How to Build Deeper Intimacy and Love Better with Dr. Laura Berman
Feb 26, 2025
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Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex, love, and relationship therapist, shares her expertise on enhancing intimacy and love. She discusses the three layers of intimacy and the vital need for authenticity in relationships. Berman delves into the impact of grief on intimacy and explains how to overcome emotional barriers for better sex. The conversation highlights the difference between self-worth and self-esteem, while providing insights on removing shame from sexual experiences. She emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and personal growth in building deeper connections.
Developing deeper intimacy requires understanding the three layers of intimacy, combining emotional connection with physical expression, and fostering vulnerability.
Embracing one's authentic self enhances relationship dynamics, enabling genuine emotional and physical intimacy despite societal pressures to conform.
Engaging with grief can lead to profound personal transformation, allowing individuals to rebuild their identities and strengthen current relationships.
Deep dives
The Power of Energetic Frequencies
The concept of energetic frequencies emphasizes that sexual pleasure, particularly orgasm, is the highest frequency the body can experience. By setting specific intentions during these moments, individuals can amplify their energy and influence their surrounding environment through what is described as the quantum field. This underscores the interconnectedness of attraction and energetic resonance between individuals, suggesting that our personal frequencies can shape how others respond to us. As a result, understanding and harnessing one’s energetic state can lead to a more profound impact on personal interactions and relationships.
Understanding Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is often misunderstood, with men typically associating it solely with physical acts of sex, while women view it through the lens of emotional connection and closeness. Achieving both forms of intimacy requires vulnerability, self-awareness, and the ability to express desires and needs clearly. A strong foundation in one’s physical and emotional well-being, including body image and fitness, also plays a crucial role in fostering intimacy. This highlights the importance of being grounded in one’s identity and understanding oneself to build deeper connections with partners.
Authenticity in Relationships
Being one’s authentic self is essential for cultivating genuine emotional and physical intimacy in relationships. Often, societal pressures compel individuals to conform to specific molds, hindering natural expression and vulnerability. Embracing authenticity, despite potential fears of rejection, fosters deeper connections and can lead to unexpected and beautiful relationships. Sharing one’s true self can ease the path to love and acceptance, allowing for healthier and more sustained intimacy with partners.
The Role of Childhood Experiences in Relationships
Many emotional barriers in adult relationships stem from unresolved childhood traumas and experiences. These formative experiences shape individuals' perceptions of love, self-worth, and connection, often leading them to seek approval through accomplishments rather than inherent worth. Understanding these psychological origins helps individuals navigate their current relationship dynamics and ensures they attract partners who reflect healthier emotional states. By acknowledging and addressing these underlying issues, one can foster healthier relationship patterns and emotional resilience.
Healing Through Grief and Transformation
Grief can serve as a significant catalyst for transformation and emotional healing, allowing individuals to reconstruct their sense of self after loss. Engaging deeply with grief, rather than avoiding it, leads to a profound understanding of one's emotions and connections. Recognizing that energy can never be destroyed, individuals can maintain relationships with loved ones who have passed on, fostering continuing bonds through energetic connections. This perspective emphasizes that active engagement with grief can lead to healing and personal growth, creating a stronger foundation for current relationships.
This week on the second installment of our How To Series, Kristen Holmes, WHOOP Global Head of Human Performance, Principal Scientist sits down with Dr. Laura Berman. Dr. Laura Berman is a sex, love, and relationship therapist with double Master’s degrees and a PhD from NYU. In her 30 years of practice, Laura has been on a mission to help people improve relationships and sex lives. Her perspective on therapy is one that focuses on mind-body connection as well as a spiritual perspective. Dr. Laura Berman is a columnist for USA Today, New York Times best-selling author, having written 9 books. She was a resident relationship expert on and has had multiple television shows on Oprah Winfrey's network, OWN. Dr. Laura Berman received her undergraduate degree from the University of Vermont, Master’s degree in clinical social work from NYU, and doctorate in health education with a specialty in human sexuality from NYU. She also completed a training fellowship in sexual therapy at NYU Medical Center Department of Psychiatry.
On today’s episode, Kristen and Dr. Laura Berman discuss the three layers of intimacy (00:33), cracking the code on identifying your authentic self (03:53), the important obstacles to overcome to have better sex (08:13), Emotional avoidance in atheltes (09:57), understanding self-worth versus self-esteem (12:38), how to remove shame from sex (12:38), how grief can have an effect on intimacy (16:28), and breaking down spiritual barriers to help your sex life (16:28). Dr. Laura Berman presents the importance of maintaining integrity in your energy (37:58), how to overcome your traumas and triggers to unlock this energy (47:56), how HRV and energy frequency are related (52:39), and how dating has changed in the digital age (54:43). Kristen and Dr. Laura Berman close out the episode with highlighting the 3 foundations to build a solid sex life (1:05:02) and Dr. Berman’s tools to help emotional intimacy (1:07:21).