The Best of You

Today on The Best of You podcast, we're starting a new series on Boundaries and the Bible. And we're starting with what I call the Yes Side of No.So many of us struggle with setting external boundaries because we keep the focus on the other person. But the work of setting boundaries starts inside of you.In today's episode, I walk you through how to build to trust with yourself from the inside out. Here's what we cover:1. Why I don’t believe boundaries start with No 2. Can I really learn to trust myself? 3. What about sin? 4. What is an internal (vs. external) locus of control and why does it matter? 5. Examples of promises you can make to parts of you carrying pain 6. Examples of promises you can make to your body 7. A challenge to you that we'll circle back to next week.Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes living at peace with other people, means living at peace with disappointing them.It’s incredibly important to balance your responsibility to other people with a deep sense of responsibility to your God-given self. It’s not only good for you. It’s good for other people.   Living at peace with yourself is a process of figuring out that balance. Here's what we cover in today's podcast episode:1. How to make peace with yourself 2. Making friends with yourself 3. Living at peace with others 4. Facing your fear of disappointing other people 5. How Jesus disappointed people 6. How to disappoint people with integrityThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At the exact moment I began to bring The Best of You to life, I encountered a  trauma that would literally knock me off my feet, forcing me to test everything I hoped to write about. This week is the 2-year anniversary of that trauma. It’s unbelievable to me that this book is coming out next week on 9/13.    In today’s episode, I read this very personal story from the introduction of The Best of You, along with some added commentary. It’s a tender story. Thank you for holding it with me.   Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Preorder The Best of You and take advantage of all the bonus resources until midnight on 9/12.   Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here  Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik   While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about selfhood. Many of us have been taught that "self" is bad. But there’s a big difference between selfhood and selfishness. Furthermore being selfless is not always the right choice.Reclaiming a healthy sense of self is not opposed to faith. In fact, learning to honor yourself goes hand-in-hand with honoring the One who made you.I get personal this week, because this journey is deeply personal for me. We discuss:1. My own story of loving God but not having a self 2. What is the difference between selfhood and selfishness? 3. Why is selfhood key to healthy relationships? 4. How selfhood is the missing first step to setting healthy boundaries 5. What does the bible have to say about selfhood? 6. Jesus’s example of selfhoodThanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s podcast episode is all about church hurt. A church is a family—at its best it’s a place to learn about God, a place to heal, and a place to give & receive in community. But just like any family, when leadership turns toxic the results are devastating. You have so many questions for me about the pain that comes at the hands of a church family. I enter into today’s episode with a spirit of reverence and a prayer for all who have been hurt in this way.1. What is church hurt? 2. The problem with the term church hurt 3. Why anyone with power (pastors, leaders, parents, and yes, even therapists!) hold great responsibility 4. Examples of church hurt 5. 3 Red Flags for toxic church cultures 6. The problem with groupthink 7. How do I heal from church hurt?Key Point: God doesn't force, control, or manipulate you. God meets you where you are tenderly, and He wants to restore the goodness in your life that was taken away from you by an abusive leader.Thanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode hereMusic by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s podcast episode is one of your top requests: it’s all about attachment. Be sure to listen to the end for my thoughts on how attachment wounds impact our human relationships and our experience of a loving God. Here’s what we discuss:1. Why I think we’re not just one attachment style2. What are 4 different attachment styles?3. Can your attachment style change?4. The key ingredient that creates attachment5. How to create secure attachment with your own children6. Why our attachment styles create confusion in our adult relationships7. A picture of healthy attachment from a favorite old movie8. My thoughts on God and attachmentThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s podcast episode is packed. Phew! You wanted to talk CPTSD (or complex trauma) so that’s where we’re going, with a side note on trauma & faith communities and some thoughts on what it *really* means to find safety in other people.1. What is CPTSD? 2. What are the symptoms of CPTSD? 3. How does it impact healthy self-trust & an experience of safety in other people? 4. Why I don’t believe you are a label 5. My thoughts on trauma and faith communities 6. 4 key ways to heal from CPTSDThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Preorder The Best of YouRegister for 5 Toxic Behaviors & How to Protect YourselfFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dive into the fascinating world of fear responses, exploring the Fawn Response and its roots in childhood trauma. Learn how behaviors like fawning can lead to exhaustion and unhealthy relationships. Discover practical steps to break free, including breathing techniques and the importance of sharing fears with trusted individuals. The discussion highlights the significance of authenticity and offers strategies for reclaiming personal needs while navigating complex emotions. A deep yet accessible look at the psychology of people pleasing awaits!

This week on the podcast, I’m answering 3 of your questions! All of these questions relate to dealing with our parents as adults:1. How do you cope with an internal critical voice that came from a parent?2. What is the next step after recognizing that my parents were narcissistic?3. Am I disrespecting my parents when I set boundaries with them?I discuss:—What is an inner critic?—How do we retrain an internal critical voice?—What beliefs do we take in when raised by narcissistic parents?—What is trauma-informed therapy?—God’s heart for healing—Boundaries 101 principles as an adult with your parentsStay tuned for next week’s new series: Psychology Buzzwords Round 2 - Listener’s Choice EditionFind a list of resources for this episode hereSign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul Music by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward.She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn’t come out until after she’d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his.Before we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points:  —If someone is telling you: “If you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn’t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)”  that’s called *blame shifting* and it’s toxic.  —If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won’t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.)Here’s what we discuss in this episode:  1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships  2. How doing all the “right things” didn’t work.  3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit  4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about  5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame  6. How Eryn learned to “date herself” and find validation apart from men  7. Why it’s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain  8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experienceConnect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving www.eryneddy.com  www.soworthloving.comFind a list of resources for this episode here.Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices