The Best of You

You want to keep the peace at all costs. The problem is sometimes anger is warranted. Sometimes conflict is needed. What do you do when everything in you does not want to be the one to speak up?On today’s episode, I am joined by my dear friend Rowena Day. This is a powerful conversation for anyone who has struggled with conflict, avoided anger, or stayed quiet to get along.The second half of this episode is a WHOLE WORD. Listen in for deep wisdom on how to come out of that protective peacekeeping shell and start using your voice. Do not miss the end, when Rowena describes what she’s learning about finding her voice from parenting 4 young children. And check out the shownotes on my website where we have listed all of the amazing books, videos, music, and devotionals mentioned in this episode!Here’s what we touch on:1. Why it’s normal to talk to yourself and how to pay attention to that inner dialogue 2. The power of attunement—and why interrupting and fixing each other doesn’t work 3. Why we learn to mute our voices 4. The power of generational messages5. Why we push anger aside, especially as women 6. Why it’s important for peacekeepers to make friends with anger 7. Rowena’s experience of speaking up about toxic behavior she was witnessing 8. Blame shifting and scapegoating in faith communities 9. Embracing the wildness of your soul 10. The double bind culture puts women in when it comes to using your voice  11. What we can learn from our childrenThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!  Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode of The Best of You Podcast is in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, and the holiday season in general. If you're dealing with a mixture of emotions today, this episode is for you.Holidays are complicated, and in today’s episode, I walk you through how to honor what’s hard, even as you give thanks for what’s good. We'll discuss:  1. Why it's normal for mixed emotions to show up on a holiday 2. How old ways of managing kick in—and leave us exhausted3. How to take brave steps to honor vs. manage hard emotions 4. The myth of the perfect family, the perfect holiday, or the perfect experience of gratitude 5. What we can learn from 5 characters in my favorite children's bookThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Find a full transcript of the episode and a list of resources mentioned here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OK, buckle up, today's conversation on The Best of You podcast goes deep, and we both get really honest about own struggles. I could have talked with Mary for hours about how to get off the treadmill of perfecting and proving your worth—and start claiming the life you actually want.You do not want to miss the end where we get into social media, the curse of comparison, and the approval chain from which no one is immune.We touch on so much in this episode including:1. The hidden fears that drive us to perfect and prove our way into belonging2. If we let go of working to earn the approval of others, then what? 3. The moment Mary discovered that chasing gold stars was not leading her to what she actually wanted4. The pitfalls and perils of social media5.  How to get out of comparison traps6.  The voice in our heads that keeps us running in circles7.  The real mark of emotional health (and it’s *not* never failing or never feeling hurt)8. 3 questions to ask yourself as you stop chasing approvalConnect with Mary at www.marymarantz.com/quizThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of The Best of You podcast, I’m talking with the wonderful and wise Toni Collier who shares bravely about finding herself stuck in the performance trap, and how she clawed her way out.Toni's capability & high capacity helped her survive, but she also wound up exhausted, broken, and numbing.As Toni says, “I had a source, which is God, but the resources I did not have.” And she had to learn to discover a more authentic, wholehearted way.Here's what we discuss:1.  How capability, strength, and achievement can turn into survival strategies2. Why we turn toward numbing as a way to cope with pain3. What finally drove her to get help 4. How she started to find healthy relationships and find her way out of the pain5. Practical ways she keeps the performer part of her in check now6. What she would say to her young performer's heart now(Be ready for some tears on this one. . .)Check out Toni’s new book, Brave Enough to be Broken anywhere books are sold.Thanks to our sponsor: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re kicking off a new series on The Best of You Podcast as we move into the last 2 months of the year.How do you shift from managing the perceptions of others to showing up more authentically?In today’s episode, I cover the 7 ways we tend to manage perceptions and why it doesn’t get us the real connections we crave.I also walk you through an exercise you can do NOW (as in, before the holiday haze sets in) to help you make brave decisions this holiday season.Here’s what we cover:1. What does it mean to manage perceptions and why do we do it?2. The 7 ways we tend to manage perceptions3. The 2 main problems with managing perceptions4. Why we have to “retrain” people (& their expectations of us)5. Examples of steps you can take to honor yourself & your relationships6. How to create your own “Yes/No List” to help you make brave decisions7. The courage it takes to say ‘no’ and how to honor the emotions that inevitably show up when you doFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!  Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover the art of saying 'no' to toxic behaviors with practical scripts and strategies. Learn the crucial difference in handling toxic relationships versus healthier ones. Explore when it might be necessary to cut ties completely. Delve into the real meaning of 'turn the other cheek' and why it needs re-evaluation. Plus, find out how forming a boundaries committee can offer support in establishing personal limits. This discussion is not just about boundaries; it's a pathway to empowerment and self-care.

Discover the art of saying 'no' in healthy relationships and why it's crucial for your well-being. Uncover five steps to strengthen your 'no muscle' and face the challenges of people-pleasing. Learn how to avoid criticism while communicating your needs effectively. Dive into practical scripts for different scenarios and explore the emotional complexities when someone refuses your requests. This insightful discussion empowers you to assert yourself while nurturing your relationships.

Explore the complexities of toxicity in relationships, distinguishing between harmful and healthy behaviors. Delve into the Spectrum of Toxicity and how it connects with concepts of evil in literature and theology. Learn about the key ingredients for setting healthy boundaries and the importance of self-awareness. Discover strategies for discerning toxic patterns while fostering personal growth and healing. This discussion is a journey toward becoming a wiser, healthier individual.

Today on the podcast, we're diving into this question I keep bumping up against: Am I wounded or am I a sinner? On one hand we go to church, and we’re told you're sinful; you need to repent, you need to die to yourself. On the other hand, we go to therapy, and we're told you're wounded; you've had trauma. You need to heal, so you can become more of your true self. So which one is it? In today's podcast episode, we discuss: 1. What is woundedness and how does it impact our behaviors?  2. What is sin?  3. The problem of shame  4. What about "the other side of sin" - the wounds of the sinned against?  5. What about repentance?  6. An application from the Bible  7. A next step you can take Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today! Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here Music by Andy Luiten  Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week’s podcast we’re talking all about building trust with yourself. This *internal* work is so important to the work of setting healthy external boundaries. I share with you an example from my own life and walk you through a process of connecting more deeply to what’s actually happening inside of you.As you connect more deeply to yourself, the boundaries you set with others will flow from a calmer, clearer place within. Here’s what we cover:1. A promise I made to myself and how it went 2. What to do when you’re activated by someone or something 3. The importance of understanding your own areas of wounding 4. What is a You-Turn? 5. Meeting & honoring the protective parts of you (before acting out of them) 6. How to get to the root of your own hurt (before taking action) 7. Learning to find your voice from that place of clarity deep withinThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Thanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices