Overcoming Learned Helplessness with Licensed Therapist, Kati Morton
Dec 19, 2022
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Kati Morton, a licensed therapist and best-selling author specializing in mental health, joins Delanie Fischer and Kelsey Cook to explore learned helplessness. They discuss its origins, effects on relationships, and practical steps for overcoming it. Kati emphasizes the damaging role of social comparison and its ties to joy theft. The conversation dives into conquering unhealthy attachment patterns in relationships and the importance of emotional independence. Listeners gain insights on fostering healthier connections and prioritizing self-care.
Learned helplessness stems from repeated negative experiences, often causing individuals to believe they lack the power to change their circumstances.
This psychological phenomenon can prevent people from accepting help, leading to a cycle of inaction due to ingrained beliefs of powerlessness.
Breaking free from learned helplessness necessitates proactive engagement in relationships and self-reflection, fostering open communication about personal needs and boundaries.
Deep dives
Understanding Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness occurs when individuals repeatedly encounter situations that feel harmful or unable to escape, leading them to stop trying to change their circumstances. This psychological concept originated from experiments conducted on animals, particularly in controlled environments like the Skinner box, where subjects would eventually stop attempting to escape electric shocks after learning they were powerless. This phenomenon is often seen in humans, particularly in abusive relationships or unhealthy environments, where ongoing stressors lead to a freeze response rather than a fight or flight response. The critical implication here is that even without conscious recognition, individuals may adopt a mindset of powerlessness, which can hinder their ability to take proactive steps in their lives.
Examples and Patterns of Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness can manifest in various ways, including remaining in harmful relationships due to a belief that escape is impossible or persistently resisting help from others. Individuals might downplay or outright reject support or advice, convinced that nothing can change their situation. This forms a cycle of inaction where the person believes they cannot alter their reality, often resulting in a significant lack of agency. Recognizing this behavior is crucial, as it reveals the deeply ingrained patterns that can stem from past trauma or adverse experiences, prompting the need for conscious effort to break the cycle.
Therapeutic Strategies for Overcoming Helplessness
To combat learned helplessness, the initial step is to reintroduce action, breaking the freeze response that perpetuates feelings of being stuck. Engaging in small, manageable actions can generate momentum and gradually build a sense of agency and control over one's life. Therapeutic environments offer opportunities to practice new responses and reinforce the idea that one can change their circumstances. By creating a safe space for expression and exploration, individuals can begin to dismantle their learned helplessness and discover healthier ways to engage with their problems.
The Role of Relationships in Learned Helplessness
Relationships play a significant role in either reinforcing or dismantling feelings of learned helplessness. Individuals often find themselves gravitating towards partners or friendships that perpetuate old patterns of behavior, mistaking familiarity for safety. In the context of intimate relationships, many struggle to articulate their needs or assert boundaries, ultimately prolonging their unhealthy attachments. This can lead to a false sense of loyalty, as people may feel they are obligated to maintain relationships despite the emotional toll, underscoring the importance of evaluating the reciprocity and health of these connections.
Breaking the Cycle of Learned Helplessness
Breaking free from learned helplessness requires not only self-reflection but also open communication about one’s feelings and experiences within relationships. It is essential to create an environment where needs can be openly discussed without fear of judgment or retribution. Those experiencing this phenomenon often benefit from acknowledging their power to effect change in their lives, even when confronted with difficult choices. Emphasizing that change is possible at any stage of life promotes a proactive approach, encouraging individuals to seek out healthier relationships and opportunities for personal growth.
Delanie Fischer and Kelsey Cook are joined by licensed therapist and best-selling author, Kati Morton. Kati breaks down the concept of learned helplessness -- why it happens, how it shows up in our lives, and practical steps we can take to shift our perspective. Plus, a variety of personal examples, juicy insights, and simple, impactful adjustments we can all make for a healthier relationship with ourselves and others.