Most people chalk up their attraction problems to external sources: Maybe they think they need better strategies and skills. Or they believe that dating apps are against them. Or maybe it’s just that they’re unlucky. Here’s the bad news: If you've been struggling with attraction, confidence, or relationships, the problem isn't some external force working against you. The real issue is the unconscious patterns, your “Relationship Blueprint,” controlling your life.  Worst part? Since your mind creates your “Relationship Blueprint” early in your formative years, most people don’t even realize it’s pulling all the strings. And until you face these unconscious patterns, the same unconscious patterns will keep popping up and sabotaging your relationships.  But I also have good news: In today’s show, you’ll discover how your "Relationship Blueprint” unconsciously sabotages your relationships, how to rewire it, and why you’ll be a more calm, collected, and confident person after rewiring it.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The brutal truth about why you keep repeating the same patterns that only lead to frustration and heartbreak (0:34)  How your shadow twists your fears, insecurities, and anger into a toxic soup in your subconscious that sabotages relationships (and why you must retake control of your shadow for relationship success) (3:34)  The “Relationship Blueprint” that’s been wired into your mind since childhood that explains every adult relationship you’ve been in (and how to rewire it) (8:51)  Why outsourcing your confidence to external validation works as a mask, but cripples your true self-esteem (17:13)  The 4-step healing and transformation process that rewires your “Relationship Blueprint” (23:52)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

As a former player myself, I know first-hand how crushing the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” is. Almost all players fall into this psychological trap that only leads to rage, doubt, depression, and despair.  But you know what?  It’s not just players who are at risk of falling into this sabotaging cycle. Any one who builds his or her identity around external validation is at risk of falling into this deep emotional hole, where compulsive self-destruction and total emptiness become your new normal.  To drive home just how devastating the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, today’s episode looks at a real life example of how this cycle plays out. In today’s show, we’re analyzing the tragic rise and fall of one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, Erik von Markovik, better known as Mystery.  Mystery’s story shows you just how dangerous the “Grandiosty-Shame Cycle” is, why seeking external validation always results in misery, and how to pull yourself out of this toxic cycle if you show any of the telltale signs.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: A real life example of how being trapped in the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” can throw you into a suicidal episode (3:04)  The weird reason successful players become obsessive, jealous, and insecure when facing real intimacy (6:54)  2 things every man must do to break out of the “Grandiosity-Shame Cycle” (or it will forever sabotage your relationships) (8:37)  How relying on external validation is a fast track to being consumed by rage, doubt, depression, and despair (10:39)  Why you’re drawn to romantic partners who reflect your deepest childhood wounds (and how to avoid heartbreak in these relationships) (15:12)  The counterintuitive reason narcissistic defenses actually come from deep, unresolved traumas, not arrogance like most people believe (24:22)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Men who have a desire to improve at dating often fall into the trap of tactics. And they fundamentally believe that their lack of success is not because of them, but because of the modern dating world.  So they seek to “optimize” individual tactics involved in modern dating—fixing their profile on dating apps, becoming more successful in their career, hitting the gym and getting a six-pack—without ever confronting the real root cause of their dating failures: Themselves! Of course, this route is far easier than confronting your deep-rooted emotional issues. You may even experience short-term successes too: More dates, getting laid more often, and being surrounded by beautiful women more often.  But this short-term success comes with a cost… It deprives you of the very thing you actually want: A real, authentic connection with someone you love.  Why? Because obsessing over dating tactics is a way to blame the world for your failures instead of looking in the mirror. But only by looking in the mirror and doing the work can you actually create an authentic and fulfilling relationship.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why men externalize their dating struggles instead of owning them, how unresolved attachment wounds keep you in the same toxic dating patterns, how chasing external validation leads to loneliness, and most importantly, how to actually address these issues so they stop showing up in your dating life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The weird way getting more matches on dating apps can erode your confidence (1:09)  Do you think that women only care about status and wealth? Here’s why this is an example of classic projection of your insecurities (3:12) How taking the easy route in dating helps you overcome heartache faster—at the expense of a successful lasting relationship (5:14)  3 questions that break through your unconscious projections sabotaging your dating life (6:52)  Why do people end up in the same, frustrating dating patterns no matter how much they've learned from previous relationships? They fall into one of these three categories… (8:31)  How obsessing over your profile on dating apps prevents you from experiencing true love and connection. Here’s why: (18:25)  The insidious “Grandiosity-Shame Dynamic” that explains why men struggle in their relationships with women (and how to conquer this shortcoming) (21:45)  How you’re setting yourself up for loneliness, resentment, and self-destruction in your dating life without even realizing it (24:50)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Does your relationship feel like it's dying a slow death? The passion is gone. The original spark has been extinguished. And resentment for your partner may even be surfacing.  Here’s the truth: This is a “stress test” almost all relationships go through. But if you’re a people pleaser, then, well, this is usually where your relationship goes to die.  Why? Because people pleasers see the signs of a relationship dying and unknowingly double down on the exact things that drove the relationship to the graveyard in the first place. This only suffocates it faster.  So, how do you handle this relationship problem in a way that fosters attraction, commitment, and enjoyment in your relationship instead of smothering it?  In today’s show, I reveal three key steps to reignite the spark in your relationship, share the missing ingredient that creates lasting attraction, and show you how to rebuild a more fulfilling relationship.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The truth behind why your relationship feels hollow (hint: the missing piece isn’t love) (0:35)  How ignoring this fact of human nature sets you up for mediocrity in your relationships, career, and personal life (1:04)  Why the "Effort Justification Theory” can reveal why a relationship feels empty—and give you a roadmap for reigniting the spark (2:27)   Here’s the real reason why attraction fades in a relationship (and why it has nothing to do with how attractive you are) (5:33)  The secret emotional ingredient for creating authentic, passionate feelings in any relationship (8:10)  Ever wonder why so many marriages end in divorce? These are the 2 major causes (8:37) Why people pleasers tend to resent their partners when they neglect this (12:21)  How willpower suffocates emotional ties and cripples relationships (14:44)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

When you want to become more successful in business, relationships, or life, most people focus on tactics, strategies, and skills. But there’s a bigger obstacle to your success than your lack of tactics, strategies, and skills… In fact, without first addressing this obstacle, success will never come easy, no matter how hard you keep pushing.  Why? Because the obstacle you have to overcome is yourself. And no amount of pushing, prodding, or plotting can help you outrun yourself.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  You don’t have to outrun yourself to succeed. Instead, you have to master your “Inner Game,” or the internal thoughts and feelings that run in the background of your subconscious. When you master your “Inner Game,” your inner critic becomes your most ardent and loyal supporter.  In today’s show, you’ll discover how to take the first step towards mastering your internal world, so success in business, relationships, and life naturally follows.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The #1 biggest obstacle most achievers overlook and ignore—and how it costs them (0:32)  The “Inner Game” secret that only the world’s most successful and fulfilled people understand (1:39)  How a tennis coach can show you how to be a better leader, a better husband, and a better father (even if you’ve never swung a tennis racket in your life) (1:48)  Why pushing harder for success leaves you more vulnerable to gut-wrenching failures (and what to do instead when success plateaus) (2:24)  2 simple steps to transform your inner critic from your archrival to your most loyal ally (5:29)  The bizarre way achievers fear success more than failure (and how to figure out if you do this too) (6:13) How worrying about the sending the perfect text to a new romantic interest or hiring the perfect candidate for your business makes it impossible to do either (9:12)  Why preparing too much can sink a business deal, sabotage a romantic relationship, and fill you with endless dread (11:22)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Question:  Have you ever reached a high point in life (a major win, a big breakthrough, or a massive milestone)... only to feel like the rug’s been pulled from underneath you?  Well, I have good news and bad news: If you find yourself second guessing yourself, procrastinating, picking fights with loved ones, or just a sinking, uneasy feeling that shows up whenever an opportunity knocks on your door, you might be going through the “Upper Limit Problem.”  The “Upper Limit Problem” happens when emotional energies from your childhood (and sometimes, from your parents’, grandparents’, and even ancestors’ childhoods) creates a heavy cloud over your emotional mind. It's vague, yet oppressive. And it can sabotage relationships, suffocate success, and stifle fulfillment and freedom.  But here’s the good news:  You don’t have to carry these burdens—whether they stem from your own experience or from generational fear and beliefs. And I show you exactly how to start this process of unburdening yourself in this episode.  Ready to remove these invisible limits, open up more opportunities, and unlock a deeper, more lasting sense of joy, love and fulfillment? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The insidious, invisible force that pulls the rug from under you every time you achieve a new milestone (and how to break free from its wrath) (0:44)  How "unattached burdens” from your parents’ childhoods can sabotage your relationships, limit your career opportunities, and keep you stuck in a loop of frustration (3:03)  The historical reason behind why Asian parents have a tendency to downplay their children’s success (4:31)  Do you ever feel a weird heaviness overtake you whenever you get close to a big opportunity? Here’s why this happens and how to prevent it (5:35)  5 examples of how the “Upper Limit Problem” manifests in your adult life (if you notice yourself doing any of these, here’s what to do…) (7:53)  How to release the unattached burdens your subconscious picked up from generational fears or beliefs that prevent you from living a truly fulfilling life (16:32)  Why well-meaning, but misguided messages from childhood can cripple and hinder your success today (20:51)  Is your business stuck in a cycle of withering instead of growing? Here’s one unusual way to grow your business by 50% (24:09)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

When your team, family, and friends rely on you for everything, and you don’t know how to say no, then you’re on a path of self-destruction.  Why? Because an inability to set boundaries and assert yourself stems from toxic shame you picked up at some point in your life. If you don’t address this toxic shame, burn out, resentment, and self-loathing follow.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? While learning how to assert yourself might not be the easiest thing you do, it’s possible. And today’s episode is your first step towards reversing your toxic shame, figuring out how to set boundaries without feeling guilty, and creating space for tremendous growth.  Tired of feeling exhausted because you’re saying yes to everything? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The most single most insidious word that causes good husbands and leaders to snap, burn out, and spiral into resentment and self-loathing (0:55)  How to tell if you have a healthy or toxic form of shame (2:51)  The sneaky way toxic shame sabotages your confidence, assertiveness, and self-respect (5:03)  Try this simple exercise the next time you feel guilty about setting a boundary (6:37)  Why avoiding asserting yourself sends you down a wicked toxic loop of resentment and burn out (and practical ways to better assert yourself) (14:13)  The “broken record” technique for setting boundaries if it usually makes you uncomfortable (16:14)  Ask your inner critic these questions next time you hear it to siphon away its power (19:29)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Most people never stop to question today’s topic. But it silently poisons relationships, teams, and even your own peace of mind.  Worst part? It masquerades as an innocent and harmless way to blow off steam. But it actually erodes trust, creates drama, and keeps pressing problems unresolved.  Of course, we’re talking about gossip today. Not only is it harmful to anyone you gossip to and about, but it’s insidious to you too.  In today’s show, you’ll discover the real cost of gossip, the truth behind why we gossip (and how to fix it), and most importantly, how to break the vicious cycle of gossip and stop it from undermining your relationships, your career, and your life.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: This seemingly harmless habit chips away at your integrity, trust, and conscience (0:50)  Why gossipping is one of the biggest red flags you or a potential partner could have (2:37)  3 hidden reasons for why you gossip—and how to stop before it sabotages your trust and integrity (4:31)  The weird short-term benefits of gossiping and how it causes irreversible long-term damage (6:20)  How gossip dupes you into believing you’re resolving conflict when you’re actually just fanning the flames (9:41)  The obvious, yet difficult alternative to gossip that strengthens relationships instead of tears them apart (12:35)  The “Strike When The Iron’s Cold” secret to making tough conversations easier than gossiping (13:25)  How to cultivate a gossip-free zone in your personal and professional life (17:56)  One question that almost instantly turns complaining into problem-solving and stops you (and others) from gossiping (18:46)   For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

A messy breakup or divorce can cause devastating trickle down consequences when you don’t learn how to rebuild your trust.  But many people wrongly believe that time can heal all wounds. But this passive approach leads you down a road of fear, resentment, and isolation.  Why?  The truth is that time does not heal emotional wounds. And expecting it to will only trick you into repeating the same patterns that resulted in a messy breakup in the first place.  While this process won’t be easy, it’s possible. And when you follow the 5 steps I lay out in today’s show, then not only create a foundation for a fulfilling relationship, but this growth will ripple into every area of your life.  Ready for the next chapter of your life to be one of purpose, connection and joy?  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: 3 devastating consequences that happen when you fail to rebuild trust after suffering a deep, emotional wound (0:48)  Why relying on time alone to heal yourself is a failed strategy that fills you with misery (and how to actually heal yourself) (1:25)  The “Post-Relationship Analysis” secret for using a breakup to make your next relationship more fulfilling, lasting, and healthier (3:23) Why your intuition crumbles after a difficult breakup—and one simple technique to strengthen your intuitions (6:31)    How holding onto negative emotions like betrayal, humiliation, and bitterness after a breakup silently sabotages your next relationship (13:34)  Why you must forgive people who wronged you if you want to lead a healthy and fulfilling life (15:34)  The counterintuitive reason fully feeling your worst emotions makes them evaporate instead of controlling you (17:43)  How to avoid falling into old patterns that undermined your past relationships (23:08)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Do you struggle making tough decisions because indecision is easier? While this is something everyone confronts at one point or another, it comes with a steep cost:  While indecision might feel like it provides relief in the short term, it eventually erodes your confidence, your relationships, and your ability to lead. It also creates a ripple effect that extends to every other aspect of your life.  Worst part? Indecision is a slow poison and you might not realize the sabotaging effects it has immediately. In fact, it’s common to only realize its effects until it’s too late: After you’re served divorce papers, get laid off from your job, or realize you hate the life you’ve created for yourself.  But it doesn't have to be this way. There are three key steps to becoming more decisive, so you can avoid the gut-wrenching pain that always comes with indecision.  And by the end of this episode, you’ll know exactly how to do this.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: This “invisible power” is your most valuable tool for creating the life you want (2:18)  The single biggest mistake you’re making in your relationship that leads to regret, resentment, stagnation, and breaking up (3:13) How imperfect and even downright incorrect decisions are better for your mental health, career, and marriage than avoiding decisions (4:52)   Why “keeping the peace” in your relationship is a surefire way to get handed divorce papers (8:10)  3 ways to hone “Radical Responsibility” that allow you to take full control over your relationships, career, and life (10:31) The insidious "Death Anxiety” trap many people fall into that slowly poisons their fulfillment of life (and how to overcome this psychological fear) (14:15)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery