Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Social Anxiety, Self-Advocacy, and Too Much Self-Help: September Mailbag

Sep 16, 2024

Dr. Rick, an anxiety management expert, and Forrest, a self-improvement enthusiast, tackle listener questions about social anxiety and self-advocacy. They discuss the potential pitfalls of excessive self-help and the quest for validation. Rick shares strategies for cultivating self-acceptance while Forrest reflects on finding balance in personal growth. They also explore collaborative decision-making in relationships and the fine line between self-awareness and self-consciousness, sharing valuable insights for improving emotional intelligence and communication.

01:13:44

Episode guests

Forrest

Rick

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Quick takeaways

Overindulgence in self-help can hinder daily interactions, emphasizing the need for balance between self-awareness and genuine connection.

Managing social anxiety involves reassessing one’s social environment and practicing self-validation to build self-worth and supportive relationships.

Effective joint decision-making in relationships requires understanding different communication styles and fostering an environment of mutual respect and flexibility.

Deep dives

Balancing Self-Help and Life

Engaging deeply in self-help and personal development can lead to questioning whether one is overly preoccupied with these subjects. It is beneficial to differentiate between various types of self-reflection, such as understanding oneself, contemplating others’ minds, and actively pursuing personal growth. Striking a balance is crucial, as overthinking personal development can hinder daily interactions and relationships. Ultimately, the goal should be to cultivate a sense of freedom in choices rather than becoming trapped in self-awareness, which might spiral into self-consciousness.

Continuously recommit to conquering Fear

01:32

True freedom is the power to choose, not the impulse to act

01:07

Balance Standards: Process Over Results

02:56

Balance Self-Reflection with Living Fully

02:18

Intro

2min

Finding Balance: Self-Awareness vs. Self-Consciousness

9min

Navigating Authenticity and Self-Worth

14min

Navigating Self-Demand and Emotional Regulation

5min

Balancing Standards and Self-Compassion

10min

Navigating Autism Spectrum and Relationships

15min

Balancing Curiosity and Safety

19min

Dr. Rick and Forrest dive into the mailbag, and answer questions from listeners focused on working with anxiety in ourselves and our relationships. They start with a question that’s essential to the podcast as a whole: is it possible to be too preoccupied with personal growth? Rick talks about how to manage the desire for approval, offering strategies to foster self-acceptance and healthier self-validation, before Forrest shares his own journey with finding the right amount of try-hard. They then discuss how to create more collaborative decisions in relationships. Additional topics include self-motivation and peak performance, working with diverse needs, and diagnostic “scope creep.”

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:05: Am I too preoccupied with self-help and personal growth?

11:20: How do I address my unquenchable thirst for approval?

27:15: How can I tell if I’m actually doing my best?

36:40: How do I advocate for more collaborative decision making with my partner?

54:15: How does the brain’s natural pursuit of novelty balance with its desire for safety?

1:03:30: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.

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