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Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal
World Expert On Why Perfectionism Is Your Enemy And How To Overcome It - Professor Thomas Curran
Jun 29, 2023
01:38:01
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Quick takeaways
- Perfectionism consists of self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, and other-oriented perfectionism.
- Perfectionism can be detrimental to one's well-being and productivity.
- Perfectionism can be influenced by cultural factors.
- Perfectionists often face challenges in performing to the extent their efforts would suggest.
Deep dives
Different dimensions of perfectionism
Perfectionism consists of self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, and other-oriented perfectionism. Self-oriented perfectionism comes from within and involves setting high standards and being self-critical. Socially prescribed perfectionism stems from the belief that others have high expectations and harshly judge one's performance. Other-oriented perfectionism is when one has high standards for others and tends to be judgmental and critical.
The negative impact of perfectionism
Perfectionism can be detrimental to one's well-being and productivity. It often comes from a sense of deficit, feeling like one is not good enough. Perfectionists strive for flawlessness, but their excessive standards can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and decreased self-esteem. When they inevitably fall short, they may become more self-critical, perpetuating a negative cycle. The strong desire for perfection can hinder progress and lead to a fear of failure, causing individuals to avoid taking risks or pursuing new opportunities.
Perfectionism and its cultural influences
Perfectionism can be influenced by cultural factors. In individualistic cultures, individuals internalize the need to be perfect and place high importance on personal achievements. In collectivist cultures, the pressure to be perfect often comes from societal expectations and the need to meet community standards. Additionally, social factors such as consumer culture, social media, educational systems, and workplace dynamics can contribute to the perpetuation of perfectionistic tendencies.
Perfectionism and its correlation with other traits
Perfectionism is correlated with traits such as neuroticism and conscientiousness. Neuroticism involves anxiety and rumination, which can be heightened in perfectionistic individuals. Conscientiousness includes traits like diligence and perseverance, which may align with certain aspects of perfectionism. Additionally, some individuals may exhibit perfectionism combined with narcissism, where they hold high standards for themselves and others, driven by a grandiose self-perception.
The Struggles of Perfectionists in Performance
Perfectionists often face challenges in performing to the extent their efforts would suggest. They tend to work too hard, sacrificing rejuvenating activities like sleep, diet, and exercise. This can lead to burnout and a decline in performance. Additionally, perfectionists find it difficult to handle setbacks or failures. They feel ashamed and embarrassed, leading to a drop in effort and fear of trying again. In real life, this can manifest as procrastination and avoidance of anxiety-provoking tasks. Accepting failure and practicing self-compassion are crucial in overcoming perfectionism.
Breaking Free from Perfectionism
It is important to appreciate that perfectionism is not entirely our fault. Societal and cultural structures perpetuate feelings of deficiency, driving us to constantly strive for more. Recognizing this broader context can help alleviate the pressure to be perfect. Cultivating self-acceptance and self-compassion is key in challenging perfectionistic tendencies. Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding after setbacks can help break the cycle of self-criticism. It is also important to challenge the notion that failure is shameful. Failure is a natural part of growth and human development, and reframing our relationship with failure can lead to personal growth and increased resilience.
Navigating Social Media and Perfectionism
Social media can be a powerful tool for connecting and building communities, but it can also contribute to feelings of inadequacy. Recognizing that social media is primarily an advertising platform is important in managing its impact on perfectionism. Engaging with social media in a way that fosters offline relationships and focuses on shared interests can be beneficial. Educating ourselves and young people about the influence of social media and promoting healthy use is also crucial in navigating its potential negative effects.
The Pitfalls of an Overemphasized Growth Mindset
While growth is important, an overemphasized growth mindset can lead to perfectionistic tendencies. The pressure to constantly grow and improve can be overwhelming and may not allow for acceptance and self-compassion. Recognizing that setbacks and regression are a normal part of life is important in finding balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance. Setting flexible goals and being comfortable with uncertainty can help individuals break free from the rigid expectations of a growth-centric mindset.
Most of us know perfectionism as the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, our fatal flaw of having a constant need to meet impossibly high standards. It's a trait that many of us strive for, believing that it will lead to success and happiness. But what if I told you that this concept of perfectionism as we know it isn’t the full picture? And the badge of honour we think perfectionists wear is one big misconception. Today I’m joined by Professor Thomas Curran, an Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychological and Behavioural Science at the London School of Economics. With over a decade of experience, Professor Curran is a world leading expert on perfectionism. He has written for the Harvard Business Review, New Scientist, The Guardian, Telegraph and Wall Street Journal. In 2018, he gave a TEDMED talk which has over 3 million views and earlier this month he published his book The Perfection Trap: The Power of Good Enough in a world that always wants more’. In the conversation we talk about the paradoxical effects of perfectionism, how our perfectionistic traits stem from a cultural obsession rather than a personal flaw and shows what we can do as individuals to resist the modern-day pressure to be perfect - and how we can create a culture that celebrates the joys of imperfection.
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Creators & Guests
- Amber Baxter-Clarke - Producer
- Ali Abdaal - Host
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