Logan Ury, a behavioral scientist and dating coach, dives into the intricacies of modern dating. She shares insights from her book, emphasizing the importance of authenticity in dating profiles. Listeners learn how to shift from seeking the 'perfect' partner to fostering genuine connections. Ury discusses the significance of self-awareness in relationships, offering strategies to enhance communication and intimacy. Plus, she addresses the challenges of navigating dating apps and the need for clarity in intentions, providing valuable tools for potential life partners.
Being open-minded and giving people a chance regardless of superficial factors leads to better dating prospects.
Creating an authentic dating profile that reflects different aspects of your personality and interests is crucial for attracting meaningful connections.
There are dating apps, like Hinge, that prioritize finding meaningful relationships and go beyond superficiality.
Taking action and actively engaging in the dating scene, experimenting with different strategies, and optimizing your profile can enhance your dating experience.
To become a better life partner, focus on self-awareness, communication, boundaries, active listening, and continuous personal growth.
Deep dives
Understanding the three dating tendencies
The podcast episode explores the three dating tendencies: maximizers, hesitators, and romantics. It delves into the concept of unrealistic expectations and how it affects dating prospects. The episode discusses the importance of being open to giving people a chance and not ruling them out based on superficial factors.
Creating an authentic dating profile
The episode emphasizes the importance of creating an authentic dating profile that reflects who you are. It encourages showcasing different aspects of your personality and interests. It suggests using photos and prompts that reflect your independence, social status, and playful side. The episode stresses the value of being upfront about your intentions and what you are looking for in a relationship.
Addressing common objections about dating apps
The episode addresses common objections about dating apps, such as the perception that they are only for hook-ups. It highlights that there are apps, like Hinge, that focus on finding meaningful relationships. The episode also tackles concerns about superficiality on dating apps and encourages users to go beyond looks and focus on genuine connections.
Taking action and optimizing your dating experience
The episode emphasizes the need for taking action and actively engaging in the dating scene. It suggests using dating apps as a tool to meet new people and develop dating skills. The episode recommends experimenting with different strategies, such as optimizing your profile and engaging in meaningful conversations, to enhance your dating experience.
Tips for becoming a better life partner
To become a better life partner, focus on self-awareness and knowing your triggers. Learn how to have hard conversations, set boundaries, and ask for what you need. Practice listening actively and turning towards your partner's bids for connection. Invest in improving your sexual skills and explore resources like books on pleasure and communication. Understand that relationships require growth and change, so be willing to evolve together.
Teaching relationship skills to young people
Relationship skills, including healthy communication, boundaries, consent, and emotional intelligence, should be taught to young people. These skills are essential for building and maintaining successful relationships. Incorporating relationship education into school curricula can help equip young individuals with the knowledge and tools they need for healthy relationships in the future.
Creating great relationships
To create a great relationship, focus on the overall date experience. Prioritize fun and activity-based dates over traditional interview-style encounters. Practice active listening and learn how to communicate effectively. End each date on a positive note. Emphasize loyalty and support in partnerships, as well as continuous personal growth. Be open to change and willing to adapt together as a couple.
Growing together in relationships
Recognize that personal growth and change are inevitable. Regularly check in with your partner through a relationship contract or charter. Discuss expectations, needs, and desires, and revisit these discussions at predetermined intervals. Address issues as they arise to prevent resentment from building. Embrace the reality that relationships go through ups and downs, and commit to evolving together.
Building a Strong Relationship Through Communication and Reflection
One key insight from the podcast episode is the importance of open communication and addressing problems in a relationship. By discussing concerns or issues such as household chores, partners can proactively work on finding solutions and maintaining a balanced dynamic. The use of nonviolent communication techniques can facilitate these discussions and help partners plan for the future. Additionally, regular relationship check-ins, like the relationship review mentioned in the podcast, can provide a structured opportunity for partners to express appreciation, discuss potential improvements, and strengthen their bond.
Finding Growth and Meaning After Adversity
Another significant idea explored in the podcast episode is the potential for personal growth and positive transformations in the face of adversity. The experience of the host's husband battling bone cancer led to changes that enhanced their relationship. The husband's newfound patience, compassion, and grounding enabled a deeper level of connection and trust between the couple. This highlights the importance of embracing challenges and finding meaning in difficult experiences, ultimately leading to personal and relational growth. Victor Frankl's quote, emphasizing the power to choose one's response, encapsulates the idea of using adversity as an opportunity for introspection, self-improvement, and perspective.
Logan Ury is a Behavioural Scientist turned dating coach who recently authored the bestselling book, How to Not Die Alone. Logan’s also the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge where she leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. In our conversation we discuss all things relationships and dating including how to apply behavioural science insights to the world of dating, what makes the perfect date and how to be a better life partner.
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