#27: Why Success Kills Connection (& What To Do About It)

Most people who struggle with connection chalk it up to a personality trait. They think their personality, which benefits them in other areas, just makes connection harder for them. 

But this is actually a defense mechanism in disguise, created by a protective part of you that was created by an old wound. This wounded part of you whispers into your ear that connection will come if you just hustle more, achieve more accolades, or have more material success. 

But this protective part of you is stuck in old beliefs that protected you in your formative years, but will sabotage you in adult life. 

That’s the bad news. 

The good news?

This doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally broken or flawed. It just means that your protective parts are still trying to protect you—they’re just doing it in a way that deprives you of the connection you need to feel fulfilled. 

In today’s show, I’ll explain four distinct ways this might be manifesting in your life, so you can build awareness and start to heal the protective parts who accidentally trick you into self-sabotage. 

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• Watch out for these sneaky defense mechanisms that will keep you unfulfilled and miserable (worst part? they seem like logic!) (0:16) 
• How old relationship wounds resurface in intimate adult relationships and prevent you from the connection your true self seeks (2:44) 
• 3 key childhood ingredients that create the “lone wolf” defense mechanism identity (3:44) 
• Why accumulating more status, value, or wealth won’t fix the empty hole in your relationship (and how to actually heal this void) (6:25) 
• Do you always hit a wall when it’s time to be vulnerable? Here’s how to help an exiled part of you heal so emotional walls stop suffocating intimacy (12:55) 
• How to leverage your fear to create the deep connections your subconscious craves (14:02) 
• The weird, but true way high achievers use productivity as a distraction (and how this crushes your self-worth the more successful you become) (15:47) 

For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ 

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Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery