The Kink Consultant

Why is it so hard to talk about sex, even with people we trust? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by Tess and Kels, co-founders of Squirm and co-hosts of the Porn Nerds podcast, to explore how we can make sex ed not just informative but also sexy, playful, and actually useful.We dive into their journey from coworkers to creative collaborators, their mission to destigmatize conversations about porn and desire, and how they built Squirm as a space where adult sex ed meets humor, eroticism, and real communication. From their audio course Oral Hygiene to their Get Squirmy card deck and live events, Tess and Kels are helping people go beyond shame and speak about sex with clarity, confidence, and creativity.Whether you’ve struggled to talk about what turns you on, want to bring more curiosity into your kink conversations, or simply wish porn had a better PR team, this episode will expand your vocabulary, your imagination, and your confidence in navigating communication around sex, BDSM, and desire.Get 20% off of the Get Squirmy Conversation Deck when you use the code: KINKCONSULTANThttps://www.getsquirmy.com/product-page/get-squirmyEpisode Highlights: 03:45 Introducing Squirm: Sex Ed for Adults06:32 The Concept of Sexy Sex Ed17:23 The Role of Porn in Sex Education21:52 Contextualizing Media and Reality25:20 Porn as a Tool for Sexual Exploration27:06 Navigating Sexual Communication36:45 Exploring the Get Squirmy EventsConnect with Tess and Kels https://linktr.ee/squirmConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Join Aubrey Aust, a Master's student at NYU specializing in relational safety, as she dives into the world of power dynamics, attachment styles, and BDSM. Aubrey explains how kink can illuminate vulnerability and consent in ways mainstream relationships often overlook. She discusses the importance of curiosity in examining ingrained patterns, the role of somatic psychology in understanding our bodies' signals, and how negotiating power dynamics fosters safety. This conversation offers profound insights into building healthier connections and understanding our relational wiring.

Ever wondered what it’s like to be the face and body on the cover of your favorite romance novel? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with real-life couple Jose and Andrea (aka Mama) to talk about what it’s like to build a modeling career out of smut, how kink became part of their dynamic, and the power of being seen, desired, and fully expressed.We dive into how Mama helped launch Jose’s modeling and acting career, what it means to embody fantasy for an audience while staying grounded in real-life connection, and how kink helped deepen their intimacy after decades together. From daddy/little dynamics to caretaking, long-distance journaling, and the gift of growing older while still exploring, this conversation is equal parts sexy, sweet, and deeply affirming.Whether you’ve ever dreamed of being on a book cover, or you’re just curious what it’s like behind the scenes of a real-life smut model relationship, this one’s for you.Episode Highlights: 01:01 From Childhood Friends to Lifelong Partners05:53 Transitioning from Military to Modeling12:02 Exploring Romance Novels Together14:31 Opening Up About Desires21:59 Navigating Book Conventions32:35 Balancing Personal and Couple Growth36:10 Jose's Journey into Acting39:45 Advice for Aspiring Cover ModelsConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Join The Kinky Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membershipSpeak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Sir Marvelous, a professional dominator and pleasure coach, shares insights into the world of BDSM and power dynamics. He emphasizes the difference between dominance and leadership, highlighting the importance of communication and ongoing negotiation in kink. Marvelous explores the intersection of pleasure and personal growth, discussing techniques like edging and psychological play. He also delves into the significance of curiosity and experimentation in relationships, urging listeners to invest in their pleasure and explore new experiences together.

My favorite kink singer-songwriter needs our help. Deore, the incredible artist behind the Brat EP, is back and this time, she’s gearing up to release a full-length concept album called Tantrums. But in true brat fashion, she’s doing it her way: no label, no safety net, and fully trusting her kinky, ride-or-die community to bring it to life.In this episode of The Kink Consultant, we talk about what it means to quit your job, follow your creative calling, and make music that actually reflects the reality of kink. Deore opens up about writing Tantrums from scratch, navigating service sub dynamics while in creative mode, and the very bratty legal battle over a coffee ban that had all of Instagram in stitches. We also get into how kink shows up in her relationship, how her Dom evolved alongside her, and why the idea of “ready-made” Doms is a myth.If you’e also craving for more kinky music or just want to support someone making wildly accurate, emotionally raw bangers about submission, dominance, and desire, this is the episode (and the crowdfund) to show up for. Head to Indiegogo and search Tantrums to support the album before time runs out.Support The Album Here: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/tantrums-a-kinky-concept-album#/Connect with Deore: https://www.instagram.com/deorebby/Episode Highlights: 01:44 The Journey of Creating the Brat Album09:20 The Kink Council and Coffee Ban Saga21:11 Challenges in Music Production21:42 Overcoming Vulnerability and Trust Issues24:18 Crowdfunding and Community Support26:31 Kink and Relationship Dynamics28:52 The Role of Media in Kink Exploration34:39 Upcoming Album and Crowdfunding DetailsConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠I’m Co-Authoring a Book! Get updated here: https://www.complicatedpleasures.caSpeak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What happens when a self-proclaimed vanilla romance lover brings a spicy book to The Kink Consultant for a breakdown?In this episode, I’m joined by Brenda (my Bizdom) and Tish (my podcast editor and first-time guest) as we kick off the official Kink Consultant Book Club with a deep dive into The Deep End by Ali Hazelwood, plus a quick update on my own dating life. I share my take on the book through the lens of a kink consultant and why the story felt a little too close to home. Because while we were reading about a dom who disappears for days and a sub who doesn’t speak up for what she needs, I was ending a real-life relationship that unraveled for the exact same reason: lack of communication. The timing couldn’t have been more aligned.We explore the difference between fantasy and functional dynamics, how kink is portrayed in books versus how it plays out in real life, and why honest communication will always be hotter than skipping straight to the sex.If you’ve ever read a spicy scene and thought, “Wait… is this how it actually works?” or you’re curious about how kink and power exchange show up beyond the page, this one’s for you.Episode Highlights: 04:21 Discussing 'The Deep End' by Ali Hazelwood11:01 Amanda's Relationship Update15:09 Navigating Kink and Communication in Relationships19:03 Cultural Differences in Communication20:44 The Importance of Communication in Kink25:32 Sexual vs. Non-Sexual Kinks30:29 Fantasy vs. Reality in Kink35:29 Final Thoughts on 'The Deep End'36:32 Join the Kink Consultant Book ClubJoin the Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membershipRead Deep End by Ali Hazelwood: https://amzn.to/43PFYiYConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Explore the intriguing dynamics of a relationship centered around a shared spanking fetish. Discover how Kai and Sarah transitioned from long-distance play partners to a deeply connected couple, building trust and communication. They delve into daily rituals, alternative punishments, and the importance of community in enhancing their dynamic. The conversation touches on vulnerability, navigating play with others, and the significance of establishing rules and rituals. Their journey highlights that intimacy can flourish through shared desires and healthy boundaries.

Discover the journey of Kai and Sarah as they confront the challenges of suppressing their spanking fetish. They share stories of past relationships that lacked essential chemistry, the importance of community, and how they discovered fulfillment through each other. Their conversation dives deep into the emotional costs of hiding one’s identity and the courageous steps they took to align their lives with their true selves. This compelling discussion offers hope and validation for anyone navigating the complexities of identity and kink.

In this engaging conversation, Larah Sky, a content creator, dominatrix, and fetish educator, dives into the fascinating world of chastity and power dynamics. She explains why chastity resonates with many and discusses the psychology of denial. Larah shares her experiences with virtual chastity and the emotional complexities of online power exchanges. The discussion also touches on the balance of authenticity in content creation and the challenges of managing fan expectations, all wrapped in her unique take on dominance and submission.

What actually happens when you walk away from a BDSM dynamic that no longer works, and end up with someone who still can’t meet your needs, even after you’ve communicated them clearly, more than once? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with Brenda (aka my BizDom) to share an honest and frustrating update on my dating life.I talk about why I chose to leave a partner who understood my kinks but lacked consistency, and how I entered a new connection with someone who seemed open to kink but has shown little interest in learning more. To make things harder, consistent communication has become its own challenge, despite multiple conversations about what I need.Whether you’ve been here yourself or are trying to avoid this cycle altogether, this episode offers a real look at the emotional toll of unmet needs, the importance of follow-through, and what it takes to stop settling for almost. Tune in for a candid conversation, some hard truths, and the kind of perspective that might just help you reset your own standards.Episode Highlights: 01:48 BDSM Contract and Breakup03:30 Dating and Political Differences20:44 Navigating New Relationships22:36 Recognizing Dominant Traits23:14 Spanking Fetish and Boundaries26:46 Communication Struggles28:43 Feeling Unseen and Unheard31:20 Reflecting on Compatibility36:26 Bridget Jones Comparison44:07 Setting Boundaries and Moving ForwardConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.Keywords: dating while kinky, bdsm dating dynamics, friends with benefits breakup, kink consultant podcast, emotional needs in relationships, bdsm communication, kink compatibility, dating red flags, how to talk about kink, bdsm and emotional connection, kink podcast, dating update podcast, dating someone who won’t communicate, unmet needs in relationships, breaking up with fwb, when kink isn’t enough, sex-positive podcast, kink and modern dating, effort in relationships, why communication matters, Dominant and submissive, Dom, sub