Episode #119: 6 Steps to Stop Self-Sabotage, how to Identify the triggers to self-sabotage that are unique to you + tips to deal with loss and grief with Dr. Judy Ho
Jan 9, 2020
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Dr. Judy Ho, a neuropsychologist and co-host of CBS’s The Doctors, discusses self-sabotage and how to prevent it. Topics include modifying thoughts and behaviors, identifying triggers unique to you, unlocking willpower, dealing with grief, distress tolerance, and the role of community. The six steps to stop self-sabotage are also discussed, along with the concept of failure to launch syndrome in younger generations.
Recognizing and addressing underlying drivers is crucial in overcoming self-sabotaging behavior.
Embracing grief and recognizing it as a reflection of profound love and attachment can be transformative.
Shifting the focus from goal-oriented thinking to values-based living is essential in overcoming self-sabotage.
Deep dives
Self-Sabotage and the Importance of Values
Self-sabotage occurs when individuals get in their own way, hindering their progress despite having good intentions or goals. It often stems from factors such as low self-concept, internalized beliefs, fear of change, and excessive need for control. Recognizing and addressing these underlying drivers is crucial in overcoming self-sabotaging behavior. One effective approach involves embracing awareness of one's thoughts and identifying patterns of rumination, negative thinking, or catastrophizing. Interventions, like cognitive-behavioral techniques, aim to modify unhelpful thoughts or reframe them while also acknowledging the acceptance and diffusion of negative thoughts as temporary events. Additionally, values-based living plays a vital role as individuals align their goals with their core values, focusing not on extrinsic achievements but on intrinsic growth and fulfillment. Embracing failures and setbacks as part of the learning process and valuing personal development over external validation contribute to resilience and long-lasting positive change.
Embracing Grief and Understanding Emotions
Grief is often a complex emotion that can lead to self-sabotaging behavior if not properly addressed. Many individuals fear or avoid grief due to its unpredictable nature, its association with negative emotions, and societal pressures to always display positivity. However, embracing grief and recognizing it as a reflection of profound love and attachment can be transformative. Developing distress tolerance skills, such as riding the wave of negative emotions without resisting or fighting them, can be beneficial. Importantly, individuals can also challenge the societal pressure to constantly seek only positive emotions, understanding that both positive and negative emotions are an inherent part of the human experience. By accepting the natural ebb and flow of emotions and practicing self-compassion, individuals can navigate grief and other challenging emotions more effectively and authentically.
Shifting from Goals to Values-Based Living
Shifting the focus from goal-oriented thinking to values-based living is essential in overcoming self-sabotage. In a society driven by external achievements and constant comparison, many individuals struggle to identify their core values and end up pursuing superficial goals influenced by societal expectations. Values, on the other hand, are deeply rooted principles that shape one's identity and provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Recognizing and embracing personal values require self-reflection and introspection, as they differ for each individual. Goals should then be aligned with these values rather than pursued for the sake of validation or conformity. Acknowledging failures as part of the journey and fostering resilience through a values-centered mindset allow for sustainable growth, genuine motivation, and a more fulfilling life.
Changing Negative Emotions by Imagining Them as People
Imagining negative emotions as people can help reduce their intensity and make them feel more manageable. By treating negative emotions as external entities and giving them characteristics, individuals can detach themselves from these emotions, making them feel less overwhelming. This technique has been found to be particularly effective in managing grief, as it allows individuals to physically separate themselves from the pain and examine it objectively. Rather than waiting for the grief to pass, this approach encourages individuals to actively cope with and manage their emotions in the present moment.
The Power of Connection and Values-Based Living
Maintaining connections with others and living according to one's values are crucial in improving mental well-being. People who are in the midst of negative emotions, such as depression or grief, tend to isolate themselves and become self-centered. However, reaching out to others and engaging in acts of kindness and community involvement can help lift individuals out of the negative emotions. This is especially important in individualistic societies where there is a greater emphasis on personal achievement and success. By shifting the focus towards communal well-being and connecting with others, individuals can find a sense of purpose, meaningfulness, and support in their lives, which aids in their own healing and resilience.
In this episode I sit down with Dr. Judy Ho, a Triple Board Certified Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist and Co-Host of CBS’s The Doctors and a tenured professor at Pepperdine.We discuss why humans are predisposed to self-sabotage, how to modify thoughts and behaviors to prevent self-sabotage from occurring, how to identify the triggers to self-sabotage that are unique to you, how to unlock your willpower to stop this vicious cycle in its track, how to deal with grief, and so much more! For more info on Dr. Judy visit: https://www.drjudyho.com/ You can order her book here: https://www.drjudyho.com/stop-self-sabotage And follow her on social media: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjudyho/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doctorjudyho Twitter: https://twitter.com/drjudyho Additional resources: SWITCH app: https://theswitch.app Join my January 21 Day Brain Detox Challenge! For more into and to sign up visit: https://drleaf.com/pages/21-day-brain-detox-challenge Visit my website at drleaf.com for more resources, tips, and tools to help you improve and heal your mental health! And be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter to get even more mental self-care tips delivered to your inbox weekly and to see my upcoming events (you can sign up at drleaf.com!) Special offers from our sponsors: Joovv: For more info on Joovv and to get your special offer go to: www.joovv.com/drleaf Four Sigmatic: Get 15% off at https://us.foursigmatic.com/mushroom/all-products?discount=DRLEAF&afmc=DRLEAF&utm_campaign=DRLEAF&utm_medium=partner&utm_source=podcast&utm_content=DRLEAF&utm_term= or use coupon code DRLEAF at checkout Superfat: Get 15% off your entire order at https://www.superfat.com and use code DRLEAF at checkout. If you enjoyed this episode please leave a review on iTunes, Google Play, or wherever you are listening! And don't forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends and family! I love seeing your posts on social media! For podcast sponsorship inquiries, questions regarding the episode, or topic suggestions please email dominique@drleaf.com
