Beyond Success

Most people who struggle with connection chalk it up to a personality trait. They think their personality, which benefits them in other areas, just makes connection harder for them.  But this is actually a defense mechanism in disguise, created by a protective part of you that was created by an old wound. This wounded part of you whispers into your ear that connection will come if you just hustle more, achieve more accolades, or have more material success.  But this protective part of you is stuck in old beliefs that protected you in your formative years, but will sabotage you in adult life.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? This doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally broken or flawed. It just means that your protective parts are still trying to protect you—they’re just doing it in a way that deprives you of the connection you need to feel fulfilled.  In today’s show, I’ll explain four distinct ways this might be manifesting in your life, so you can build awareness and start to heal the protective parts who accidentally trick you into self-sabotage.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Watch out for these sneaky defense mechanisms that will keep you unfulfilled and miserable (worst part? they seem like logic!) (0:16)  How old relationship wounds resurface in intimate adult relationships and prevent you from the connection your true self seeks (2:44)  3 key childhood ingredients that create the “lone wolf” defense mechanism identity (3:44)  Why accumulating more status, value, or wealth won’t fix the empty hole in your relationship (and how to actually heal this void) (6:25)  Do you always hit a wall when it’s time to be vulnerable? Here’s how to help an exiled part of you heal so emotional walls stop suffocating intimacy (12:55)  How to leverage your fear to create the deep connections your subconscious craves (14:02)  The weird, but true way high achievers use productivity as a distraction (and how this crushes your self-worth the more successful you become) (15:47)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Successful high achievers think they can always rely on themselves more than on other people. This idea helped fuel their success.  But it’s also why their success isn’t fulfilling, and why they feel on the verge of burnout.  In fact, a deep-rooted drive to do everything yourself is a sign that something's off under the surface. Isolation isn’t a strength. It’s a slow acting poison that leads to burnout, frustration, and an early grave.  And you know what? If you resonate with this, you’ve just encountered a problem that you cannot solve alone.  Why? Because the answer to unfulfilling success is connection. Connection is the key to everything you want (even if you don’t realize it or have tricked yourself into enjoying your own isolation).  In today’s show, you’ll discover why so many achievers screw up this fundamental truth about building a good and fulfilling and successful life—and how to start getting it right.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The little-known reason why grinding your life away can be as lethal to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (1:51)  How high achievers rewire their nervous system to be more susceptible and affected by stress (and how to reverse this before it’s too late) (4:52) Why aren’t the wealthiest and most successful people the happiest? Here’s the cold, hard truth (6:12)  The bizarre way your friend’s friend’s friend can make you gain weight (even if you never meet him)—and how this broadly applies to your entire social network (7:25)  Maslow admitted his hierarchy of needs was wrong… are you still basing your success around it? (12:07)   4 fundamental human anxieties that drive all of your behavior (15:59)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

If you’re a high achiever, you probably have a tendency to prioritize work above all else. Results are the most important thing to you. And all the other stuff—like deep relationships that offer true connection—are treated as “nice to haves.”  But this is perhaps the biggest tragedy a high achiever could face. Because when something hits the fan one day (whether a gut-wrenching divorce, a paralyzing business problem, or even achieving a massive milestone), there’s nobody you care about whom you can really turn to. Nobody who actually cares about your triumphs or tribulations.  Worst part? You never feel truly fulfilled because you can’t be fulfilled without connection. Instead, you just feel empty. Like something deep is missing.  And you know what? It’s also an example of hustling backwards. If you truly want to be as successful as you can and feel deeply fulfilled even in the face of challenges, connection matters more than your skill set, your IQ, or any other metric you think contributes to success. This is backed by several studies that came to this exact conclusion: Connection is the hidden key to success and longevity and happiness.  In today’s show, you’ll see how lacking deep, meaningful relationships prevent success, fulfillment, happiness, and even your longevity. And more importantly, you’ll discover how to reverse these common trends achievers experience before it’s too late.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The hard way high achievers can live longer, become more successful and feel more fulfilled (0:36)  How chronic loneliness kills you at the same rate as smoking 15 cigarettes per day (2:16)  Have you ever felt like you should be happy, but aren’t? Here’s what’s happening behind the scenes of your emotions and how to fix it (4:10)  The single most powerful “optimization hack” that most achievers completely overlook and ignore (5:16)  Here’s the one thing all the best companies, highest performing teams, and most effective have in common (it’s not the most skilled employees or teams with the highest IQ) (9:11)  How to boost the most important metrics of your team—like performance, creativity, resilience, and retention—by focusing on emotions, not results (12:35)  The cold, hard truth about why friendships disappear (and how to stop them before they do) (13:30)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Uncover the hidden patterns sabotaging your relationships. Discover how childhood experiences shape your attraction choices and why your subconscious is at play. Dive into the significance of integrating your 'shadow' to break free from toxic cycles. Explore the impact of past traumas that keep you from being your authentic self in dating. Learn how to enhance self-worth and cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections. It’s time to retake control and transform your relationship dynamics.

