#810: Terry Real — The Therapist Who Breaks All The Rules

2850 snips

May 8, 2025

Terry Real, a nationally recognized family therapist and author, dives into the intricate world of relationship dynamics. He shares insights on the significance of storytelling in couples therapy and emphasizes emotional vulnerability. Real discusses confronting childhood traumas and their impacts on adult relationships, advocating for compassionate communication during conflicts. He explores deal breakers, the role of trauma in intimacy, and the transformative power of therapy in fostering healthier interactions. Listeners can gain valuable tools for personal growth and nurturing love.

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00:00 / 00:00

Relational Heroism: The Pumpernickel Moment

A chronic liar changed overnight by owning his truth with his wife about pumpernickel bread.
This moment of honesty unlocked 25 years of tension and tears in their relationship.

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Remember Love to Avoid Escalation

When flooded with emotion, remember your partner as someone you care about.
Take a break if you're trying to prove you're right, then talk to improve your relationship.

00:00 / 00:00

Breaking Generational Martyrdom Cycle

A man loyal to his dead mother sacrificed himself, jeopardizing his health and future.
Therapy shifted his loyalty from martyrdom to self-care with genuine life improvements.

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I Don't Want to Talk About It

The Hidden Epidemic of Depression in Men

Terry Real

Terry Real's "I Don't Want to Talk About It" explores the hidden epidemic of depression in men, connecting it to societal expectations of masculinity and emotional repression. The book delves into the roots of male depression, often tracing them back to childhood experiences and the impact of traditional gender roles. Real challenges the notion of stoicism and encourages men to embrace vulnerability and emotional expression. He provides practical strategies for men to address their emotional struggles and build healthier relationships. The book's impact lies in its ability to validate the experiences of men struggling with depression and offer a path towards healing and connection.

The 4 Hour Workweek

Timothy Ferriss

In 'The 4-Hour Workweek', Timothy Ferriss presents a step-by-step guide to 'lifestyle design', encouraging readers to question the traditional notion of retirement and instead create a lifestyle that prioritizes freedom, adventure, and personal growth. The book teaches how to outsource life tasks, automate income, and eliminate unnecessary work using principles like the 80/20 rule and Parkinson’s Law. Ferriss shares his personal journey from a corporate workaholic to a location-independent entrepreneur and provides practical tips and case studies to help readers achieve similar results. The book emphasizes the importance of focusing on high-value activities, taking 'mini-retirements', and living life to the fullest in the present rather than deferring enjoyment until retirement.

The big sleep

Raymond Chandler

Raymond Chandler's "The Big Sleep" is a classic hard-boiled detective novel featuring Philip Marlowe. The story is set in Los Angeles and involves a complex web of deceit, murder, and blackmail. Chandler's distinctive writing style, characterized by sharp wit, cynical observations, and vivid descriptions, creates a compelling atmosphere of suspense and intrigue. The novel explores themes of morality, corruption, and the dark side of human nature. "The Big Sleep" is a cornerstone of the hard-boiled detective genre and has been adapted numerous times for film and television.

Violence

Slavoj Žižek

Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Terrence Real

Bruce Springsteen

In this transformative book, Terrence Real addresses the impact of toxic individualism on intimate relationships. He provides a science-backed skillset to help couples overcome repetitive fights and distant relationships by fostering a culture of compassion, collaboration, and closeness. Real shares stories of couples whose relationships have been saved through these skills and discusses the broader cultural context that reinforces relationship dysfunction. The book is praised for its insightful and practical advice, making it a valuable resource for those seeking true intimacy.

Outlive

The Science and Art of Longevity

Peter Attia

Bill Gifford

In this book, Dr. Peter Attia draws on the latest science to deliver innovative nutritional interventions, techniques for optimizing exercise and sleep, and tools for addressing emotional and mental health. The book aims to replace the outdated medical framework with a personalized, proactive strategy for longevity, focusing on creating the best individual plan for long-term health. It covers topics such as the limitations of cholesterol tests, underdiagnosed liver conditions, the importance of exercise, and the integration of overall health with relational health.

Fierce Intimacy

Terrence Real