#363: Tea Time with Tim — How to Find Mentors, Decrease Anxiety Through Training, and Much More

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Mar 11, 2019

In this lively Q&A, insightful discussions cover finding mentors and the deeper meanings in life. Strategies for managing anxiety, especially in high-pressure situations, are shared, along with humorously mixed values through cocktails. The challenges of navigating relationships, emotional sensitivity, and personal growth in your late twenties also take center stage. With a focus on confidence-building and effective communication, listeners receive valuable life advice and practical techniques to enhance their everyday experiences.

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volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Finding Mentors Indirectly

Avoid directly asking someone to be your mentor.
Instead, offer value without asking for favors in return.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Networking through Volunteering

Volunteer for organizations relevant to your target mentor's field.
Overperform in your volunteer role to gain more responsibility and exposure.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Asking Effective Questions

When asking for advice, demonstrate prior effort.
Show what you've already tried and propose a plan.

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Q&A Session on Mentorship, Anxiety, and Life Advice

04:02 • 2min

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Navigating Mentorship Effectively

06:29 • 27min

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Conquering Anxiety in High-Pressure Tests

33:36 • 22min

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Mixing Values and Creativity: A Cocktail Conversation

55:06 • 3min

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Navigating Uncertainty in Your Late Twenties

58:28 • 17min

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Navigating Emotional Sensitivity in Relationships

01:15:44 • 22min

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Reflections on Communication and Weekly Enlightenment

01:38:07 • 5min

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Transforming Home Workouts with Personalized Cycling

The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch introduces a powerful paradigm that suggests 80% of our outcomes result from just 20% of our efforts. The book explains how this principle, also known as the Pareto Principle, can be applied in various aspects of life and business to increase effectiveness and efficiency. Koch provides practical examples and strategies for identifying and focusing on the most impactful 20% of efforts to achieve significant results with minimal time and resources. The book emphasizes the importance of concentrating on high-impact activities and eliminating or outsourcing less important tasks to enhance productivity and happiness.

Don't Shoot the Dog

Karen Pryor

In 'Don't Shoot the Dog,' Karen Pryor explains the underlying principles of behavioral training and how these can be applied to various common situations. The book covers topics such as reinforcement, shaping, and stimulus control, and provides eight methods for ending undesirable behavior. Pryor emphasizes the use of positive reinforcement, illustrating its effectiveness through examples involving animals like dolphins, dogs, and cats, as well as human behavior. The book is known for its clear and entertaining explanation, making it accessible to a broad audience and offering practical advice on training without the use of force, punishment, or guilt trips.

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Dale Carnegie

In 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living', Dale Carnegie provides a set of practical formulas and techniques to help readers overcome their worry habits. The book, first published in 1948, has been updated and remains highly relevant today. It offers advice on how to eliminate business and financial worries, avoid fatigue, improve sleep, and cultivate a mental attitude that brings peace and happiness. Carnegie's approach includes rules such as living in 'day-tight compartments', accepting the worst-case scenario, and keeping busy to crowd out worry. The book is filled with inspiring examples and stories of people who have successfully applied these principles to achieve a more enjoyable and fulfilling life.

Man's Search for Meaning

Viktor Frankl

The book is divided into two parts. The first part recounts Frankl's harrowing experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz, between 1942 and 1945. He describes the inhumane conditions and the psychological and emotional struggles of the prisoners. The second part introduces Frankl's theory of logotherapy, which posits that the primary human drive is the search for meaning, rather than pleasure. Frankl argues that meaning can be found through three main avenues: work (doing something significant), love (caring for another), and suffering (finding meaning in one's own suffering). The book emphasizes the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, even in the most adverse conditions, as a key factor in survival and personal growth.

The third door

Alex Banayan

In 'The Third Door,' Alex Banayan takes readers on an adventure as he tracks down and interviews icons such as Bill Gates, Maya Angelou, Steve Wozniak, Jane Goodall, and many more. The book highlights the common thread among these successful individuals: they all took the 'Third Door,' an unconventional route to success that involves persistence, creativity, and sometimes unorthodox methods. Banayan's journey and the lessons he learned provide inspiration and practical advice for achieving one's biggest goals and transforming one's life.

Awareness

a de Mello spirituality conference in his own words

Anthony de Mello

In 'Awareness', Anthony de Mello combines Christian spirituality, Buddhist parables, Hindu breathing exercises, and psychological insight to challenge readers to wake up from the go-go-go world of illusion. The book, composed of short chapters and lectures, encourages readers to become aware of their thoughts, actions, and motivations. De Mello argues that true happiness and freedom come from dropping illusions and living in the present, free from the constructs of culture, conditioning, and fear. He emphasizes the need to observe oneself, understand negative feelings, and practice detachment to achieve a more authentic and fulfilling life.

The five love languages

singles edition

Gary Chapman

In this book, Dr. Gary Chapman outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which he calls 'love languages'. By learning these languages, individuals can discover their unique love languages and those of their loved ones, leading to deeper and richer levels of intimacy. The book includes practical steps and a love language assessment to help strengthen relationships. It emphasizes that people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive it, and understanding these differences can improve communication and relationship satisfaction.

Nonviolent Communication

A Language of Life

Marshall B. Rosenberg

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a framework created by Marshall Rosenberg that aims to enhance communication by promoting compassion and empathy. The book outlines a four-step process for effective communication: observing what is happening without judgment, identifying and expressing feelings, recognizing and articulating needs, and making clear requests. Rosenberg emphasizes the importance of separating observations from evaluations to avoid defensiveness and promote genuine human connections. The book includes practical exercises, role-plays, and real-life examples to illustrate how NVC can be applied in various relationships and situations, including personal, professional, and conflict resolution contexts. It also discusses how NVC can help in developing self-compassion and resolving conflicts by focusing on the underlying needs rather than the actions that trigger emotions.

Welcome to a special episode called Tea Time with Tim, in which I solicited phone numbers and called a handful of you to field any questions that you might have.

Among other topics, we discuss:

How to go about finding a mentor.
The meaning of life.
How to extinguish anxiety.
Cocktails.
Relationship advice.
Training into confidence.

Without further ado, please enjoy this tea-fueled Q&A!

Click here for the show notes for this episode.

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This podcast is also brought to you by WordPress, my go-to platform for 24/7-supported, zero downtime blogging, writing online, creating websites — everything! I love it to bits, and the lead developer, Matt Mullenweg, has appeared on this podcast many times.

Whether for personal use or business, you're in good company with WordPress, which used by The New Yorker, Jay Z, Beyonce, FiveThirtyEight, TechCrunch, TED, CNN, and Time, just to name a few. A source at Google told me that WordPress offers "the best out-of-the-box SEO imaginable," which is probably why it runs nearly 30% of the Internet. Go to WordPress.com/Tim to get 15% off your website today!

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Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.

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