As a former player myself, I know first-hand how crushing the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” is. Almost all players fall into this psychological trap that only leads to rage, doubt, depression, and despair.  But you know what?  It’s not just players who are at risk of falling into this sabotaging cycle. Any one who builds his or her identity around external validation is at risk of falling into this deep emotional hole, where compulsive self-destruction and total emptiness become your new normal.  To drive home just how devastating the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, today’s episode looks at a real life example of how this cycle plays out. In today’s show, we’re analyzing the tragic rise and fall of one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, Erik von Markovik, better known as Mystery.  Mystery’s story shows you just how dangerous the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, why seeking external validation always results in misery, and how to pull yourself out of this toxic cycle if you show any of the telltale signs.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: A real life example of how being trapped in the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” can throw you into a suicidal episode (3:04)  The weird reason successful players become obsessive, jealous, and insecure when facing real intimacy (6:54)  2 things every man must do to break out of the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” (or it will forever sabotage your relationships) (8:37)  How relying on external validation is a fast track to being consumed by rage, doubt, depression, and despair (10:39)  Why you’re drawn to romantic partners who reflect your deepest childhood wounds (and how to avoid heartbreak in these relationships) (15:12)  The counterintuitive reason narcissistic defenses actually come from deep, unresolved traumas, not arrogance like most people believe (24:22)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Men who have a desire to improve at dating often fall into the trap of tactics. And they fundamentally believe that their lack of success is not because of them, but because of the modern dating world.  So they seek to “optimize” individual tactics involved in modern dating—fixing their profile on dating apps, becoming more successful in their career, hitting the gym and getting a six-pack—without ever confronting the real root cause of their dating failures: Themselves! Of course, this route is far easier than confronting your deep-rooted emotional issues. You may even experience short-term successes too: More dates, getting laid more often, and being surrounded by beautiful women more often.  But this short-term success comes with a cost… It deprives you of the very thing you actually want: A real, authentic connection with someone you love.  Why? Because obsessing over dating tactics is a way to blame the world for your failures instead of looking in the mirror. But only by looking in the mirror and doing the work can you actually create an authentic and fulfilling relationship.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why men externalize their dating struggles instead of owning them, how unresolved attachment wounds keep you in the same toxic dating patterns, how chasing external validation leads to loneliness, and most importantly, how to actually address these issues so they stop showing up in your dating life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way getting more matches on dating apps can erode your confidence (1:09)  Do you think that women only care about status and wealth? Here’s why this is an example of classic projection of your insecurities (3:12) How taking the easy route in dating helps you overcome heartache faster—at the expense of a successful lasting relationship (5:14)  3 questions that break through your unconscious projections sabotaging your dating life (6:52)  Why do people end up in the same, frustrating dating patterns no matter how much they've learned from previous relationships? They fall into one of these three categories… (8:31)  How obsessing over your profile on dating apps prevents you from experiencing true love and connection. Here’s why: (18:25)  The insidious “Grandiosity-Shame Dynamic” that explains why men struggle in their relationships with women (and how to conquer this shortcoming) (21:45)  How you’re setting yourself up for loneliness, resentment, and self-destruction in your dating life without even realizing it (24:50)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Does your relationship feel like it's dying a slow death? The passion is gone. The original spark has been extinguished. And resentment for your partner may even be surfacing.  Here’s the truth: This is a “stress test” almost all relationships go through. But if you’re a people pleaser, then, well, this is usually where your relationship goes to die.  Why? Because people pleasers see the signs of a relationship dying and unknowingly double down on the exact things that drove the relationship to the graveyard in the first place. This only suffocates it faster.  So, how do you handle this relationship problem in a way that fosters attraction, commitment, and enjoyment in your relationship instead of smothering it?  In today’s show, I reveal three key steps to reignite the spark in your relationship, share the missing ingredient that creates lasting attraction, and show you how to rebuild a more fulfilling relationship.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The truth behind why your relationship feels hollow (hint: the missing piece isn’t love) (0:35)  How ignoring this fact of human nature sets you up for mediocrity in your relationships, career, and personal life (1:04)  Why the "Effort Justification Theory” can reveal why a relationship feels empty—and give you a roadmap for reigniting the spark (2:27)   Here’s the real reason why attraction fades in a relationship (and why it has nothing to do with how attractive you are) (5:33)  The secret emotional ingredient for creating authentic, passionate feelings in any relationship (8:10)  Ever wonder why so many marriages end in divorce? These are the 2 major causes (8:37) Why people pleasers tend to resent their partners when they neglect this (12:21)  How willpower suffocates emotional ties and cripples relationships (14:44)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

