Join renowned relationship experts John and Julie Gottman as they share over 40 years of groundbreaking research on marital stability. Discover effective communication strategies to tackle conflicts, and learn why constructive criticism may not be as helpful as you think. The Gottmans delve into their Sound Relationship House Theory, emphasizing trust and commitment. They also explore the complexities of betrayal, the unique role of humor, and how mindfulness can enhance emotional connections in relationships.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Meeting at a Coffee House
Julie Gottman met John at a coffee house, finding him sexy in his leather attire.
Five months later, they were engaged, drawn together by chance and John's 'ugliest car' charm.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Combining Research and Clinical Practice
Julie, initially working with trauma victims, maintained a separate practice from John's research.
Eight years later, inspired by John's findings, they began collaborating, leading to new theories and the Gottman Institute.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Origin of Gottman's Research
John Gottman's initial research stemmed from personal relationship struggles with his friend Bob Levinson.
Their cluelessness led to observational research comparing happy and miserable couples, yielding surprising predictive accuracy.
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How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection
John Gottman
Julie Schwartz Gottman
In 'Fight Right', Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, share their decades of research to help couples understand and manage conflict effectively. The book identifies five common mistakes couples make during conflicts and provides five secrets to get back on track. It emphasizes the importance of understanding each person's unique conflict culture, which is shaped by their upbringing and past relationships. The Gottmans guide readers through various conflict styles, such as Avoiders, Validators, and Volatiles, and offer practical tools to help couples adopt a collaborative approach, calming down, staying connected, and truly understanding each other during conflicts.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
John Gottman
Nan Silver
This book, written by John Gottman and Nan Silver, is based on Gottman's extensive research on couples and their relationships. It outlines seven principles that couples can follow to nurture their friendship, resolve conflicts effectively, and create a shared sense of meaning. The principles include enhancing 'love maps,' nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other, letting each other influence, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning. The book also warns against the 'Four Horsemen' of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, which can predict the demise of a marriage. Packed with exercises, questionnaires, and real-life examples, this guide helps couples improve their communication, intimacy, and overall relationship quality.
Eight Dates
Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
John Gottman
Julie Schwartz Gottman
In 'Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love', John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman provide a step-by-step guide to help couples navigate the challenges of long-term commitment. Drawing from their extensive research at the Love Lab, the authors outline eight essential conversations that couples should have to build a strong and lasting relationship. Each date is designed to address a different critical topic, including trust, conflict, intimacy, finances, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. The book includes exercises, open-ended discussion questions, and suggestions for where to have these dates, aiming to foster deeper understanding, empathy, and connection between partners.
What Makes Love Last
How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal
John Gottman
Nan Silver
In this book, John Gottman explores the mysteries of love, explaining where it comes from, why some love lasts, and why some fades. Based on his extensive research in the 'Love Lab', Gottman provides strategies for identifying signs, behaviors, and attitudes that indicate betrayal and offers practical advice on how to repair and maintain relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of trust, communication, and physical intimacy in relationships and provides tools and methods for couples to evaluate and improve their relationships[2][3][4].
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What 40 years of research tells us about how to cultivate good relationships in our lives.
World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute and Affective Software Inc. as well as author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Dr. Julie Gottman is the Co-Founder and President of The Gottman Institute and Co-Founder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist and author, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. She is the co-creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
In this episode we talk about:
how to talk (and listen) to your partner in moments of conflict
what to do before you start trying to solve a problem together
why “there’s no such thing as constructive criticism”
the details of John’s research findings, which have allowed him to predict with stunning accuracy whether a couple will get divorced
how the Gottmans themselves do when it comes to operationalizing their findings/advice
how and why betrayal occurs
when a couple should consider separating
the role mindfulness can play in healthy relationships
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