The Best of You

Today’s podcast episode is all about church hurt. A church is a family—at its best it’s a place to learn about God, a place to heal, and a place to give & receive in community. But just like any family, when leadership turns toxic the results are devastating. You have so many questions for me about the pain that comes at the hands of a church family. I enter into today’s episode with a spirit of reverence and a prayer for all who have been hurt in this way.1. What is church hurt? 2. The problem with the term church hurt 3. Why anyone with power (pastors, leaders, parents, and yes, even therapists!) hold great responsibility 4. Examples of church hurt 5. 3 Red Flags for toxic church cultures 6. The problem with groupthink 7. How do I heal from church hurt?Key Point: God doesn't force, control, or manipulate you. God meets you where you are tenderly, and He wants to restore the goodness in your life that was taken away from you by an abusive leader.Thanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode hereMusic by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s podcast episode is one of your top requests: it’s all about attachment. Be sure to listen to the end for my thoughts on how attachment wounds impact our human relationships and our experience of a loving God. Here’s what we discuss:1. Why I think we’re not just one attachment style2. What are 4 different attachment styles?3. Can your attachment style change?4. The key ingredient that creates attachment5. How to create secure attachment with your own children6. Why our attachment styles create confusion in our adult relationships7. A picture of healthy attachment from a favorite old movie8. My thoughts on God and attachmentThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s podcast episode is packed. Phew! You wanted to talk CPTSD (or complex trauma) so that’s where we’re going, with a side note on trauma & faith communities and some thoughts on what it *really* means to find safety in other people.1. What is CPTSD? 2. What are the symptoms of CPTSD? 3. How does it impact healthy self-trust & an experience of safety in other people? 4. Why I don’t believe you are a label 5. My thoughts on trauma and faith communities 6. 4 key ways to heal from CPTSDThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Preorder The Best of YouRegister for 5 Toxic Behaviors & How to Protect YourselfFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Psychology Buzzwords are back, only this time you picked the topics! This week we're focusing on the 4 Fear Responses, often called Survival Responses or Trauma Responses, with a special look at the Fawn Response. 1. What are 4 common fear responses?  2. What is the freeze response?  3. What is disassociation?  4. How are these responses helpful?  5. What is this Fawn Response?  6. What are the hidden fears underneath it? 7. Why doesn't talking myself out of a fear response work?  8. What *does* work to help me return to calm? Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today! Find a list of resources for this episode here. Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at dralisoncook.com  Music by Andy Luiten  Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the podcast, I’m answering 3 of your questions! All of these questions relate to dealing with our parents as adults:1. How do you cope with an internal critical voice that came from a parent?2. What is the next step after recognizing that my parents were narcissistic?3. Am I disrespecting my parents when I set boundaries with them?I discuss:—What is an inner critic?—How do we retrain an internal critical voice?—What beliefs do we take in when raised by narcissistic parents?—What is trauma-informed therapy?—God’s heart for healing—Boundaries 101 principles as an adult with your parentsStay tuned for next week’s new series: Psychology Buzzwords Round 2 - Listener’s Choice EditionFind a list of resources for this episode hereSign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul Music by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward.She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn’t come out until after she’d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his.Before we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points:  —If someone is telling you: “If you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn’t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)”  that’s called *blame shifting* and it’s toxic.  —If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won’t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.)Here’s what we discuss in this episode:  1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships  2. How doing all the “right things” didn’t work.  3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit  4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about  5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame  6. How Eryn learned to “date herself” and find validation apart from men  7. Why it’s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain  8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experienceConnect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving www.eryneddy.com  www.soworthloving.comFind a list of resources for this episode here.Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you struggle with body image or how to make wise decisions on behalf of what you *actually* want out of your life, please do not miss this episode.Christy Meeks provides such grounded, thoughtful, and focused insight into how she overcame the pain of weaponizing her body and learned to work with her body as a beautiful and unique gift. She is a wife, a mom of 5 children, and a body image coach.1. How one painful moment in childhood changed the way she viewed her body for decades 2. The way exercise can be both a weapon and a superpower 3. How to find ways to physicalize emotional pain, so that it flows through our bodies 4. The pain of miscarriage 5. Why she decided to leave social media 6. How to translate self-awareness to action, so that we’re living our lives with intention. 7. How true freedom comes from the inner conviction that you are living the life that is right for YOU.You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here. Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This podcast is a gold mine of rich, hopeful nuggets for anyone who has struggled to overcome limiting beliefs. My guest, Mary Marantz, is so gentle and thoughtful and wise as she reflects on the challenges of her childhood and the life she went on to create. It’s a beautiful tribute to the power of “both—and.”  We discuss these topics and more:  1. Different types of poverty 2. How the messages our parents give us and the desires of our own hearts can create painful inner conflict 3. The limiting beliefs we pick up without even realizing it—and how to break free from them 4. How to honor a parent while also disagreeing with them 5. The 10 scripts we all have to confront in our minds 6. The temptation—and the danger—of being the woman who always come through  Connect with Mary at www.marymarantz.com/quiz, or on Instagram @marymarantz  You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This conversation is an absolute gift. Bianca is a powerhouse of wisdom who talks honestly about the hidden pain that both motivated her and almost got the best of her. She shares about the moment she passed out on her dorm room floor from carrying so much hidden pain—and how she began to face the fears that drove her.   You do not want to miss her encouragement for listeners with mother or father wounds and the commitment she made to herself to “die empty." We discuss these topics and more:  1. Will I struggle with feeling pain forever? 2. Why trying to “just be happy” doesn’t work. 3. How her first trip to counseling was a bust 4. How fear can motivate us in both positive and negative ways 5. The burdens of generational trauma that can add to our pain 6. The pressure she put on herself to heal so she wouldn’t pass on pain to her own children 7. How she learned to advocate for herself and “staffed” herself accordingly  Connect with Bianca at behindtheconfidentsmile.com or on Instagram: @biancancotton & @behindtheconfidentsmile   You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at dralisoncook.com/podcastSign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are launching a new series on the podcast this week:Real People Overcoming Real Problems! You do not want to miss this very first episode with author, speaker, podcaster, and new friend of mine, Ashley Abercrombie who shares with me her story of overcoming addiction and learning to ask for help.  Ashley speaks candidly about the pain in her life, how she tried to numb it, and the divide that nearly shattered her until she learned to ask for help. And do not miss the last part of this interview where Ashley talks about how she's been getting through a period of extended isolation and loneliness these past few years.  We discuss SO MUCH in this episode—here are just a few highlights:  1. The various big “T” and little “t” traumas that can lead to addiction and painful patterns of self-soothing. 2. Why carrying your pain silently doesn’t work. 3. How Ashley finally found healing in safe community 4. Why failure is our friend 5. How to be helpful (and what’s not helpful) to people who are struggling 6. The wisdom Ashley would give her 20-year-old self now.   Connect with Ashley on InstagramAshley’s After Hours newsletter on SubstackBooks by Ashley: Rise of the Truth Teller: Own Your Story, Tell It Like It Is, and Live with Holy Gumption Love Is the Resistance: Learn to Disagree, Resolve the Conflicts You've Been Avoiding, and Create Real Change  You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode, at https://www.dralisoncook.com/podcastSign up at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices