Mark Goulston from Real Influence shares insights on listening skills: Three-step process to handle venting - frustrations, anger, worries. Techniques from his books 'Real Influence' and 'Just Listen'. Strategies for handling difficult people, setting boundaries, and confronting conflicts. Importance of values, leadership clarity, and supportive networks.
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Quick takeaways
Acknowledge frustration before addressing anger in difficult conversations.
Utilize conversation deepeners like 'say more about' to encourage expression and understanding.
Deep dives
Handling Customer Anger
When faced with an angry customer, it is essential to follow three steps towards resolution. By acknowledging their frustration and allowing them to vent, a constructive dialogue can begin. Encouraging them to express deeper concerns beyond anger can lead to a more meaningful conversation and eventual resolution.
Emotional Abscess Explanation
Comparing emotional venting to draining an abscess, the process involves addressing frustrated, angry, and worried emotions (FAW). Starting with acknowledging frustration before delving into anger can help facilitate a more open and productive conversation.
Techniques for Effective Listening
Utilizing conversation deepeners like asking the individual to 'say more about' emotionally charged words can help them express themselves better. By focusing on their left eye during communication, one can show attentiveness and help individuals feel heard and understood.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
Having a clear understanding of personal principles and values is crucial in handling conflicts effectively. By standing firm on principles of fairness and reasonableness, one can navigate challenging conversations with difficult individuals and maintain a sense of mastery over the situation.
Mark Goulston: Real Influence
Check out Mark’s article on this same topic on the Harvard Business Review blog
Three three-step process that Mark recommended:
1. What are you most frustrated about?
2. What are you most angry about?
3. What are you really worried about?
Here are links to Mark’s books:
Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In
Just Listen
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