Episode 31: Peace-Keeping, Anger Avoidance, and How to Start Using Your Voice

You want to keep the peace at all costs. The problem is sometimes anger is warranted. Sometimes conflict is needed. What do you do when everything in you does not want to be the one to speak up?

On today’s episode, I am joined by my dear friend Rowena Day. This is a powerful conversation for anyone who has struggled with conflict, avoided anger, or stayed quiet to get along.

The second half of this episode is a WHOLE WORD. Listen in for deep wisdom on how to come out of that protective peacekeeping shell and start using your voice. Do not miss the end, when Rowena describes what she’s learning about finding her voice from parenting 4 young children. And check out the shownotes on my website where we have listed all of the amazing books, videos, music, and devotionals mentioned in this episode!

Here’s what we touch on:

1. Why it’s normal to talk to yourself and how to pay attention to that inner dialogue 

2. The power of attunement—and why interrupting and fixing each other doesn’t work 

3. Why we learn to mute our voices 

4. The power of generational messages

5. Why we push anger aside, especially as women 

6. Why it’s important for peacekeepers to make friends with anger 

7. Rowena’s experience of speaking up about toxic behavior she was witnessing 

8. Blame shifting and scapegoating in faith communities 

9. Embracing the wildness of your soul 

10. The double bind culture puts women in when it comes to using your voice  

11. What we can learn from our children

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Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik 

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

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