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#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge

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Sep 15, 2021

Guest

Sheila Heen

Sheila Heen is a New York Times bestselling author and deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, specializing in tough conversations and conflict resolution. She discusses the transformative power of effective communication and introduces a 60-day challenge to enhance interpersonal skills, especially the art of apologizing. Listeners learn about balancing empathy with assertiveness in difficult dialogues, the significance of self-reflection, and how to build trust by admitting faults. Sheila also highlights the importance of humor and personal narratives in navigating complex discussions.

01:59:30

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ANECDOTE

Elevator Rant

Sheila Heen shares a story about a racist rant she witnessed in an elevator.
This event prompted her to explore difficult conversations more deeply, eventually leading to her work at the Harvard Negotiation Project.

insights

INSIGHT

Three Underlying Conversations

Difficult conversations, regardless of the specific context, share a common underlying structure.
This involves "what happened," feelings, and identity conversations.

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Traffic Light Misunderstanding

Sheila Heen recounts a story about her son misinterpreting traffic light colors due to his perspective from the backseat.
This highlights how different viewpoints can lead to misunderstandings, even in simple situations.

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Negotiation Insights and Personal Legends

04:07 • 5min

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A Transformative Journey into Negotiation and Conflict Resolution

09:13 • 2min

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Elevator Encounters and Difficult Conversations

11:28 • 14min

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Navigating Difficult Dialogues

25:22 • 20min

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Navigating Difficult Conversations and Building Trust

Navigating Difficult Conversations

01:04:30 • 25min

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Shifting Perspectives: The Dynamics of Blame

01:29:45 • 13min

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Navigating Difficult Conversations

01:43:09 • 11min

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Weekly Insights and Recommendations with Top Sleep Aids

01:54:35 • 5min

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Difficult Conversations

How to Discuss What Matters Most

Roger Drummer Fisher

Douglas Stone

Bruce Patton

Sheila Heen

This book provides a step-by-step approach to having tough conversations with less stress and more success. It covers how to decipher the underlying structure of difficult conversations, raise tough issues without triggering defensiveness, manage strong emotions, and keep balance regardless of the other person's response. The book is filled with examples from everyday life and addresses issues such as race, culture, gender, power, and communication via technology. It is designed to help readers improve oral communication in personal, professional, and public life.

Thanks for the Feedback

The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

Douglas Stone

Sheila Heen

Getting to yes

negotiating agreement without giving in

William Ury

Roger Drummer Fisher

Bruce Patton

Getting to Yes, written by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton, introduces the concept of principled negotiation. This approach separates the people from the problem, focuses on interests rather than positions, invents options for mutual gain, and insists on using objective criteria. The book provides strategies to manage emotions, avoid common negotiation traps, and deal with 'dirty tricks' used by other parties. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the other side's perceptions, managing misperceptions, and creating a collaborative environment to reach agreements that satisfy both parties[1][4][5].

Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge | Brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs recruitment platform with 750M users, Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating, and Public Goods high-quality everyday essentials. More on all three below.

Sheila Heen is a New York Times best-selling author, founder of Triad Consulting Group, and a deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project at Harvard Law School, where she has been a member of the faculty for 25 years. Sheila specializes in particularly difficult negotiations, where emotions run high and relationships become strained. She often works with executive teams, helping them to resolve conflict, repair professional relationships, and make sound decisions together. In the public sector, she has provided training for the New England Organ Bank, the Singapore Supreme Court, the Obama White House, and theologians struggling with disagreement over the nature of truth and God.

Sheila is co-author of the New York Times bestsellers Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (even when it’s off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood). She has written for the Harvard Business Review and the New York Times — as a guest expert and contributor to the “Modern Love” column — and she has appeared on NPR, Fox News, CNBC’s Power Lunch, and shows as diverse as Oprah and The G. Gordon Liddy Show. She has spoken at the Global Leadership Summit, the Nordic Business Forum, the Smithsonian, Apple, Google, and Microsoft. Sheila is a graduate of Occidental College and Harvard Law School. She is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children.

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