When you want to become more successful in business, relationships, or life, most people focus on tactics, strategies, and skills. But there’s a bigger obstacle to your success than your lack of tactics, strategies, and skills… In fact, without first addressing this obstacle, success will never come easy, no matter how hard you keep pushing.  Why? Because the obstacle you have to overcome is yourself. And no amount of pushing, prodding, or plotting can help you outrun yourself.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  You don’t have to outrun yourself to succeed. Instead, you have to master your “Inner Game,” or the internal thoughts and feelings that run in the background of your subconscious. When you master your “Inner Game,” your inner critic becomes your most ardent and loyal supporter.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how to take the first step towards mastering your internal world, so success in business, relationships, and life naturally follows.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The #1 biggest obstacle most achievers overlook and ignore—and how it costs them (0:32)  The “Inner Game” secret that only the world’s most successful and fulfilled people understand (1:39)  How a tennis coach can show you how to be a better leader, a better husband, and a better father (even if you’ve never swung a tennis racket in your life) (1:48)  Why pushing harder for success leaves you more vulnerable to gut-wrenching failures (and what to do instead when success plateaus) (2:24)  2 simple steps to transform your inner critic from your archrival to your most loyal ally (5:29)  The bizarre way achievers fear success more than failure (and how to figure out if you do this too) (6:13) How worrying about the sending the perfect text to a new romantic interest or hiring the perfect candidate for your business makes it impossible to do either (9:12)  Why preparing too much can sink a business deal, sabotage a romantic relationship, and fill you with endless dread (11:22)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Question:  Have you ever reached a high point in life (a major win, a big breakthrough, or a massive milestone)... only to feel like the rug’s been pulled from underneath you?  Well, I have good news and bad news: If you find yourself second guessing yourself, procrastinating, picking fights with loved ones, or just a sinking, uneasy feeling that shows up whenever an opportunity knocks on your door, you might be going through the “Upper Limit Problem.”  The “Upper Limit Problem” happens when emotional energies from your childhood (and sometimes, from your parents’, grandparents’, and even ancestors’ childhoods) creates a heavy cloud over your emotional mind. It's vague, yet oppressive. And it can sabotage relationships, suffocate success, and stifle fulfillment and freedom.  But here’s the good news:  You don’t have to carry these burdens—whether they stem from your own experience or from generational fear and beliefs. And I show you exactly how to start this process of unburdening yourself in this episode.  Ready to remove these invisible limits, open up more opportunities, and unlock a deeper, more lasting sense of joy, love and fulfillment? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious, invisible force that pulls the rug from under you every time you achieve a new milestone (and how to break free from its wrath) (0:44)  How "unattached burdens” from your parents’ childhoods can sabotage your relationships, limit your career opportunities, and keep you stuck in a loop of frustration (3:03)  The historical reason behind why Asian parents have a tendency to downplay their children’s success (4:31)  Do you ever feel a weird heaviness overtake you whenever you get close to a big opportunity? Here’s why this happens and how to prevent it (5:35)  5 examples of how the “Upper Limit Problem” manifests in your adult life (if you notice yourself doing any of these, here’s what to do…) (7:53)  How to release the unattached burdens your subconscious picked up from generational fears or beliefs that prevent you from living a truly fulfilling life (16:32)  Why well-meaning, but misguided messages from childhood can cripple and hinder your success today (20:51)  Is your business stuck in a cycle of withering instead of growing? Here’s one unusual way to grow your business by 50% (24:09)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

When your team, family, and friends rely on you for everything, and you don’t know how to say no, then you’re on a path of self-destruction.  Why? Because an inability to set boundaries and assert yourself stems from toxic shame you picked up at some point in your life. If you don’t address this toxic shame, burn out, resentment, and self-loathing follow.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? While learning how to assert yourself might not be the easiest thing you do, it’s possible. And today’s episode is your first step towards reversing your toxic shame, figuring out how to set boundaries without feeling guilty, and creating space for tremendous growth.  Tired of feeling exhausted because you’re saying yes to everything? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The most single most insidious word that causes good husbands and leaders to snap, burn out, and spiral into resentment and self-loathing (0:55)  How to tell if you have a healthy or toxic form of shame (2:51)  The sneaky way toxic shame sabotages your confidence, assertiveness, and self-respect (5:03)  Try this simple exercise the next time you feel guilty about setting a boundary (6:37)  Why avoiding asserting yourself sends you down a wicked toxic loop of resentment and burn out (and practical ways to better assert yourself) (14:13)  The “broken record” technique for setting boundaries if it usually makes you uncomfortable (16:14)  Ask your inner critic these questions next time you hear it to siphon away its power (19:29)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery