In this conversation, Charles Feltman, founder of Insight Coaching and author of 'The Thin Book of Trust,' shares insights from his 25 years of coaching leaders. He discusses the importance of preparing for conversations with those we distrust, introducing a seven-step framework to enhance dialogue. Topics include the four domains of trust: care, sincerity, reliability, and competence. Charles emphasizes self-reflection and specific behaviors that can impact trust, ultimately guiding listeners on how to foster better communication even in challenging situations.
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Quick takeaways
Having structured preparation for conversations with untrustworthy individuals can significantly enhance the effectiveness of these interactions.
Understanding the four domains of trust—care, sincerity, reliability, and competence—helps leaders assess and address trust issues constructively.
Deep dives
Navigating Conversations with Distrust
Leaders often face the necessity of communicating with individuals they do not fully trust. The discussion emphasizes the need for preparation ahead of such confrontations to ensure that both parties can engage more effectively. Recognizing the importance of approaching these conversations thoughtfully is crucial, as it can significantly impact workplace dynamics and relationships. Implementing strategies to address distrust proactively can facilitate a safer environment for open dialogue, leading to better resolutions.
Understanding the Four Domains of Trust
Trust is defined in terms of four distinct domains: care, sincerity, reliability, and competence. These domains provide a framework to assess trustworthiness more holistically rather than viewing it as a binary concept. Care pertains to the belief that the other party has one's best interests in mind, while sincerity blends honesty with integrity. Reliability focuses on keeping commitments, and competence reflects a person’s skills and knowledge to fulfill tasks; recognizing concerns within these domains can help in pinpointing specific issues before initiating difficult conversations.
Identifying Specific Behaviors Leading to Distrust
Effective conversations about trust should center on specific behaviors rather than personal character, as this prevents defensiveness and promotes constructive dialogue. By discussing observable actions, both parties can address the underlying issues contributing to a trust deficit without feeling attacked. This approach encourages a cooperative environment where solutions can be explored, significantly improving the chances of restoring trust. A focus on behavior allows for a shared understanding of the situation, providing a path to rebuild relationships.
Reflecting on Personal Contributions to Trust Issues
An important step in resolving trust-related issues is for individuals to reflect on their own contributions to the situation. This introspection can reveal behaviors that may unintentionally undermine trust, such as being unclear in requests or exhibiting defensive attitudes. Recognizing one's role not only fosters self-awareness but also diminishes the likelihood of entering conversations with an adversarial mindset. Embracing humility and a willingness to adjust one's own actions can pave the way for more fruitful discussions about trust.
It’s a reality of life that we need to interact with some people we’d rather not. And it’s absolutely a reality of leadership, that sometimes we need to have a conversation with someone we don’t quite trust. In this episode, Charles and I explore how to prepare so it goes better for both parties.
Key Points
The four assessment domains of trust include care, sincerity, reliability, and competence.
Seven steps to prepare for a conversation:
Identify the assessment(s) you are concerned with: care, sincerity, reliability, and/or competence.
Define the standard you are using.
Identify the specific actions or behaviors that have led to your assessment of distrust.
Consider what you are doing that may be contributing to the situation.
Determine what you need from them in order for them to regain your trust.
Decide if you are willing to talk to the person about it.
Ask the other person if they would be willing to have a conversation with you.