56min
EPISODE 216: The Truth About Being Passive In Bed: And How To Take Control
Ever felt awkward when asked to take control in the bedroom? You're not alone! This discussion dives into why many default to passivity and explores how men actually feel about women taking initiative. Discover how to foster open communication with your partner and engage fully in intimacy. Learn simple ways to build confidence, reframe control, and introduce a playful atmosphere, proving that taking charge doesn't have to come with pressure. It's all about balance, connection, and embracing the moment!

Jul 3, 2025 • 56min
EPISODE 215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire
Explore the fascinating differences between spontaneous and responsive sex drive types that can lead to mismatched intimacy in couples. Understand how mental desire and physical arousal don't always align, and why communication is key. Discover practical tips for initiating sex that respects both partners' needs. Learn to navigate relationship dynamics without resentment, and unlock the power of touch to rekindle excitement. This enlightening conversation offers a transformative mindset shift for couples seeking to bridge their intimacy gaps.

12 snips
Jun 27, 2025 • 55min
EPISODE 214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship)
This week, the hosts unpack the power of physical touch in relationships. They discuss the concept of 'touch starvation' and its impact, revealing that many couples crave more emotional and physical connection. Listeners learn the difference between sexual and non-sexual touch, and how both are essential for intimacy. With practical tips and a quick exercise to enhance affection, they emphasize the importance of communication about touch preferences. Tune in for insights that could spark new connections!

10 snips
Jun 20, 2025 • 1h 6min
EPISODE 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!)
Dive into the intriguing minds of men as they candidly discuss everything from their thoughts on doggy style to unexpected preferences in intimacy. Discover their humorous takes on aging and societal expectations while navigating the complexities of relationships. The conversation shines a light on personal grooming choices and how they impact attraction. Plus, get insights into what keeps them engaged in love and life, and the surprising truths about daily life dynamics. Laughter and honesty collide in this revealing exploration!

Jun 12, 2025 • 1h 18min
EPISODE 212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”
Explore the intriguing phenomenon known as the 'Bristle Reaction'—that instinctive withdrawal when a partner reaches out for affection. Discover the three main reasons behind this common occurrence and learn six actionable tips to reignite enjoyment in physical touch. The hosts delve into emotional intimacy, explaining how personal boundaries and communication play essential roles in navigating these complex feelings. Gain insights into the nuances of physical intimacy and how to foster deeper connections with your partner.

Jun 5, 2025 • 1h 9min
EPISODE 211: Ask A Sex Therapist: Penis Pumps, Pegging, + Postpartum Sex
A sex therapist and her husband tackle your most pressing and sometimes embarrassing questions about intimacy. They dive into whether it's odd not to kiss during sex, clarify what pegging is, and discuss the unique pleasures that may surpass traditional sexual experiences. The potential risks of using penis pumps and the dynamics of postpartum sex take center stage, alongside a candid look at masculinity post-vasectomy. Packed with humor and insight, this conversation encourages open communication and fosters a deeper understanding of sexual relationships.

May 29, 2025 • 1h 7min
EPISODE 210: How To Know When Enough Is Enough
This episode tackles the fine line between tolerating quirks and recognizing dealbreakers in relationships. From navigating gross habits to dead bedrooms, the hosts emphasize open communication and personal boundaries. Real stories provide insight into overcoming challenges like financial stress and emotional disconnection. Also discussed are the differences between patience and people-pleasing, plus strategies for enhancing intimacy. Whether it's a partner's messy habits or deeper emotional issues, this conversation offers tools to help you decide what's enough.

May 22, 2025 • 1h 4min
EPISODE 209: Mental Load: The #1 Desire Killer
Does sex feel like a chore? You're not alone! The discussion dives into how the mental load of daily life—like household chores and parenting—can drain desire and intimacy. Resentment and feeling like your partner is more of a kid than a teammate are explored. The hosts share practical tools for redistributing responsibilities and rekindling connection. Plus, there's advice on how open communication can lighten the load, helping you feel supported and understood in your relationship. It's all about transforming the mental load to enhance intimacy!

30 snips
May 15, 2025 • 1h 1min
EPISODE 208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix
Discover effective methods to escape a relationship rut with a four-week revitalization plan. Learn the difference between a rut and serious issues while implementing manageable actions. Embrace communication strategies that foster emotional intimacy, and explore the importance of rekindling connection through playful activities. The hosts stress that gradual progress is key, and provide practical exercises to enhance physical closeness. Get ready to ignite your bond and feel like a team again!