In this conversation, Charles Feltman, founder of Insight Coaching and author of 'The Thin Book of Trust,' shares insights from his 25 years of coaching leaders. He discusses the importance of preparing for conversations with those we distrust, introducing a seven-step framework to enhance dialogue. Topics include the four domains of trust: care, sincerity, reliability, and competence. Charles emphasizes self-reflection and specific behaviors that can impact trust, ultimately guiding listeners on how to foster better communication even in challenging situations.
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insights INSIGHT
Four Domains of Trust
Trust isn't binary (trust/no trust), but has four domains: care, sincerity, reliability, and competence.
Assess distrust in each domain to gain a holistic understanding.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Define Your Standards
When assessing distrust, define your standards for each domain.
Consider if the other person's standards might differ from yours.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Focus on Behaviors
Focus on specific actions and behaviors that cause distrust, not character flaws.
Discussing behaviors makes conversations more constructive and less defensive.
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The Thin Book of Trust by Charles Feltman provides a simple yet powerful framework for building trust in the workplace. The book is based on the idea that trust is a competency that can be learned, improved, and practiced. It defines trust through four key assessments: sincerity, reliability, competence, and care. These assessments help individuals understand how to build and maintain strong trust with their colleagues and contribute to a high-trust culture at work. The third edition includes new resources, a study guide, and a resource download page, making it a valuable tool for leaders, coaches, consultants, and HR professionals[1][3][5].
Difficult Conversations
How to Discuss What Matters Most
Roger Drummer Fisher
Douglas Stone
Bruce Patton
Sheila Heen
This book provides a step-by-step approach to having tough conversations with less stress and more success. It covers how to decipher the underlying structure of difficult conversations, raise tough issues without triggering defensiveness, manage strong emotions, and keep balance regardless of the other person's response. The book is filled with examples from everyday life and addresses issues such as race, culture, gender, power, and communication via technology. It is designed to help readers improve oral communication in personal, professional, and public life.
Charles Feltman: The Thin Book of Trust
Charles Feltman is the founder of Insight Coaching. He has over 25 years of professional experience coaching, facilitating, consulting to, and training people who lead others. He is the author of The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work*.
It’s a reality of life that we need to interact with some people we’d rather not. And it’s absolutely a reality of leadership, that sometimes we need to have a conversation with someone we don’t quite trust. In this episode, Charles and I explore how to prepare so it goes better for both parties.
Key Points
The four assessment domains of trust include care, sincerity, reliability, and competence.
Seven steps to prepare for a conversation:
Identify the assessment(s) you are concerned with: care, sincerity, reliability, and/or competence.
Define the standard you are using.
Identify the specific actions or behaviors that have led to your assessment of distrust.
Consider what you are doing that may be contributing to the situation.
Determine what you need from them in order for them to regain your trust.
Decide if you are willing to talk to the person about it.
Ask the other person if they would be willing to have a conversation with you.
Resources Mentioned
The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work* by Charles Feltman
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
How to Handle Pushback From Difficult Askers, with Vanessa Patrick (episode 637)
How to Help Difficult Conversations Go Better, with Sheila Heen (episode 655)
How to Change People’s Minds, with Michael McQueen (episode 676)
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