The importance of shifting from asking 'what is wrong with you' to 'what happened to you' for understanding the impact of trauma and adverse experiences on individuals.
The significance of recognizing neglect as equally toxic as trauma and the need for empathy towards individuals who have experienced various forms of trauma or neglect.
The importance of understanding brain function in relationships and communication, recognizing the impact of emotional states on reasoning, and practicing regulation and calming techniques for effective engagement during conflicts.
Deep dives
The Importance of Shifting from 'What is Wrong with You' to 'What Happened to You'
In the podcast episode, the concept of shifting from asking 'what is wrong with you' to 'what happened to you' is explored. It is emphasized that this shift in perspective is essential for understanding the impact of trauma and adverse experiences on individuals. The discussion highlights that trauma is not solely limited to major events, but also encompasses the consistent and prolonged experiences of stress and neglect. The significance of recognizing neglect as equally toxic as trauma is also emphasized. The conversation highlights the need for empathy and understanding towards individuals who have experienced various forms of trauma or neglect.
The Power of Understanding Brain Function in Relationships and Communication
The podcast delves into the importance of understanding brain function in relationships and communication. The discussion highlights how emotional states impact our ability to reason and effectively communicate. It is explained that when individuals are in a state of fear, anger, or agitation, the reasoning part of their brain becomes inaccessible. This understanding underscores the need for regulation and calming techniques before attempting to engage in conversations, especially during conflict. The conversation underscores the significance of recognizing this brain response in order to improve communication and connection in relationships.
The Impact of Neglect and Love on Personal Development
The podcast explores the profound impact of neglect and love on personal development. It emphasizes that neglect, as well as the way love is given and received, significantly shape an individual's worldview and self-esteem. The discussion highlights that each person's experience of love and neglect is unique, even within the same family. The importance of recognizing that not everyone receives what they need in terms of love is underscored. The conversation highlights the significance of understanding one's own experiences of neglect or love in order to navigate relationships and personal growth with a greater sense of empathy and self-awareness.
The long-term impact of corporal punishment
The podcast episode discusses the long-term effects of corporal punishment, specifically being whipped as a child. The speaker shares personal experiences of growing up with physical discipline and how it shaped their behavior and self-perception. The realization of the connection between past trauma and present-day anxieties is highlighted, as well as the impact of being raised in an environment where children are seen and not heard. The speaker also discusses how the experience of corporal punishment affected their ability to speak up for themselves and contributed to becoming a people-pleaser. They emphasize the importance of recognizing the lasting impact of childhood experiences and finding ways to heal and build strength.
The importance of nurturing interactions for child development
The podcast episode delves into the significance of nurturing interactions in child development. The speaker highlights the idea that love is not only expressed through hugs and kisses, but rather through consistent, attentive, and nurturing interactions. They emphasize the role of repetition in developing healthy relationships and stress that quality time alone is not enough to compensate for the absence of regular, positive interactions. The speaker also discusses the societal challenges faced by modern caregivers and the importance of community support in creating enriching environments for children. They advocate for investing in early interventions like high-quality home visitation programs to provide support for vulnerable families and promote healthy development.
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Perry joined Jay Shetty in their first ever virtual book tour event for the recently released book they co-authored, What Happened to You? We talk about how they are redefining childhood trauma, why experiences at a young age mold our adult life, and finding rhythm and balance to start healing yourself.
Oprah is an accomplished author, talk show host, actress, producer and philanthropist. Dr. Bruce Perry is a neuroscientist and psychiatrist, currently the senior fellow of the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, Texas and today, we will find out “What happened to you”
What We Discuss with Oprah and Dr. Perry:
00:00 Intro
02:24 Meeting Dr. Bruce Perry and the journey towards understanding “What Happened to You”
05:57 Commonly misunderstood concept about trauma
09:06 Going beyond success to heal your trauma
11:05 The younger the children, the more influence you have on who they become
12:24 Oprah on Fast Five
19:05 Switch from “What is wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”
24:13 Life-long study on child trauma and how it started
27:52 The connection between childhood experience and adulthood
32:53 What should parents do differently to express love to their children?
41:27 Finding the time to create a rhythm and balance
46:24 Misconceptions about the stress response system that leads to trauma
50:14 Neglect is as toxic as trauma
53:26 Reaching an understanding so can process your pain and anger
01:06:39 The difference between coping and healing
