On one of our favorite episodes of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by author and therapist Terry Real to talk about how to overcome the myth of toxic individualism, break trauma cycles, and experience real intimacy in our relationships. They discuss how to balance acceptance and agency, develop a healthy sense of trust and self-esteem, communicate what we want effectively, and experience our power through collaboration rather than dominance. Terry describes how we can move past the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture, moving away from ‘me vs. you’ and into Us.About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out June 7th.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:45: Terry’s personal transformation4:55: Regulating up to our parents7:05: The Adaptive Child vs. the Wise Adult14:25: Us vs. the delusions of individualism and patriarchy18:05: Balancing acceptance and agency22:45: Enlightened self-interest and working with couples29:25: Three phases to get more of what you want in relationships without a counselor33:35: How to support people–particularly women–in dealing with unfairness37:15: Gendered tendencies–moving into intimacy and out of patriarchy43:20: Shame and healthy self-esteem49:40: Relational reckoning and relational integrity56:55: Repairing trust and grandiosity1:01:00: RecapSupport the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first boxReady to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Terry Real, a renowned family therapist and best-selling author, helps people create the connections they desire in their relationships. In this episode, Terry describes how his upbringing with an abusive father forged his path to become a therapist, develop his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) framework, and write I Don't Want to Talk About It—a book that reveals the hidden legacy of male depression. Terry discusses the link between childhood trauma and the deep-rooted shame, anger, and depression, which can result in feeling disconnected. Using real-life examples, Terry explains how he implements RLT to confront trauma, discover its origin, and teach the skills to break the cycle of pain, in order to live a satisfying life.   We discuss: Terry’s upbringing with a depressed and abusive father [3:15]; The importance of the repair process, after relational disharmony, to break the trauma cycle [15:15]; The impact of a patriarchal society, and relational growth as the next step for feminism [19:00]; Origins of deep-rooted shame, and the difference between feeling ashamed and feeling guilty [27:15]; Preventing the propagation of trauma without over-coddling kids [35:30]; The one-up/one-down cycle from grandiosity to shame [37:30]; Covert depression—Steps to fixing the secret legacy of male depression [40:00]; Three forms of false self-esteem [50:00]; Narcissism—A misunderstood concept [51:45]; The interplay of shame, anger, and grandiosity, and how to break the cycle [54:15]; The Relational Life Therapy framework [1:06:30]; How the adaptive child becomes the maladaptive adult [1:15:30]; Speaking the language of social relationships [1:21:45]; When does it make sense for a couple to separate? [1:26:30]; Witness abuse—Consequences of screaming at your partner in the presence of children [1:28:15]; Cases of instantaneous change, and other behavioral changes that may take more time [1:30:45]; Reconciling with his father—Terry’s final conversation with his dad [1:33:45]; and More. Learn more: https://peterattiamd.com/ Show notes page for this episode: https://peterattiamd.com/terryreal Subscribe to receive exclusive subscriber-only content: https://peterattiamd.com/subscribe/ Sign up to receive Peter's email newsletter: https://peterattiamd.com/newsletter/ Connect with Peter on Facebook | Twitter | Instagram.

Over the last 10 years interest in therapy has boomed, and with the greater demand for therapists more people than ever are considering pursuing a career in mental health. On today’s episode Forrest speaks to five therapists and therapists-in-training to learn the lessons they wish they’d known when they started. You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Intro2:15: Rick Hanson5:05: Key traits of good therapists17:50: Questions a prospective therapist might not think to ask25:00: Self-employement, emotional regulation, and boundaries27:45: Efficacy, complacency, and respecting the craft31:45: Lori Gottlieb35:20: Emotional intimacy and human connection38:50: Modalities 40:50: Vulnerability, uncertainty, and making mistakes48:10: Terry Real52:45: Learning how to heal yourself first55:35: What therapy is actually like59:30: Messiness1:03:15: Elizabeth Ferreira1:06:35: Somatics, and being yourself1:11:50: How to suffer with someone, then let it move through you1:16:45: Awareness and the bravery of owning what’s in the room1:21:15: Chaos, and loving yourself1:27:45: Taylor Banfield1:34:00: Sitting with a client for the first time1:37:45: Choosing a specific career path1:39:10: Boundaries1:43:15: RecapAbout our Guests: Rick Hanson is a psychologist, Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, New York Times best-selling author, and frequent guest on Being Well.Lori Gottlieb is a practicing therapist in Los Angeles, and is the author of the bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.Terry Real is a longtime clinician, the founder of the Relational Life Institute, and bestselling author of a number of books including Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.Elizabeth Ferreira is an associate somatic psychotherapist working in the San Francisco Bay Area. If you’d like to work with Elizabeth, you can reach out to her through her website or Instagram. Taylor Banfield is a graduate student in the PsyD program at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off!Finally get that project off the ground with Squarespace! Head to squarespace.com/beingwell for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch use coupon code BEINGWELL to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode’s guest is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and teacher that has been in private practice for over 30 years. Gwyneth Paltrow has praised Terry as her favorite relationship therapist, and many have credited him for saving their marriage. Bradley cooper has even been quoted saying that his work is “nothing short of miraculous” He’s the author of the national bestseller: I Don't Want To Talk About It, the first book ever written on the topic of male depression. That was followed by three more successful books, including his most recent New York Times Bestselling book, Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Terry founded The Relational Life Institute and often appears in academic journals and media like Good Morning America, ABC News, Oprah, The Today Show, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and many others. In this episode, Terry and Vishen have a discussion on relationship advice and his new book, "Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Stay till the end because we may have a big surprise for you. Listen out for: - The difference between depression in men and women. - The core skill you need to learn to have a better relationship life.  - How many inner children do we have and how to tend for them? - 5 losing strategies that are the agenda of your inner adaptive child.   Bonus:                                                                          - Find out more about Terry Real here 👉https://terryreal.com/  - Want to find Terry on Instagram? Click here 👉 https://www.instagram.com/realterryreal/  - Subscribe to 'Mindvalley Membership' to discover 65+ transformational Mindvalley programs – at a surprisingly low annual fee. You can also watch our podcast sessions live, interact with the guests, connect with the world’s best teachers and find your community here 👉 https://go.mindvalley.com/NOW      Like this episode? Subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or your favorite podcasting app. Share this with your friends on Instagram or Twitter. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Terry Real and Loch Kelly in a caring dialogue where they explore relational mindfulness and offer practical tools for conscious and connected relationships. Terry emphasizes moving beyond individualistic perspectives and shares stories from his practice. They discuss shame-based and grandiose parts, the transformative power of Relational Life Therapy, and the importance of learning relationship skills. They also explore the significance of relationships, gratitude for practical gifts, and the role of awareness in relational mindfulness.

Explore the significance of inner child work in relationships, as renowned therapist Terry Real shares practical strategies for healing and improving connections. Reflect on personal experiences and emotional healing, emphasizing the impact of unresolved inner child wounds on present behaviors. Discover the journey of nurturing the inner child for self-healing and transforming relationships, breaking patterns of seeking external validation. Gain insights on addressing past traumas and fostering healthier relationships through inner child work.

Renowned therapist Terry Real discusses gender dynamics, shared humanity, and self-improvement in relationships. He emphasizes transitioning from rigidity to forgiveness and understanding, challenging biases, and promoting his new book on essential relationship skills.

Terry Real, a renowned family therapist, shares insights on redefining marriage rules for the 21st century, focusing on emotional intimacy, therapy methods like amago therapy, and strategies for diffusing negative patterns in relationships. He emphasizes personal growth, effective communication, and building intimacy based on good-heartedness and teachability.

Terry Real, a renowned family therapist and expert on intimacy, dives into the intricacies of couples therapy. He discusses the cyclic nature of relationships and underscores how childhood shapes adult dynamics. The conversation tackles shame and grandiosity, urging couples to foster equality and accountability, especially when faced with infidelity. Real offers insights on sustaining love through vulnerability and emotional growth, promoting healthier communication as key to deeper connections. This engaging dialogue is filled with practical advice for couples seeking to strengthen their bonds.

Terry Real, expert in relational life therapy, shares practical strategies for building better relationships. He emphasizes the importance of communication, empathy, and focusing on the relationship rather than tasks. Real discusses the Speaking for Repair tool and the need to adapt coping mechanisms for successful partnerships.