Beyond Success

Perhaps the most important skill an intelligent person can learn is the Dao of Decision Making.  Making tough, high-stakes decisions doesn’t come naturally to high achievers because they’ve been fooled into valuing their intelligence more than their emotions. But every decision has its roots in emotions… and relying solely on logic and data for these decisions is a quick way to make a decision that wrecks your marriage, your internal harmony, and even your future fulfillment.  In other words, there is a better way to access the deep kind of wisdom that makes the answer to high-stake decisions obvious.  Problem is, high achievers, by their very nature, have learned to cut off this deep sense of emotional wisdom for their entire lives.  That’s why I recorded this episode. You’ll discover the “Dao of Decision Making" method, figure out how to achieve internal harmony before making any high-stakes decisions, and you’ll also learn techniques to give you clarity for every future decision you make.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to get better at making high-stake decisions (so you don’t accidentally wreck your marriage, your health, or your enjoyment of life) (0:30)  Why making decisions based on the best arguments and logic can subtly lead you to misery (1:51)  The deadly “Illusion of Rational Clarity” that pits your emotions against your logic and results in making decisions that sets your internal world ablaze, leaving you miserable and unfulfilled (3:10)  Here’s the brutal truth behind why smart people make dumb decisions (4:15)  The psychological reason behind why you get stuck making decisions (and the airy-fairy-sounding solution smart people rarely consider) (10:17)  Confucius’s secret for achieving “Inner Harmony” so making high-stakes decisions becomes as easy and naturally as walking (12:39)  Why any decision made from panic or pressure will never be the wisest decision you can make (and how to learn to be still and calm when faced with high-stakes decisions) (16:57)  Use this quick protocol whenever you feel yourself spinning from a weight and high-stakes decision - it recenters you so that the wise decision become obvious (18:27)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

High achievers are vulnerable to emotional avoidance. It’s subtle, sneaky, and seductive. It tricks you into thinking you’re making progress or crushing goals.  But when everything feels flat - no matter how big the accomplishment - it’s a sign that you’re under the spell of emotional avoidance. And emotional avoidance comes with a devastating cost: Losing the entire gamut of your emotions.  That might sound alluring at first, until you realize the full cost. It’s not just mental, but physical too. In fact, it could put you in the ground long before your time.  But here’s the good news: Emotional Strength is a skill that can be honed, just like any other skill. But it requires approaching your emotions in a new light.  In today’s show, you’ll discover the true cost of emotional avoidance, then learn what you can do to avoid paying it.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: What to do if you constantly wonder why nothing feels as fulfilling or satisfying as it should (1:04)  How to feel your emotions in a way that makes you stronger instead of weaker (1:48)  The scientific reason why suppressing your emotions actually increases your stress and your risk of disease  (2:53)  How emotional avoidance subtly spirals you into an empty void of despair and hopelessness (5:27)  The truth about why you’re on the verge of burnout, always tired and tense, and your relationships feel shallow (6:15)   Why unresolved emotional tension can manifest in the body as irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, and autoimmune flares (8:51) The downstream consequences of suppressing “bad” emotions like anger, sadness, and fear (11:51)   How to exercise your emotions like your biceps and build your emotional intelligence (19:47)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Most high achievers learned at a young age that emotions were distractions. This early lesson inspired much of their success… but it came at a terrible cost: It develops emotional blindspots that quietly, patiently, and relentlessly sabotage you.  Here’s the thing about emotional blindspots:  No matter how much you try to stuff them down and pretend they don’t exist, they don’t simply disappear. Instead, they move underground. They become sneakier. More insidious. And more sabotaging.  Worst part? There’s only one way to address your emotional blindspots in a way that builds emotional strength and mastery. And it’s not hustling harder, doing more mental gymnastics with your cognitive behavioral therapist, or becoming a master at stress management.  The real solution goes far deeper than these knee-jerk reactions most high achievers have.  That’s what I share in today’s episode. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why avoiding, distracting, and numbing out your emotions backfires and causes them to hijack your behaviors (even without you realizing it) (1:26)  The “emotions aren’t spreadsheets” secret for understanding why you spiral (and why it’s not a problem you can think yourself out of) (2:34)  Why “knowing” your emotions doesn’t make you a master at them - the same way “knowing” guitar doesn’t make you play as good as Jimi Hendrix (3:35)  3 exercises to try when intellectualizing your emotions doesn’t help you master them (5:32)  Why addressing your emotional blindspots improves your sleep, lessens your compulsive habits’ grip on you, deepens your relationships, and improves your material success (13:06)  The sneaky way anger, frustration, and anxiety hide your real emotional pain (15:44)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/    Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz   Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Most high achievers take pride in the fact that they’re not too emotional. They stay cool under pressure, act like nothing bothers them, wear their emotional armor like a badge.  But one day, they wake up and realize that they’re a mere observer of their life. They’re not actually living their own life. Instead, they feel empty, like something’s missing that they can’t quite put their finger on.  Worst part? They don’t realize that the emotional armor they wore so proudly is the exact thing preventing them from experiencing all the good life has to offer: Joy, love, connection, growth.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why emotional armor is not emotional strength (despite what you’ve been led to believe), how emotional armor prevents you from experiencing the full breadth of life, and how to start taking steps to remove your emotional armor, so you can show up fully even in the midst of an emotional storm.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Here’s why reaching your biggest, most ambitious goal feels empty (0:48)  How suppressed emotions fester under the surface and can actually cause physical pain  (2:23)  The dark side of making millions before turning 40 that nobody understands or even talks about (4:10)  How people with real emotional strength handle being triggered (and no, building emotional strength doesn’t mean you’re immune to being triggered) (8:53)  The “Emotional Strength Inoculation” secret for gradually building your emotional resilience without suppressing or repressing emotions that will come back to haunt you (10:32)  Why numbing your emotions turns you into a lifeless, soulless robot that never experiences the full breadth of life (16:19)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There are 3 distinct levels to personal development and self-improvement. And most high achievers get trapped forever in Level 2—never fully healing or integrating with their internal world because they’re stuck trying to conquer it.  While Level 2 is helpful up to a point, if you stay in Level 2 for too long, you’ll never experience true healing or integration.  Worst part? Most influencers and coaches intentionally keep you stuck at Level 2 because it’s easier to sell you “the one thing” you need than to fix yourself than sell the message that you don’t need fixed and you’re already worthy.  But there’s a way through Level 2 to reach Level 3 and experience how life fundamentally feels different when you’re healed and integrated.  In today’s show, I’ll walk you through the 3 stages of personal growth, explain why Level 2 is so intoxicating, but stagnate, and reveal the counterintuitive approach to get to Level 3.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why obsessing over self-development stunts your internal growth (0:18)  The 3 levels of personal development and how learning which level your stuck at explains almost everything about your current struggles (1:04)  3 telltale signs you’re stuck in the insidious “Level 2 Self Improvement” trap (and how to finally break through to the third level and experience true healing) (3:25)   The “stop fixing, start listening” secret that actually heals your inner world instead of trying to fix it (4:34)  How trying to conquer or change your parts means you’re still not integrating or healing (and one question to help you integrate and heal) (10:15)  Why most of the deep- or enlightened-sounding advice on the internet keeps you stuck at level 2 (15:20)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

There are certain emotional scripts you learned in your formative years that are running your life today. These emotional patterns aren’t the enemy. They don’t mean that you're broken as a person or flawed in an insidious way.  Instead, it simply means that you’re not aware of these emotional scripts.  But if you’re been stuck in the same loops for years, trying harder, doing the same thing over and over, something deeper is necessary. In fact, gritting your teeth and trying harder will only give these emotional scripts more power over you and your behavior.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how to start noticing these emotional scripts, you'll understand how they started, and more important, how they protected you, and you’ll learn the key that makes your emotional scripts stop running the show of your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Sneaky emotional patterns that control your life without you even realizing it (0:18)  A few examples of how you might’ve picked up some of the emotional scripts that still control your every action (2:32)  The one thing anxious people who feel broken never hear—but desperately need to hear (5:29)  How childhood parts that once protected you can sabotage your adult relationships (and how integrating these parts can stop their self-destruction) (8:37)   How to finally break free from being a slave to your emotional patterns (and why it won’t necessarily feel like a perfect sense of enlightenment) (17:14)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most people, and high achievers in particular, suffer from a paradoxical problem: Trying too hard backfires and causes your deepest, darkest fears to realize. When high achievers are confronted with a problem in their personal or professional life, their first instinct is to push harder, work longer, go on more dates.  They’re desperately searching for connection, peace, joy, and love. But they don’t realize that their need for control keeps these forever out of their reach.  But there’s an ancient solution to this problem: Wu Wei, acting without inner friction.  However, you can’t approach it like some business metric. In fact, you have to learn to stop trying so hard, to loosen your grip on control if you want to experience the effortless flow that’s the main ingredient in true mastery of life.  In today’s show, I breakdown what Wu Wei really is, why most high achievers totally miss it, and how you can become more fulfilled in life by trying less.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why trying too hard in life has devastating consequences that will deprive you of every joy (0:18)  How to incorporate “modern Wu Wei” into your life before you rip apart everything you want most—like connection, peace, joy, and love (2:05)  The paradoxical way you heal naturally by not trying as hard (6:44) The single most toxic mindset that has killed more potential than any other mindset in human history (9:04)  How you make your life into a hollow void when you fall into the insidious “Trap of the Shoulds” (11:18)  Why positive thinking and affirmations are actually a deadly suppression skill that take you further away from what you crave most in life (17:53)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most high achievers have been sold a lie: that Chaos is a threat that will take everything from you, and the only way to handle it is with more control.  