Beyond Success

Most people say they support sexual freedom. But when a woman—or man—actually lives it… they turn on them. Judgment. Outrage. Moral panic. So here's the real question: "Can you be sexually free and morally good?" And if you can, why does it trigger so much shame in others? In this episode, I trace the ancient roots of sexual repression—from the kings and empires that hoarded mating opportunities, to the purity codes that disguised control as virtue. We'll explore how sexual shame became moralized, why it still lingers even in our "modern" world, and what it means to live with integrity instead of fear. You'll also learn how honesty, consent, and autonomy aren't loopholes in morality—they're the very definition of it. And how the outrage against sexual freedom says more about the critic's inner shame than about virtue itself. This isn't a defense of indulgence. It's a call to moral clarity. Because true integrity isn't restraint for its own sake—it's honesty, compassion, and respect for freedom. Listen now! Show highlights include: What traditional moral frameworks get wrong about restraint and self denial. (1:35) Deep-seated reason most people still consider sex a "taboo" topic. (2:43) What actually happens when you repress your sexual desire. (6:12) "Moral residue" that clings to even the most progressive minds, and how to rinse it away. (6:31) Surprising way "food porn" debunks the classic argument for sexual morality. (9:47) The tenacity of sexual shame: Why it persists in society generation after generation. (15:10) "Impulse prison" and how to set yourself free from the urges that would keep you handcuffed. (16:32) How moral clarity affects sexual freedom. (18:03) Surprising way some female empowerment advocates become profoundly sexist. (19:52) Moral argument for authenticity in sex. And how it applies to all your important relationships. (22:46) Sneaky way pride fuels moral outrage. (29:58) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

Ambitious people fall into a trap: You've learned from a young age that achievement means love, and so, you chase achievement and other external markers of success only to realize the gnawing void is still there. Most think their childhood patterns will get dissolved by father time. But the truth is, these patterns adapt to your knowledge, and become masters of disguising themselves.Take, for example, the seductive idea of independence. For ambitious men, independence is really isolation in disguise, which leads to deep loneliness (even if you have an attractive wife, thousands of followers, or are the most popular person in any room). And no amount of external success can save you from this trap. But connection can. Connection isn't natural when you've spent your entire life building armor around you. But it is learnable. It is the antidote to loneliness. And it is something that can save a broken marriage. But first, you have to ask yourself (and be honest): Who knows the real you? The you behind all of your masks? In today's show, you'll discover why connection is the only solution to isolation and loneliness. And how to reconnect with yourself and others. Listen now. Show Highlights Include: Why ambitious people confuse isolation for independence and slowly fall into the abyss of loneliness (0:38) How building a company, buying a mansion, and dating beautiful women can make you hide from others and even yourself (4:19) 3 things all human secretly crave for and why success, status, and wealth alone can't fill this void (6:18) Why childhood patterns don't disappear as you grow up (and how understanding this can save a marriage) (8:06) How shutting down negative emotions like shame and sadness also prevent you from feeling excitement and joy (11:08) The "Emotional Suppression to Addiction" pipeline that's one of the most common patterns I see in my office (12:48) How married men who do "everything right" (but don't actually connect) drive their wife into someone else's arms (13:35) The "SOAR Pillars" secret for tearing down your emotional walls and feeling genuine connection for the first time in your life (15:38) 4 steps to reestablish your self-connection (18:43) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

Discover why being your true self feels so risky and the ways we hide behind masks in relationships. Uncover the truth about the Authenticity Paradox and how suppression affects mental and physical health. Learn the importance of facing your inner shadows and the benefits of vulnerability in building trust. Explore how authentic rejection can bring clarity to your relationships and why practicing authenticity is essential for lasting connection. Embrace the journey of revealing your genuine self, even when it feels scary!

There is a seductive and destructive lie many people fall into: Learn the best tricks and gimmicks and you can have complete control over your relationships - romantic and business. It's so seductive because it promises control and success, but it's even more destructive because it delivers fear instead of control and breeds insecurity instead of success. Worst part? These tricks and tactics work in the short-term, but they come with a mighty hidden cost: You slowly erode your self-confidence and self-respect - two necessary ingredients for happiness and fulfillment. But there's a better way, and that's what I share with you in today's show. The solution is simple, but not easy. If you're tired of living with a gnawing sense of anxiety, you're tired of wearing masks because you feel like you're not good enough on your own, and if you're tired of hollow successes and relationships, listen now. Show Highlights Include: The weird way relying on game and gimmicks erodes your confidence (even if they help you land dates) (1:08) How taking shortcuts in dating and leadership quickly becomes a self-imposed prison (2:47) The counterintuitive way that your success plants the seeds of your future destruction if you make this simple and seductive mistake (5:15) How to get rid of the deep, gnawing anxiety that's causing a war inside you (11:55) Why honesty, especially when it's hard, cuts through your mask and gives you a chance for authentic connection (18:00) How manipulation makes you lose respect "both ways" (22:39) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

In pickup artist culture, men see women's natural defenses as tests and shields. Pass these "shit tests" and break through her "bitch shields," and you win her love and affection. But women aren't sitting around scheming elaborate tests or plotting shields. They're responding to lived experiences, not imagined battle plans. That's why these pickup artist tricks, while they can work in the short-term, never result in lasting love and connection. They're based on lies, drenched in sexual shame, and actively work against your goals of lasting connection. The solution is much harder - it means reframing her defenses as your projections. It means taking ownership of how shame makes you react. And it's about seeing her defenses as invitations for patience, curiosity, and compassion. This path is much harder. But it's the only path towards real connection. In today's show, you'll discover why pickup artist culture is consumed with shame, how to reframe her defenses as invitations, and how to choose a different, more effective response that's not based in your neediness. Listen now. Show Highlights Include: How labeling a woman's action as "tests" or "shields" exposes your insecurity and fear (and how to conquer these feelings that deprive you of connection) (3:50) Why following pickup artist advice, while it might get you dates, will never forge a strong and healthy long-term relationship (5:31) The "Psychoanalytic Lens" secret that allows you to strip away your neediness when she pulls back or acts distant (12:42) How to build your emotional muscles and prevent her defensive parts from triggering you (13:15) Why "seeing the shame on both sides" allows men and women to connect with and understand each other on a deeper level (19:14) The "Battle Within" mindset shift you must make if you want a long and fulfilling relationship (20:33) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

There are two strategies men deploy when they're dating, but insecure. Either they try the "Nice Guy" approach or its opposite, the pickup artist approach. But even though these strategies are polar opposites, they suffer the same moral flaw of concealment. Whenever you put on a mask over yourself, you sever the possibility of authentic connection. The solution? Ethical seduction based on radical transparency. This way sounds harder because it is: It requires you to be honest with yourself and the person you're attracting. It's also scarier because you face the real risk of rejection. But you know what? It's the only moral way to find your life partner. Plus, it's not just about being honest to your partner, but also being honest with yourself - the first step towards designing a deeply fulfilling life. In today's show, you'll discover the moral case for ethical seduction, why concealment kills connection, and a few simple ways to incorporate more ethical seduction in your love life and even your career (with real life examples you can try). Listen now. Show Highlights Include: How being radically transparent in dating is like a cheat code for attraction, connection, and self-integration (and why most guys shy away from it) (0:30) Why the "Nice Guy" approach to dating backfires and ends in humiliation (and how to get the women you want without putting a mask on your personality) (2:14) The moral flaw both the nice guy who can't get a date and the pickup artist who can't create a secure relationship commit (4:34) The almost-too-simple (but effective) "Ethical Seduction" strategy for landing a date with someone you just met (5:52) Try these 2 transparent openers on attractive women you want to genuinely connect with (they're far more effective and honest than the nice guy routine or following a pickup artist script) (6:27) How owning your insecurity instead of hiding it instantly boosts your attractiveness (7:45) The counterintuitive way polarization is the quickest way to find your life partner (15:16) A silly, but true example from an old 80s sitcom about how transparency erases anxiety and unlocks the possibility for true, authentic connection (22:20) How radical transparency in leadership motivates and inspires your team (even when you're faced with insurmountable challenges) (28:57) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

What do you do after you fall short of your values? If you're like most of us, you deflect, you hide, and you collapse into toxic shame that severs your self-trust and self-respect. But there's another way to deal with your failures that can actually improve your relationship with yourself and others. This other way? Acknowledging healthy guilt without falling into the seductive trap of toxic shame. It's not as easy as letting yourself wallow in self-pity - but it's worth it in the long-term. In today's show, you'll discover the difference between healthy guilt and toxic shame, the Anatomy of a Healthy Apology, and how you can make amends with yourself and others after you fall short of your values (as all humans do). Listen now. Show Highlights Include: What to do after falling short of your values so you don't overwhelm yourself with toxic shame (0:25) How healthy guilt guides you back to your values and even builds your character (and why toxic shame makes your burdens heavier and impossible to deload) (2:24) Why being able to tell the difference between guilt and shame is the first step towards resolving the internal civil war happening inside your body (5:41) How to apologize in a way that builds your character, improves your relationship, and even gets rid of toxic shame stewing beneath the surface (9:36) The 5 parts of the Anatomy of a Healthy Apology (10:32) Here's a real example of a weak apology after cheating and a strong one that rekindles the trust (13:44) How to use your failures to actually build trust with yourself and with others (22:34) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

Most people walk around fighting an invisible war inside themselves. On the outside, they play the part of the "good person." But behind the mask lurk the emotions they've been told are unacceptable—envy, lust, anger, cruelty, shame. In families, in religions, in schools, the lesson was drilled in: don't show that side of yourself. So those parts get buried. But buried parts don't disappear. They fester. They leak out as addictions, compulsions, betrayals, and self-sabotage. And the harder you try to repress them, the more control they end up having over your life. Here's the twist: those disowned parts aren't your enemy. They hold the raw energy you need for growth, intimacy, and even leadership. For example: Your lust can fuel creativity and connection. Your anger can set the boundaries that finally keep you safe. Your envy can highlight the longings you've been too afraid to admit. The shadow only destroys when you disown it. But when you face it with compassion and courage, the same traits you once condemned become the source of your unique strength. In today's episode, I'll show you why the parts you're most ashamed of are actually the key to becoming the person you've always wanted to be. Listen now. Show Highlights Include: How being ashamed of envy, lust, pettiness, and even cruelty makes them fester in your subconscious and come back as compulsions, addictions, and deceit that sabotage your relationships, your leadership, and your self-respect (0:25) Two real life examples of how your shadow undermines your romantic relationships and leadership (This is a must listen for "nice guys" and executives) (1:11) What's the difference between healthy guilt and toxic shame? Find out at (4:16) The most common way your shadow seeps out in your everyday life (5:53) Why the deepest growth and biggest breakthroughs lie on the other side of your shadow (8:14) How the Eight C's of your true Self can take a self-sabotaging shadow and turn it into your single biggest superpower (9:59) Not getting the promotions you deserve because of office politics? Here's why this starts in your subconscious mind (17:31) The "LIGHT" protocol for getting in touch with your shadow without collapsing in shame (24:37) 5 micro practices that help you integrate your shadow without feeling overwhelmed, confused, or lost (27:00) 4 common pitfalls of shadow work that can actually further set back your self-sabotage For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

Most people, thanks to religious, cultural, or family baggage, carry around the unnecessary burden of toxic sexual shame. Sometimes this isn't even your own shame, it's been passed down through generations under the guise of virtue. Here's the problem: Unchecked sexual shame seeps into your relationships, your leadership, and threatens your very fulfillment of life. Even if it was never yours to carry. That's why it's imperative to lift your burden of sexual shame. Not only will it keep your relationships shallow, but it will also shatter your sense of self-trust and corrode your confidence. Worst part? Sexual shame often manifests in the worst possible ways: in compulsions, addictions, secrecy, and self-sabotage. That's the bad news. The good news? You don't have to allow your shame to be your teacher any longer after you listen to this episode. In today's show, you'll discover how religious, cultural, and family baggage fill you with borrowed shame, how reframing sexual morality can lift your burden of sexual shame, and the consequences of continuing to repress your sexual shadow - and how to integrate it instead. Listen now. Show Highlights Include: How sexual morality crushes you under the weight of sexual shame and holds you back from trust, intimacy, and fulfillment (1:11) Why do people carry sexual guilt for decades longer than even theft guilt or murder guilt? (5:41) How toxic shame "oozes" out of you in the form of compulsions, betrayals, and even living a double life (6:38) The corrupted history of sexual morality and how it continues to fill couples with unexplainable shame to this day (9:11) Here's the cold hard truth about why you act one way in public and another in private (11:54) This question helps you reframe sexual morality in a positive way instead of one that fills you with toxic shame (13:37) How your sexual shadow seeps out in addictions, secrecy, and self-sabotage (and how to address it before it shatters your marriage) (19:01) 4 ways to practice sexual morality in a way that eliminates the burden of sexual shame instead of contributing to it (27:35) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

There's one ingredient missing from many high achievers' lives that drains all the fulfillment from their success, turns small failures into a life-or-death scenario, and slowly poisons your relationships at home and at work. Worst part? Most high achievers have conditioned themselves into believing that this missing ingredient is a weakness to be snuffed out at each step. So, they trap themselves in a toxic cycle that keeps repeating no matter how many of the variables they try to change. The missing ingredient? Compassion. Not only is compassion not a weakness, but it's a strength that expresses your maturity. In today's show, I'll explain why compassion is the missing ingredient to your fulfillment, I'll share the historical, religious, and evolutionary arguments for compassion, and you'll discover simple ways to start practicing compassion so your compassion muscle and fulfillment grows. Listen now. Show Highlights Include: How a lack of compassion results in a total lack of fulfillment, even if it doesn't appear that way on the surface (1:31) The cold, hard truth about why you're avoiding being compassionate (and the insidious consequences that can arise when you stop yourself from giving compassion to others) (4:34) The evolutionary proof that compassion is necessary for thriving in life (7:10) How compassion glues your different parts together and creates a reliable stream of self-trust and unshakeable confidence (9:05) Here's why the most insecure people are also the most selfish and self-centered (13:40) Why the fastest way to heal yourself is to heal others (according to the Buddha) (14:30) 3 ways a lack of compassion undermines your leadership, poisons your relationships, and hijacks your inner world (16:39) How to start practicing compassion in your life if you don't know where to begin (20:46) For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another? Maybe you've crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you've built the life you thought you wanted, yet there's still something important missing. I've put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what's really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you'll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now. It's fast. It's practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment. Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz