From a young age, attractive women become masters at sniffing out neediness. Most men don’t discover this fact about life until they’ve sabotaged their dating lives and relationships. But here’s the good news: There’s a proven system for overcoming your neediness. It won’t happen overnight, but it will free you from the sadistic grip neediness has over you.  In this episode, you’ll discover the 7 steps to obliterate your neediness for good.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: - How your fear about relationships dupes you into making relationship-ending mistakes (even if you don’t realize it) (2:40)  - The counterintuitive reason becoming wealthy skyrockets your neediness (3:04)  - Why women can see through your inauthentic attempts to get to know their personality like Swiss cheese (4:41)  - The fundamental human needs that help you exterminate your neediness (9:03)  - Why having an agenda of picking up women when you go out subconsciously repels them from you (13:27)  - The 7 experiential steps to meet your own needs and obliterate your neediness (20:30)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

In order to find a loving relationship, you need to become somebody you’re not. You need to rock a new haircut, fill your wardrobe with designer clothes, and hit the gym 24/7. You need to morph into Sean Connery’s James Bond.  Charming, handsome, seductive, and irresistible to modern women. Here’s the thing: If you’re seeking a long-term relationship, this is easily the worst advice you could ever listen to! Now, if you're optimizing your life for a short-term fling, have at it. Be the “player.” But I’m assuming you're reading this because you want a long-term relationship. And if you are, then what you need to do is unburden the already naturally attractive parts in you. In today’s episode, I reveal the 7 steps to unleashing the already naturally attractive parts within you. Listen now! Show Highlights Include: - The “BSYANA” myth that sabotages your chances of finding a loving relationship with the “one” (3:28) - How to unleash the naturally attractive parts of yourself with these 7 steps (9:03) - Why most men fail to be the man that modern women desire most (hint: it’s not being a macho man like Sean Connery’s James Bond) (16:23) - The “LASAE” strategy to be sexually attractive in the eyes of heterosexual women (21:01) - How to form deeper emotional connections with women by teleporting back to your teenage self (23:33) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

A lot of guys struggle with dating for a fundamental reason:  They don’t even know themselves well enough to attract a kindred spirit. Relationships and dating become much easier when you have similar interests and values as your partner. This is particularly true at the beginning of the dating process. And it doesn’t rely on you getting lucky on a dating app.  But how do you discover yourself and your true interests? And how does this naturally attract your ideal partner to you?  Well, here’s some good news:  This self-discovery process is fun! And after listening to this episode, you’ll not only know how to take this self-discovery journey in the most effective way, but you’ll also figure out how to “twist” this into attracting your ideal partner.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to optimize your lifestyle in a way that naturally brings potential partners into your life who are well suited to you (1:49)   5 simple exercises to figure out your favorite hobbies (even if you’ve never done them before) (5:03)  Why discovering more hobbies can naturally magnetize your ideal partner (7:07)  The “Social Aspects” secret for twisting your favorite hobby into a social activity (7:30)  How to meet suitable romantic partners without wasting time swiping left or right on dating apps (9:14)  How to build a balanced and attractive lifestyle (even if you’re naturally shy) (17:48)  An unusual way to eliminate your neediness by simply having fun (21:43)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Do you ever wish you were more alpha?  It’s a big buzzword thrown around in forums by bitter and resentful men. And if you keep striving to be more alpha, you’ll suffocate your relationships, suppress your emotions, and sabotage your happiness.  Why?  Because the pop culture view of the alpha male couldn’t be further from the truth about how real alphas operate. It’s not about being feared or dominating, it’s about leading with compassion, connection, and empathy.  If you want to be a true alpha and embody real masculinity, you have to stop striving to be an alpha. It’s counterintuitive, but effective.  In today’s show, I debunk the myth of the alpha male, explain how striving to be more alpha leads you down a destructive and isolating path, and reveal how to embody a healthier, truer version of masculinity that leads to lasting happiness and fulfillment—both in your relationships and your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious “Fake Alpha Male” trap men fall into when they frequent forums that leads you down a destructive and isolating path (0:31)  Why true alpha males are actually the most empathetic, most protective of the weak, and the ultimate peace keepers (2:26)  The root causes of wanting to be a toxic alpha male (and how addressing them leads to a happier, more fulfilled life) (6:59)   Why striving to be seen as an alpha male automatically means you’re not (and how to be ok with yourself even when you’re not admired, respected, or feared) (12:51)  How your desperation to be an alpha male suffocates your relationships, suppresses your emotions, and sabotages your happiness (17:44)  The “Aragorn” secret for embodying a healthier and truer version of masculinity (28:12)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Today I’d like you to meet Ryan. Ryan’s a first responder with a strong sense of fairness, and he loves to help people who need it.  Those are both noble qualities, so on the surface it all sounds great. But as Ryan processed the end of a marriage he tried to make sense of why some things bothered him so much, and why certain patterns kept repeating in his life. He turned to me to talk about it, and together we explored how even great qualities can cause problems when they’re driven by unresolved issues lingering beneath the surface. This episode is definitely for you if you get enraged when people offend you, or have trouble setting boundaries. You’ll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries, and practical questions to ask yourself as you work through situations that make you mad. You’ll also be reminded that you’re probably not broken, you probably don’t need fixing, but you, like everyone else, can still grow, improve, and mature. Remembering this can help you be more empathetic to yourself and others. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to know when the high standards you have for other people are justified and when they aren’t. (8:29) The surprising reality behind that rage you feel and how embracing it can help you handle unprocessed resentment. (10:33) Why an empty chair can help you patch a damaged relationship. (13:03) How to set healthy boundaries so people can’t hijack your emotions and live in your mind rent free. (19:00) The clear difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. (19:24) The stunning reason society is better when people have the right to be jerks. And the nightmare result if that right is revoked. (21:55) The only question you need to ask to know if your anger is misplaced. (23:29) Why spitting on your father’s grave could improve relationships. (23:43) The counterintuitive way focusing on yourself makes you more empathetic. (27:56) “Savior Cycle”: What it is and how to know when to jump in and help, and when to stand down. (34:16) The Jean-Luc Picard method to process trauma. (35:49) The Quicksand Strategy to love somebody through their problems. (45:17) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Inside Out 2 gives you a brilliant in-depth look into your inner world. Just by watching the movie, you’ll better understand yourself, your emotions, and how to handle emotions better. But if you pair this movie with this podcast episode, you’ll also discover the actionable steps you can take today to balance your emotions, access your higher self, and lead the various parts of you more effectively.  The result?  You’ll become more attractive. You’ll have an easier time dating. You’ll develop healthier and stronger relationships. And you’ll create a better life for yourself all around.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why watching movies like Inside Out 2 are more effective for mastering your emotions than many books and courses (1:39)  The weird way watching Inside Out 2 can improve your dating life (3:09)   How to get a better understanding of how anxiety interferes with and sabotages your life (3:42)  Why the “Be Yourself” advice shy guys usually hear increases their anxiety (and how to get over this feeling) (5:58)  How to radically improve your self-confidence by using the “From Within” secret (8:30)  How anxiety hijacks your imagination and weaponizes your thoughts against you (and one trick to help ease your anxiety) (10:35) Why cold water and exercise can dramatically decrease your anxiety (12:40)  An in-depth look at how anxiety affects all of your parts from an IFS lens (16:53)  How to apply the lessons embedded in Inside Out 2 to real life (19:13)  Why balancing your emotions instead of suppressing them leads to healthier relationships and better decisions (25:12)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Perhaps the biggest lie spread by the Red Pill community is how humans are simple slaves to our biology. This is how they rationalize the obviously irrational myth that a woman will leave you as soon as she finds a more attractive, wealthier, or higher-status man.  Not only does this myth corrupt your relationship with women, but it can even corrupt the relationship you have with yourself. The sad truth is falling for the Red Pill lies is a fast way to end up lonely, miserable, and hopeless.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  Despite how attractive the Red Pill mindset can be to some men, it’s based on blatant lies. And I'll prove it in this episode.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why women aren’t slaves to hypergamy and status-chasing, how you can boost your attractiveness to women, and the real characteristics women value more than wealth, status, or good looks.  If you’ve been stuck in the Red Pill trap, this episode will help free you from it—before you wind up bitter, resentful, and hopeless.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How adopting a “Red Pill Mindset” leads to bitterness and resentment at best—and pain, self-destruction, and hopelessness at worst (0:47)  Why women aren’t only interested in status-chasing with their relationships (even if the Red Pill bros say they are) (3:45)  The biggest misconceptions about hypergamy spread by Red Pill circles that will always make you feel less fulfilled in a relationship than you otherwise would’ve been (7:19)   How to avoid projecting your deepest, darkest secrets onto your partner (13:28) Need proof that the Red Pill community is full of you-know-what? Look no further than at… (16:41)  3 powerful tools for couples to help them build their emotional intelligence and adopt a growth mindset so their relationship improves over time (instead of becoming another divorce statistic) (18:46)  Hate getting into fights with your partner? Here’s how developing your EQ can transform dumpster fires into opportunities to strengthen your bond (20:13)  4 character traits that women value more than your looks, status, or wealth (27:22)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There are two specific virtues characteristic of your higher self. These two virtues can turn your inner demons into inner supporters. They help you overcome deep-seated trauma and pain that keeps sabotaging your relationships. They can reduce your anxiety and depression. And they can make every aspect of your life—whether in relationships, in your career, or anything else—more fulfilling and enjoyable.  So, what are these two virtues?  Courage and compassion.  While courage is generally considered masculine and compassion feminine, the combination of the two is the only way to heal you of your traumas, free yourself from the burden of resentment, and start you on a journey towards true transformative change.  But I won’t delude you: Developing courage and compassion can be difficult. That’s why it’s so rare when it happens in real life.  That said, it’s possible. And after listening to this episode, you’ll be steps ahead of the average person towards developing these two virtues.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how courage and compassion heal and integrate your inner parts, how to balance justice and mercy after someone wrongs you, why forgiveness benefits both the forgiver and forgiven, and realize how crucial these two virtues are for creating a life without regrets.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why hurt people hurt people—and how to break this vicious cycle instead of perpetuating it (0:38)  How to morph your inner demons into inner supporters through the “Two C’s” method (1:02)  The “respond, not react” secret for healing your deep-rooted traumas and pains in a healthier and more effective way (5:18)  How scribbling in a journal or walking in nature can help you reconnect with your true self and heal your traumas (7:03)  Do you have trouble forgiving people who have wronged you? Here’s how to free yourself from the burden of resentment (and why it’s crucial for your emotional health and relationship) (9:22)  2 exercises you can do today and for free to cultivate the skill of courage and compassion (20:11)  How to react and respond better to life’s natural ups and downs (without being overwhelmed by negative emotions) (25:30)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most men, especially hypermasculine men, feel like therapy doesn’t work for them. Or worse yet, that therapy could never work for them.  And I get it. Not only are up to 80% of mental health workers women, but traditional psychotherapy operates through a feminine lens that further alienates masculine men.  When men go through traditional therapy, they often feel discouraged, angry, and unheard. Because the feminine approach doesn't account for their lifelong conditioning about how emotions make you weak.  But nothing could be further from the truth: Not only do emotions add all the spice to life that makes it worth living, but mastering your emotions makes you more productive and more fulfilled too.  In this episode, I explain why traditional psychotherapy often doesn’t work for men, and I reveal four ways masculine men can start to accept their emotions, undo their conditioning, and use therapy to help them accomplish their goals.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why many men are on the path that only leads to emptiness, regret, and extreme loneliness (and how to jump off this path) (1:24)  The single biggest barrier to effective therapy for men (6:14)  The “color of life” mindset shift that instantly makes you feel more okay with your emotions (7:43)  How the feminine approach to therapy practiced by most therapists renders therapy useless (and how to experience a more masculine—and effective—approach) (8:09) All men who have resistance to their emotions needs to listen here: (13:39)  This one question will start to undo your conditioning that emotions are obstacles to be avoided or solved (15:16)  How a relentless drive to be productive and successful robs you of all the joys of life and turns you into an emotionless robot (19:25)  6 ways to get buy-in from your masculine protector parts that can make therapeutic effective (and an example of how one of my clients went through this process) (22:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

This week’s episode is a special episode, especially if you’re an achiever (like most of our listeners are). Leon, a long-time fan from South Africa, reached out for a one-time session that doubles as a podcast interview.  While your situation might not be exactly the same as Leon’s, if you’re an achiever or struggle with abandonment issues or neediness, there will likely be several themes that apply to both your life, as well.  I treated this interview like an initial consultation. Listening will give you insights into how you could accept your inner child parts that have been filling you with emotional turmoil (even if you don’t have the same exact problems as Leon does).  Best part? Well, about a week after we recorded this interview, Leon reached out to give me an update. It blew my mind—and his initial progress will blow your mind too.  If you feel stuck, abandoned, needy, or just can’t get over your desire to achieve (because you’re unconsciously looking for love), this episode will help you get on the right path.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How being a “Parentified Child” forces you to take on your parent’s emotional struggles and become a needy adult (and how to break free from this restraint after growing up) (0:29)  What to do when you feel lonely on your self-development journey and constantly ask yourself when your journey will actually end (8:52)  How to start opening up and being more vulnerable when you feel like you’ll be ridiculed and judged when you do (13:01)  Why resisting reality is the most painful thing you can do (and how your life starts to change subtly as soon as you accept reality) (23:04)  How living in a single closet in a big city as a single man can present you with more exciting opportunities than having a lavish house in a small town (26:53)  Do you constantly worry that you’re not meeting your potential? Here’s why it’s impossible to fulfill your potential (40:40)  Why meeting your therapist in person is actually the worst way to leverage the therapeutic process for your self-growth (48:17)  How to stop being ashamed by your neediness (and how to use it to find the relationship you want) (1:00:09)  Why learning how to embrace sadness, anger, and fear is one of the best ways to embrace love (1:07:18)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 17 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery