Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson Intimacy, Individuality, and Breaking the Trauma Cycle with Terry Real
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Jun 6, 2022 
In this engaging discussion, internationally recognized family therapist Terry Real shares insights on overcoming toxic individualism to foster genuine intimacy. He highlights the importance of balancing acceptance and agency in relationships and introduces the concepts of the Adaptive Child and Wise Adult. Real discusses effective communication strategies to express needs without a counselor’s help, advocating for collaboration over dominance. He emphasizes breaking generational trauma cycles to build healthier connections, urging listeners to shift from ‘me vs. you’ to a united ‘Us’.
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Terry Real's Family History
- Terry Real's father was violent and depressed, part of a multi-generational cycle.
- Real's work focuses on transforming these legacies and breaking the cycle for his own children.
The Gift of Sensitivity
- Children in traumatic families develop high emotional intelligence (EQ) to manage their parents' instability.
- This "gift" of sensitivity is common among marginalized groups.
Adaptive Child vs. Wise Adult
- The 'adaptive child' develops coping mechanisms to survive dysfunctional families, but these can become maladaptive in adulthood.
- Respect the intelligence of the adaptive child, but prevent it from running the show.
