Beyond Success

The trickiest part about healing your inner world is learning to figure out the difference between self-help schticks and true healing. They are often confused with each other - especially by high achievers.  And the cost you pay for mixing them up is hefty.  Like, for example:  * Striving for more and more success even when it feels empty  * Sabotaging your relationships at home and at work  * Developing a severe case of burnout, numbness, and depression  And worst of all:  * Tricking yourself into thinking you’re growing when you’re really building more emotional armor that will forever keep deep fulfillment from your grasp.  Here’s the truth: More productivity hacks, more pressure, and more control won’t help you integrate. It’s a form of suffocation for parts you label as bad or weak or needy. But they don’t disappear, they wait until you're at your most vulnerable, then they attack.  The solution isn’t to try harder or to fix yourself. It’s to recognize the positive intentions of even your “worst” parts, integrate them, and lead them. It’s easier said than done, but nothing gives you a deeper sense of fulfillment in every aspect of your life.  If you feel like you’re broken or something’s missing, listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why most high achievers develop a split personality that quietly leads to burnout, angst, and depression (2:10)  How to interpret the positive intentions of your “problematic” parts like the people pleaser, the critic, and the procrastinator (4:12)  How to make your relationships feel safer, your work feel more meaningful, and to better handle stress when it attacks by refusing to war against yourself (4:50)  The “GROW” secret for becoming the most clear, calm, and confident version of yourself possible (5:53)  The insidious “P-word” that slowly creeps into your emotional world, filling you with an overwhelming sense of numbness and disconnection (8:52)  Why your ability to solve problems leaves you emotionally bankrupt (and how to become comfortable “sitting” with problems instead of rushing to solve them) (11:17)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Many high achievers treat vulnerability as if it’s a four-letter word. And it’s easy to understand why: they’ve been told leaders must keep their emotions in check, and be level-headed and strong in the face of challenges. But the misunderstandings about vulnerability aren’t just unfortunate, they’re devastating. Because they lead to people going numb to their feelings and relationships, all while convincing themselves they’re doing the right thing. In this episode I’m going to cut through the fog and show you what vulnerability really looks like. I’ll explain how vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s the missing piece that can restore your ability to lead at work, love at home, and actually live your life instead of watching it go by. Listen now.   Show Highlights Include: “Silent killer” mindset that destroys relationships without a single argument. (2:25) The hard truth about intimacy that social media doesn’t want you to know. (4:25) How emotional armor traps you in a losing battle and sends your loved ones into retreat. (5:38) What the last set of your gym workout can teach you about vulnerability. (10:20) Surprising reason men shy away from arguments with loved ones. (12:08) Why blame and vulnerability don’t mix. (13:48) How to build genuine emotional strength. (15:00) Why suppressed emotions become a shadow dictator, and how to liberate yourself from their tyranny. (15:27) The “loving parent” secret to weather emotional surges. (16:00) How to override your emotional autopilot and reclaim the driver’s seat of your own life. (18:53) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

Almost everything you’ve learned about emotional “strength” is not only a flat-out lie, but completely backwards. Toughing it out, staying in control, never letting others see you sweat - these aren’t signs of emotional strength, but emotional blindness.  And emotional blindness comes with a steep cost that nobody deserves to pay: It leaves you empty, unfulfilled (even after milestone achievements), and depressed.  Why?  Because the old way of being emotionally strong is really fear in disguise. And fear is the ultimate mind-killer.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? Once you realize that emotions are not distractions and are, in fact, the very point of life itself, then you can approach emotional regulation like the skill it is. And skills can be mastered - as long as you’re open to the idea.  In today’s show, besides debunking the outdated emotional strength myth, you’ll also discover the true cost of emotional blindness and how to reconnect with your emotional world before it’s too late.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: A brutal, real-life story that shows you the devastating cost of emotional blindness (and how it almost cost me my life) (1:37)  How “toughing out” your negative emotions eviscerates your joy, your relationships, and even your ability to love and be loved (6:52)  3 telltale nervous system signs that happen when you receive a snarky text that will tell you whether you’re actually emotionally strong… or just emotionally blind (9:21)  The “Emotional Regulation” technique used by the world’s most elite athletes that regulates your emotional system instead of being hijacked by it (11:19)  Why thinking of your emotions as distractions is the quickest way to feel so hollow that nothing can fill the void (not even career success, marriage, or becoming a millionaire) (17:27)  The underlying emotional reason behind why you micromanage your team (and how to address your emotions before your entire team quits) (23:27)  The simple, yet difficult 3-step process to finally stop reacting to and running away from your emotions (it will take time and patience, but nothing you achieve in life will be as meaningful as mastering this) (24:40)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/    Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Let’s stop pretending this is just a problem for soldiers and politicians. The “human shields excuse” isn’t just some abstract wartime tactic—it’s the same twisted reasoning people use every day to justify hurting others, dodging accountability, or compromising their integrity.  It’s what lets you blow up a relationship and blame the other person for making you do it. It’s how you rationalize crossing a line—then sleep at night because technically, it wasn’t your fault. In war, this excuse gets innocent people killed. In your life, it’s killing your peace of mind, your self-respect, your trust in yourself. This might sound extreme. But if your success feels empty, if your relationships keep breaking down, if you’re stuck in burnout with no idea why—you’re probably making this excuse. Quietly. Repeatedly. And convincing yourself it’s justified. This episode exposes this lie for what it is, and more importantly—how to stop living it. You’ll discover the true cost of the “human shields excuse,” the subtle ways this shows up in your relationships and personal lives, and how to stop committing this fatal error, so you don’t live the rest of your life wondering why your success feels so hollow.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why having a logical justification for blaming another person is a subtle trap that increases your suffering (and how to eliminate mental anguish without blaming others) (3:17)  How offloading responsibility from your shoulders is the same excuse war criminals use to justify killing women and kids (15:31)  The tragic result of spinning “good guy” stories in your head until you erode your self-trust and confidence completely (16:20)  Why short-term wins that hijack your moral compass cost you far more in the long-term - financially and emotionally (19:53)  A simple mindset shift that makes you look forward to taking responsibility (especially when it’s hard) (23:32)  David Tian’s list of recommended readings can be found here: https://davidtianphd.com/recommended-readings/ For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Too many people are numb to life, unable to enjoy themselves and their relationships even if they’ve achieved great things. The real problem isn’t intelligence, skill, or drive. It’s a failure to process emotions properly because they’ve lost the ability to use their “heart-mind.” Sadly, most of us have been subtly conditioned to not even know we’re approaching this all wrong. Thankfully, you can learn how to regain clarity of your heart-mind. And once you do, and stick with it, the results are astounding.   In today’s episode, I’ll share three key ideas about your heart-mind–your mental and emotional center–so you can stop feeling frustrated, and start feeling fulfilled. Listen now! Show highlights include: What emotional maturity really is, and why most people are left in the dark about it. (1:38) Emotional intelligence “playbook” so you can know exactly how to plan your mental training. (9:32) What “shutdown theory” gets wrong and how it sabotages your joy and vitality. (11:05) Eye-opening reasons you pick silly fights with your loved ones. (14:38) The “Bad Stoicism” that keeps high-performing leaders from actually enjoying their accomplishments. (16:11) Scientific reasons why people who meditate make better decisions. (23:00) How to “rewire” your emotional circuits so you can stay calm and stop getting triggered. (23:16) Hidden message your heart rate is trying to tell you. How to make sure you get the message most people miss. (24:08) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

The Achiever’s Curse is a deadly one. It starts subtle at first. But left unchecked long enough, it seeps into every aspect of your life, stealing joy and fulfillment every step of the way. Too many achievers don’t realize this insidious curse until they feel the intense pangs of regret on their deathbed.  Far too late, in other words.  I want to help you avoid this terrible fate…  I have read well over 1,000 books in my life - spanning across psychology, philosophy, leadership, business, religion, spirituality, personal growth, and more. Most of them were interesting. A few of them were inspiring. But only a handful got me to think so deeply that they didn’t just change my thinking, but changed how I live in the world.  In this episode, I share this odd collection of 12 life-altering books, to help you answer life’s most difficult questions before it’s too late to live your life in a completely different way.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How the ambitious goals that require intense work ethic, study habits, and dedication also lead to misery and depression and even suicidal thoughts when they’re unconsciously driven by this (1:43)  3 tough questions most people never ask themselves (and 12 recommended books that act like your map to answering these existential questions in a way that fulfills your soul) (2:52)  The insidious way avoiding death also means you avoid life (and one book that allows you to confront death, and thus, life) (4:40)  The “Anti-Permanent” plan for living life fully immersed in the moment instead of silently being controlled by fear, anxiety, and shame (9:55)  Why an obsession with productivity is a defense mechanism in disguise (most people realize this far too late when the pangs of regret are unbearable) (11:31)  The terrible trap of saving most people fall into that steals fulfillment from your life even when it’s right in your hands (12:58)  A weird way to build quiet, immovable confidence by defining morality (14:46)  How the realization that meritocracy is a myth actually sets you up to finally quiet your subtle, but brutal toxic shame (29:22)  Why play can save a dying marriage from divorce, a business on the verge of bankruptcy, and a cloud of depression from following you for life (33:17)  David Tian’s list of recommended readings can be found here: https://davidtianphd.com/recommended-readings/ For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more he

Perhaps the most important skill an intelligent person can learn is the Dao of Decision Making.  Making tough, high-stakes decisions doesn’t come naturally to high achievers because they’ve been fooled into valuing their intelligence more than their emotions. But every decision has its roots in emotions… and relying solely on logic and data for these decisions is a quick way to make a decision that wrecks your marriage, your internal harmony, and even your future fulfillment.  In other words, there is a better way to access the deep kind of wisdom that makes the answer to high-stake decisions obvious.  Problem is, high achievers, by their very nature, have learned to cut off this deep sense of emotional wisdom for their entire lives.  That’s why I recorded this episode. You’ll discover the “Dao of Decision Making" method, figure out how to achieve internal harmony before making any high-stakes decisions, and you’ll also learn techniques to give you clarity for every future decision you make.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How to get better at making high-stake decisions (so you don’t accidentally wreck your marriage, your health, or your enjoyment of life) (0:30)  Why making decisions based on the best arguments and logic can subtly lead you to misery (1:51)  The deadly “Illusion of Rational Clarity” that pits your emotions against your logic and results in making decisions that sets your internal world ablaze, leaving you miserable and unfulfilled (3:10)  Here’s the brutal truth behind why smart people make dumb decisions (4:15)  The psychological reason behind why you get stuck making decisions (and the airy-fairy-sounding solution smart people rarely consider) (10:17)  Confucius’s secret for achieving “Inner Harmony” so making high-stakes decisions becomes as easy and naturally as walking (12:39)  Why any decision made from panic or pressure will never be the wisest decision you can make (and how to learn to be still and calm when faced with high-stakes decisions) (16:57)  Use this quick protocol whenever you feel yourself spinning from a weight and high-stakes decision - it recenters you so that the wise decision become obvious (18:27)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery 

High achievers are vulnerable to emotional avoidance. It’s subtle, sneaky, and seductive. It tricks you into thinking you’re making progress or crushing goals.  But when everything feels flat - no matter how big the accomplishment - it’s a sign that you’re under the spell of emotional avoidance. And emotional avoidance comes with a devastating cost: Losing the entire gamut of your emotions.  That might sound alluring at first, until you realize the full cost. It’s not just mental, but physical too. In fact, it could put you in the ground long before your time.  But here’s the good news: Emotional Strength is a skill that can be honed, just like any other skill. But it requires approaching your emotions in a new light.  In today’s show, you’ll discover the true cost of emotional avoidance, then learn what you can do to avoid paying it.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: What to do if you constantly wonder why nothing feels as fulfilling or satisfying as it should (1:04)  How to feel your emotions in a way that makes you stronger instead of weaker (1:48)  The scientific reason why suppressing your emotions actually increases your stress and your risk of disease  (2:53)  How emotional avoidance subtly spirals you into an empty void of despair and hopelessness (5:27)  The truth about why you’re on the verge of burnout, always tired and tense, and your relationships feel shallow (6:15)   Why unresolved emotional tension can manifest in the body as irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, and autoimmune flares (8:51) The downstream consequences of suppressing “bad” emotions like anger, sadness, and fear (11:51)   How to exercise your emotions like your biceps and build your emotional intelligence (19:47)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Most high achievers learned at a young age that emotions were distractions. This early lesson inspired much of their success… but it came at a terrible cost: It develops emotional blindspots that quietly, patiently, and relentlessly sabotage you.  Here’s the thing about emotional blindspots:  No matter how much you try to stuff them down and pretend they don’t exist, they don’t simply disappear. Instead, they move underground. They become sneakier. More insidious. And more sabotaging.  Worst part? There’s only one way to address your emotional blindspots in a way that builds emotional strength and mastery. And it’s not hustling harder, doing more mental gymnastics with your cognitive behavioral therapist, or becoming a master at stress management.  The real solution goes far deeper than these knee-jerk reactions most high achievers have.  That’s what I share in today’s episode. Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why avoiding, distracting, and numbing out your emotions backfires and causes them to hijack your behaviors (even without you realizing it) (1:26)  The “emotions aren’t spreadsheets” secret for understanding why you spiral (and why it’s not a problem you can think yourself out of) (2:34)  Why “knowing” your emotions doesn’t make you a master at them - the same way “knowing” guitar doesn’t make you play as good as Jimi Hendrix (3:35)  3 exercises to try when intellectualizing your emotions doesn’t help you master them (5:32)  Why addressing your emotional blindspots improves your sleep, lessens your compulsive habits’ grip on you, deepens your relationships, and improves your material success (13:06)  The sneaky way anger, frustration, and anxiety hide your real emotional pain (15:44)    For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/    Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz   Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery   

Most high achievers take pride in the fact that they’re not too emotional. They stay cool under pressure, act like nothing bothers them, wear their emotional armor like a badge.  But one day, they wake up and realize that they’re a mere observer of their life. They’re not actually living their own life. Instead, they feel empty, like something’s missing that they can’t quite put their finger on.  Worst part? They don’t realize that the emotional armor they wore so proudly is the exact thing preventing them from experiencing all the good life has to offer: Joy, love, connection, growth.  In today’s show, you’ll discover why emotional armor is not emotional strength (despite what you’ve been led to believe), how emotional armor prevents you from experiencing the full breadth of life, and how to start taking steps to remove your emotional armor, so you can show up fully even in the midst of an emotional storm.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Here’s why reaching your biggest, most ambitious goal feels empty (0:48)  How suppressed emotions fester under the surface and can actually cause physical pain  (2:23)  The dark side of making millions before turning 40 that nobody understands or even talks about (4:10)  How people with real emotional strength handle being triggered (and no, building emotional strength doesn’t mean you’re immune to being triggered) (8:53)  The “Emotional Strength Inoculation” secret for gradually building your emotional resilience without suppressing or repressing emotions that will come back to haunt you (10:32)  Why numbing your emotions turns you into a lifeless, soulless robot that never experiences the full breadth of life (16:19)  For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/  Want more success in leadership, deeper connections, or a greater sense of fulfillment? Take this free assessment—it’s fast, easy, and tailored to your unique situation. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a suite of masterclasses designed specifically for where you are right now. Whether you’re struggling or simply want more out of life, this is your next step. No guesswork. Just clarity. Click here and see what’s waiting for you: https://dtphd.com/quiz Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery