Jessica Pan, author of "Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come," dives into her personal journey of overcoming severe introversion. She shares the emotional challenges of social gatherings and reveals her year-long experiment to embrace extroversion. Jessica discusses the psychological benefits of stepping out of comfort zones and how engaging with strangers can boost happiness. Through her experiences and humor, she illustrates the joy that can come from genuine connections and the transformation from a timid introvert to a more outgoing individual.
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Surprise Party
Jessica Pan, a self-proclaimed introvert, received a surprise birthday party.
This was her worst nightmare, highlighting her discomfort with large social gatherings.
insights INSIGHT
Introversion as Justification
Jessica discovered the terms "introvert" and "extrovert" in her 20s.
She then used "introvert" as a label to justify avoiding anxiety-inducing social situations, which she now views as self-limiting.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Wedding Speech Regret
Jessica regretted not giving a speech at her own wedding due to anxiety.
Witnessing a friend's heartfelt speech made her realize that the benefits of vulnerability could outweigh potential negative consequences.
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In *Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come*, Jessica Pan chronicles her year of forcing herself to live as an extrovert. Pan, a self-described 'shintrovert,' was feeling lonely and depressed due to her extreme shyness and lack of social interactions. She decided to challenge herself by engaging in various daunting new experiences such as stand-up comedy, solo vacations, and networking events. The book is a humorous and sincere account of her trials, revelations, and the lessons she learned about human connection and personal growth. Pan's journey involves consulting with experts, facing her fears through exposure therapy, and ultimately forming new friendships and gaining confidence.
The how of happiness
Sonja Lyubomirsky
In *The How of Happiness*, Sonja Lyubomirsky offers a detailed yet easy-to-follow plan to increase happiness. Drawing on her extensive research, Lyubomirsky explains that while 50% of happiness is determined by genetics and 10% by life circumstances, 40% can be controlled through intentional thoughts and behaviors. The book provides over a dozen uniquely formulated happiness-increasing strategies, including practicing optimism, savoring life's pleasures, and staying active. It also includes diagnostic quizzes to help readers understand their 'happiness set point' and select activities that best fit their personality, resources, and goals. Lyubomirsky emphasizes the importance of personalizing these strategies to achieve long-term happiness[1][4][5].
Jessica Pan hated social gatherings - she cried when her friends threw her a surprise birthday party, and was even too scared to give a speech at her own wedding. Jessica was a hardcore introvert - and it was making her sad.
Extroverts find it easier to experience the joy that comes with social interactions - but that doesn't mean introverts are doomed to lives that lack such fun. Jessica read some research that suggested introverts can learn to enjoy being more outgoing - so decided to turn her social life around.
You can read more of Jessica's story in her book: Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes. She is posting updates from her year of extroverting at her Substack, "It'll Be Fun, They Said" (https://jesspan.substack.com/).
The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos 
