10% Happier with Dan Harris Why You Say Yes When You Shouldn’t — And How To Say No When It Matters Most | Dr. Sunita Sah
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Aug 4, 2025 
Dr. Sunita Sah, a Cornell professor and author of 'Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes,' redefines defiance in a society that pressures compliance. She discusses the five stages of defiance and how it can be practiced, emphasizing the importance of understanding one’s values. Listeners learn about the biological and psychological aspects of saying no, particularly within cultural contexts, and discover practical strategies for setting boundaries and navigating societal expectations. Defiance is not just resistance; it's a path to empowerment.
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Teaching Compliance and Defiance
- Dr. Sunita Sah reflects on teaching her son compliance mirrored as 'being good,' illustrating internalized pressure to obey.
- She recounts missing the Olympic torch moment because her son defied, sitting down in protest.
Defining Defiance Positively
- Defiance means acting according to your values despite pressure to do otherwise.
- Compliance can be corrosive, leading to regret and undermining authenticity if done against one's values.
Five Stages of Defiance
- Defiance unfolds in five stages: tension, acknowledgement, vocalization, noncompliance communication, and act of defiance.
- The initial tension signals inner strength and values, which dissipates after authentic defiance.
