On Purpose with Jay Shetty Gretchen Rubin ON: How Understanding Your Habits Allows You to Thrive in Work, Love and Life
Jan 11, 2021
Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of "The Happiness Project," shares her wisdom on habits and personality with Jay. She introduces the four personality types—Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels—and how they influence success in work and relationships. Their conversation reveals insights on leveraging personal tendencies to enhance communication, improve productivity, and foster better interpersonal dynamics. Through anecdotes of personal growth, they emphasize the power of self-awareness in navigating life's challenges and defining true desires.
01:06:44
Poker Misconception
- Gretchen Rubin learned to play poker with her family.
- She realized she'd misunderstood poker in movies and books, thinking it was more complex.
Career Switch
- Gretchen Rubin transitioned from law to writing, despite a successful law career.
- Her family supported her risky decision, saying, "You might not hit it out of the park the first time, but you'll get there."
Family Support
- Gretchen Rubin's family encouraged her writing career, even though it was a new start.
- Her father's advice, "You might not hit it out of the park the first time, but you'll get there," was comforting.
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Intro
00:00 • 3min
Navigating Personal Transformation
03:17 • 14min
Understanding Personal Tendencies
17:21 • 7min
Understanding Personality Tendencies for Better Communication
24:41 • 5min
Understanding Motivations Through Different Tendencies
29:12 • 4min
Navigating Career Success Through Personality Types
32:52 • 22min
Understanding Relationships Through Personality
54:47 • 16min
Navigating Desire: Identifying What You Truly Want
01:10:56 • 4min
The four tendencies
Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen Rubin's "The Four Tendencies" introduces a personality framework categorizing individuals into four tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels.
Understanding these tendencies helps explain how people respond to inner and outer expectations, impacting their decision-making, habit formation, and relationships.
The book provides self-assessment tools and practical advice for leveraging each tendency's strengths and navigating its challenges.
It offers insights into personal productivity, communication, and conflict resolution.
Ultimately, it promotes self-awareness and improved relationships.
The Hunger Games
Suzanne Collins
Set in a post-apocalyptic North America known as Panem, The Hunger Games follows Katniss Everdeen, a 16-year-old girl from District 12, who volunteers to participate in the 74th Hunger Games to save her younger sister Prim.
Alongside Peeta Mellark, the other tribute from District 12, Katniss must use her hunting skills and wits to survive the arena.
The Games are a tool of oppression by the Capitol to remind the districts of their defeat in a past rebellion.
As Katniss and Peeta navigate the treacherous arena, they also manipulate the audience and sponsors to gain advantages, while sparking the beginnings of a rebellion against the Capitol's tyrannical rule.
Better Than Before
Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives
Gretchen Rubin
In 'Better Than Before', Gretchen Rubin explores the science and practice of habit formation.
She identifies 21 strategies for making and breaking habits, emphasizing the importance of self-knowledge and tailoring habits to individual personalities.
Rubin categorizes people into four tendencies—Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels—and explains how these tendencies influence habit formation.
The book is filled with practical advice, personal anecdotes, and rigorous research, making it a comprehensive and engaging guide to building happier, stronger, and more productive lives.
Outer Order, Inner Calm
Gretchen Rubin
In 'Outer Order, Inner Calm', Gretchen Rubin argues that an organized space significantly contributes to inner calm and overall happiness.
The book offers over a hundred practical strategies for decluttering and organizing, divided into sections such as 'Make Choices', 'Create Order', 'Know Yourself–and Others', 'Cultivate Helpful Habits', and 'Add Beauty'.
Rubin emphasizes the importance of understanding personal habits and emotional attachments to possessions, and provides manageable steps to create a serene and orderly environment.
By getting rid of unnecessary items, readers can free their minds and shelves for what they truly value, leading to a more controlled, calm, and energetic life.
The Happiness Project
Gretchen Rubin
In 'The Happiness Project', Gretchen Rubin chronicles her year-long journey to enhance her happiness.
Despite having a fulfilling life, Rubin realized she wasn’t focusing enough on her own happiness.
She divided her project into twelve months, each with a different area of focus and specific goals.
From boosting energy and improving her marriage to enhancing her work life and leisure activities, Rubin tested various strategies, including those from Epicurus, Thoreau, and modern scientists.
The book combines historical wisdom, scientific research, and personal anecdotes to provide practical advice on how to make life happier and more fulfilling.
Happier at Home
Gretchen Rubin
In 'Happier at Home', Gretchen Rubin builds on the lessons from her previous book, 'The Happiness Project', by undertaking a new project to make her home a happier place.
Starting in September and continuing through May, Rubin dedicates each month to a different theme, such as possessions, marriage, time, and parenthood.
She experiments with concrete, manageable resolutions to boost her happiness and that of her family.
The book combines memoir, science, philosophy, and experimentation, offering practical tips and insights to help readers find more happiness in their own lives.
Goodnight Moon
Margaret Wise Brown
Goodnight Moon is a timeless children's book written by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Clement Hurd.
The story follows a young bunny as it prepares for bed, saying goodnight to all the objects in its green-walled bedroom.
The book features a rhyming poem and detailed illustrations that capture the bunny's bedtime ritual, gradually transitioning from a lit room to a darkened one as the moon glows outside.
The narrative is simple yet effective, creating a cozy and rhythmic bedtime journey that has delighted children and parents alike for generations.
The book is notable for its focus on the minutiae of a child's surroundings and its ability to induce a sense of comfort and security.
Graceling
The Graphic Novel
Kristin Cashore
Gareth Hinds
Where the Wild Things Are
Maurice Sendak
In this iconic children's book, Max, dressed in his wolf suit, causes chaos at home and is sent to bed without supper.
His bedroom transforms into a jungle, and he sails to an island where he encounters the Wild Things.
Max tames the creatures and becomes their king, but eventually returns home, missing his mother's love.
The book is praised for its honest treatment of children's emotions, particularly anger and the need for parental love.
It has been adapted into a movie and an opera and remains a beloved classic in children's literature.
His Dark Materials
Philip Pullman
Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" is a fantasy trilogy following Lyra Belacqua as she journeys through a parallel universe where humans are accompanied by daemon companions.
The series explores themes of free will, religious dogma, and the nature of truth.
Lyra's adventures involve encounters with witches, armored bears, and other fantastical creatures.
The trilogy's complex plot and philosophical depth have earned it critical acclaim and a devoted following.
Never Split the Difference
Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
Tahl Raz
Chris Voss
VOSS/RAZ
This book, written by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss and co-author Tahl Raz, provides a masterclass in influencing others through negotiation.
It distills the Voss method, revealing skills such as establishing rapport, creating trust with tactical empathy, and transforming conflict into collaboration.
The book is filled with real-life examples from Voss's career, illustrating how these techniques can be applied in both professional and personal life to achieve goals and defuse potential crises.
Think Like A Monk
TRAIN YOUR MIND for PEACE and PURPOSE EVERY DAY
Jay Shetty
In 'Think Like a Monk', Jay Shetty shares his experiences as a monk and provides practical advice on how to overcome negative thoughts, stop overthinking, and find purpose.
The book is divided into three stages: Let Go, Grow, and Serve.
It emphasizes the importance of letting go of distractions and fears, growing through self-reflection and mindfulness, and serving others to find true fulfillment.
Shetty draws on ancient wisdom and his own experiences to offer exercises and advice on reducing stress, improving relationships, and cultivating kindness and compassion.
Seven Silly Eaters
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Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
The Lonely Doll
Dare Wright
The Lonely Doll, first published in 1957, tells the story of Edith, a doll who lives alone until she meets Mr. Bear and Little Bear.
The book explores themes of loneliness, friendship, and the complexities of relationships through innovative photography and simple text.
It has become a beloved children's classic despite some controversy over its depiction of discipline.
Mr. Rabbit and the Lovely Present
Charlotte Zolotow
Maurice Sendak
In this charming tale, a young girl enlists the help of Mr. Rabbit to find a birthday present for her mother.
Together, they explore the woods, learning about colors and selecting fruits that match her mother's favorite hues.
The story is beautifully illustrated by Maurice Sendak and received a Caldecott Honor in 1963.
You love On Purpose because it inspires your life. Have you tried Jay’s Genius workshops and meditations to access even deeper well-being? Learn more at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius
Gretchen is an “Upholder”. She views inner and outer expectations as helpful and ease to maintain. An “Upholder” is one of the four “Rubin Tendencies” outlined in Gretchen Rubin’s book The Four Tendencies.
On this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Jay talks with author and speaker Gretchen Rubin about how understanding your own personality tendency can help you become more successful at work, love and life. Grethcen is the vastly popular author of The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, and The Four Tendencies. Take her Four Tendencies Quiz and let Jay and Gretchen know on Instagram which one you relate to most! PS. Jay is a rebel.
Four Tendencies Quiz!: https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/
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