Why We Resist Change (and What to Do About It) with Ross Ellenhorn

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Jul 22, 2025

Ross Ellenhorn, a therapist and author, dives deep into the often-unseen reasons behind our resistance to change. He highlights how small steps can feel overwhelming and explores the paradoxical 'fear of hope' that hinders progress. Listeners gain insight into the six saboteurs of self-control that derail intentions, stressing the importance of social support in overcoming challenges. By emphasizing incremental changes and self-compassion, Ross offers a refreshing perspective on personal transformation and the emotional complexities tied to growth.

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INSIGHT

Sameness Shields From Disappointment

Staying the same feels protective because it shields us from disappointment and feelings of helplessness.
Avoiding change can be a form of self-love to prevent the fear of failing and being seen as incapable.

INSIGHT

Fear of Hope Harms Motivation

Hope is crucial as a mindset to get through uncertainty toward what we desire.
Fear of hope poisons motivation because hope can lead to painful disappointment.

INSIGHT

Change Exposes Aloneness and Accountability

Change exposes our aloneness and forces us to take accountability for our lives.
This existential anxiety makes people avoid change to escape feeling alone and responsible.

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In this episode, Ross Ellenhorn explores the complexities of why we resist change and what to do about it. As Ross explains in this conversation, “staying the same protects you from the insult of small steps.” He shows us why these tiny steps can sometimes feel insulting and demoralizing. Ross also delves into the fear of raising expectations, the pain of disappointment, and why hope itself can feel threatening

Discover the six hidden saboteurs that quietly derail your best intentions—like autopilot behavior, self-doubt, and emotional escape. Download our free guide to uncover what’s getting in your way and learn simple strategies to take back control. Get it now at oneyoufeed.net/ebook.

Key Takeaways:

Psychological concepts related to change, addiction, hope, disappointment, and self-efficacy.
The complexities of addiction and the distinction between harmful behaviors and positive attachments.
The challenges of personal change and the forces that resist it, including fear of disappointment and existential anxiety.
The concept of “fear of hope” and its impact on motivation and willingness to change.
The importance of social support and community in the recovery process.
Critique of current addiction treatment models and the need for a more compassionate, harm reduction approach.
The role of context in shaping an individual’s ability to change and the limitations of individualistic approaches.
The significance of incremental change and the value of small steps in personal growth.
The importance of respecting resistance to change as a form of self-love and preservation.

If you enjoyed this conversation with Ross Ellenhorn, check out these other episodes:

How to Integrate Behavior Change with Your Values with Spencer Greenberg

Tiny Habits for Behavior Change with BJ Fogg

Behavior Change with Dr. John Norcross

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