But if you look into any high achiever’s life, relationships, or business, you’ll see a similar through line: They’re quietly miserable no matter how much material success they’ve accumulated.  Why does this same story play out across so many lives? Because when you try to control chaos, you cut yourself off from half of life. Peace doesn’t come from a lack of chaos, it comes in the midst of chaos. And chaos is the raw material of growth, creativity, love, and leadership.  The trick isn’t to compartmentalize your life so much that you don’t feel chaos. It’s to lean into the chaos, be curious with the chaos, and gain wisdom from it.  In today’s show, I’m going to dismantle the lie that chaos should be avoided by turning to ancient Chinese philosophy, Buddhist psychology, and even modern day leadership coaching. And I’ll show you how leaning into the chaos doesn’t just shift your mindset or cause a paradigm shift, it gives you an entirely new way of being.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why trying to control chaos is a failing strategy that will devour your fulfillment of life (0:28)  How to flow through your problems like water down a river (and why this framework leads to more success and happiness than trying to conquer a particular obstacle) (2:55)  The insidious way “white knuckling” your way through stress sabotages your sleep quality, your relationship, and your joy for life (3:25)  3 characteristics toddlers in the middle of a tantrum crave more than anything else (and no, none of the characteristics include lecturing) (6:01)  The counterintuitive formula for peace that applies to parenting, intimate relationships, your career, and your inner, emotional world (8:20)  How to get unstuck in your career, your relationship, and your life by leaning into chaos instead of shying away from it (11:04)  The single best lesson from Tony Robbins that can 10x your business if you take it seriously (12:32)  Feel stuck in a paralyzing trap of analyzing? Here’s why doing more when you feel uncomfortable emotions can only make you more lost (and what to do instead) (17:08)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

If you wanted to grow bigger muscles, you could read all the strength training books you wanted. But until you go to the gym and apply your knowledge to your body, your muscles will never grow.  That’s the same way the muscle of connection works. But for some reason, high achievers especially are prone to fall into the trap of thinking they can build connection by listening to podcasts, reading books, or even going into individual therapy.  This misses the mark that connection is a skill. And the only way to improve at a skill is to practice it with other people.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why connection is a skill that can be honed with practice, how to start practicing it (even if it feels uncomfortable), and what your life could be like with intentional practice.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to rewire your nervous system to be okay with vulnerability (and why you must do this if you want to experience true connection) (1:49)  5 ways to practice the skill of connection if you think you’re not wired for connection (3:44)  The weird way your habits, emotions, and health are influenced by a friend of a friend of a friend (6:58)  Why being able to figure things out on your own is actually a massive hindrance to connection (11:47)  The “immersion” secret that explains why reading more books, listening to more podcasts, and trying to logic your way to emotional depth can never work (14:30)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you:https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most people who struggle with connection chalk it up to a personality trait. They think their personality, which benefits them in other areas, just makes connection harder for them.  But this is actually a defense mechanism in disguise, created by a protective part of you that was created by an old wound. This wounded part of you whispers into your ear that connection will come if you just hustle more, achieve more accolades, or have more material success.  But this protective part of you is stuck in old beliefs that protected you in your formative years, but will sabotage you in adult life.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? This doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally broken or flawed. It just means that your protective parts are still trying to protect you—they’re just doing it in a way that deprives you of the connection you need to feel fulfilled.  In today’s show, I’ll explain four distinct ways this might be manifesting in your life, so you can build awareness and start to heal the protective parts who accidentally trick you into self-sabotage.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Watch out for these sneaky defense mechanisms that will keep you unfulfilled and miserable (worst part? they seem like logic!) (0:16)  How old relationship wounds resurface in intimate adult relationships and prevent you from the connection your true self seeks (2:44)  3 key childhood ingredients that create the “lone wolf” defense mechanism identity (3:44)  Why accumulating more status, value, or wealth won’t fix the empty hole in your relationship (and how to actually heal this void) (6:25)  Do you always hit a wall when it’s time to be vulnerable? Here’s how to help an exiled part of you heal so emotional walls stop suffocating intimacy (12:55)  How to leverage your fear to create the deep connections your subconscious craves (14:02)  The weird, but true way high achievers use productivity as a distraction (and how this crushes your self-worth the more successful you become) (15:47)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery