back from the borderline
mollie adler
I don’t want to talk to your personality; I want to talk to your soul. Imagine if your most painful and debilitating mental health symptoms and self-sabotaging behaviors aren’t evidence of 'disorder' or 'dysfunction', but adaptive strategies that once kept you safe. My goal is to help you shift from asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘What happened to me?’The word ‘borderline’ in this podcast has nothing to do with psychiatric labels. It has everything to do with coming back from the inner psychological brink we all experience. Everyone has found themselves on the edge, in that liminal space where the old self falls apart and the new Self emerges. Here, we explore what it means to undergo true emotional alchemy: that ancient and primordial process of falling apart, confronting the underworld of our psyche, and falling back together into someone stronger, wiser, and more whole.Many highly sensitive people who identify with the seemingly never-ending list of diagnostic mental health labels contained within ‘the bible of psychiatry’ (the DSM) share the same underlying sense of being irreparably broken, disconnected from their intuition, and paralyzed by life’s existential questions. I believe the resulting—and perfectly understandable—chronic feelings of emptiness and spiritual starvation are the TRUE causes of our current collective ‘mental health crisis.’Together, we’ll dive into depth psychology, mythology, human consciousness, critical psychiatry, and the impact of trauma to help you begin the process of emotional alchemy. This exploration will help you get to the root cause of your suffering and free yourself from the toxic shame, limiting beliefs, and mental programming that have kept you locked in the chains of your past.In an era where mental health and spirituality are too often commercialized, I’m not here as a guru with a quick fix to sell you. I don’t believe anyone is ever truly ‘healed’ or ‘cured.’ There is no return to some mythical state of pre-trauma purity, but rather a continuous spiral of unbecoming, unlearning, and transformation. As a fellow seeker, I will be there in your ear, walking alongside you on your path toward wholeness as a sort of parasocial big sister. That, I can promise.By integrating the concepts we explore together, you’ll begin to see that anyone—even you—can come back from the borderline.CRAVING MORE? Visit backfromtheborderline.com to dive into my universe, connect with me, access my Patreon, and discover more about my journey and work. Don’t forget to follow Back from the Borderline so new episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays automatically drop into your podcast feed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Aug 18, 2023 • 22min
the repressed anger to manipulation pipeline (free preview)
In this laid-back episode, grab a matcha latte with me and settle in as we explore how unresolved childhood anger and trauma can shape the way we communicate and express our needs. Drawing on insights from somatic experiencing work, I unpack how suppressed anger often resurfaces in adolescence through "acting out" behaviors, leading many of us to adopt unhealthy patterns like manipulation and deception to feel seen and heard.But here’s the pivotal realization: these shadow tendencies may have served a purpose once, but they don’t need to define us. By bringing these hidden aspects into the light, we can recognize that these self-sabotaging habits are no longer necessary. This episode is all about discovering how to voice our needs in healthy, direct ways, moving away from reactive behavior and embracing communication that’s rooted in authenticity, integrity, and self-respect.Topics Explored in This Episode:How suppressed childhood anger shapes communication patterns in adolescenceThe link between emotional repression and “acting out” behaviorsHow manipulation and deceit arise as coping strategiesUncovering shadow aspects and breaking the cycle of self-sabotageMoving toward authentic self-expression and voicing needs with integrityWhether you’re on a journey to improve your relationships, strengthen your self-awareness, or just want to understand the roots of your own behaviors, this episode provides practical insights and grounding techniques to help you reconnect with your true voice.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.GET 20% OFF ON YOUR FIRST ORDER FROM SOMMAR PRINTS WITH THE CODE "BFTB" [click here] or visit sommarprints.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Aug 15, 2023 • 1h 37min
shame series part 8: religious trauma, rigid sex roles and cultural suppression of emotion
This episode is the eighth and final installment of our multi-episode series, aiming to guide you in alchemizing and transmuting your toxic shame. Discover the insidious nature of toxic shame and its potential role as the root cause behind our ongoing suffering and emotional turmoil. At the core of self-sabotage, toxic shame leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Learn how internalized toxic shame manifests uniquely in individuals, evident through feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability, struggles with intimacy, boundary challenges, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability. TIME STAMPS: 00:00 – 11:45: How “underworld experiences” can help bring us closer towards healing11:45 – 25:05: Understanding the connection between religious trauma and toxic shame25:05 – 29:41: The denial of secondary causality as the insidious and toxically shaming distortion of many religions29:07 – 32:55: Spiritual bypassing and how religion is used to deny or suppress “bad” emotions32:55 – 36:32: Religious addiction and perfectionism as mediated by psychological inflexibility40:09 – 49:34: Healing toxic shame when it has become a cultural norm (how shame is baked into our modern culture)49:28 – 01:03:05: How rigid sex roles foster the development of internalized toxic shame01:03:05 – 01:08:25: The impact of mass cultural denial and suppression of emotion01:08:25 – 01:17:38: Healing from toxic shame (a starting point) PREMIUM PORTION: 01:19:10 – 01:27:44: Listener question from Amy (what to do when you’re buried in toxic shame)01:27:09 – 01:39:54: Listener question from Teresa (dealing with splitting, overthinking and PMS in a new relationship)01:39:54 – 01:54:34: Listener question from Gia (can you be TOO self-aware?)01:54:34 – 02:01:57: Outro + premium submarine updates and reflectionsCraving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Aug 12, 2023 • 35min
the dystopian "NPC" TikTok trend is melting our brains
I typically refrain from commenting on trending topics, but I found myself unable to resist discussing this particular one. An unusual (to say the least) TikTok trend has emerged, where users live-stream themselves portraying an “NPC”—essentially an automated “non-player character” with pre-written dialogue. This includes uttering nonsensical phrases like “ice cream so good” in response to gifts from their audience. This trend is spreading rapidly and leaving many of us utterly perplexed. NPCs, or “non-player characters,” are common elements within various video games. These characters aren't under the player's control but engage with players through predetermined dialogue to drive the storyline. The mechanical demeanor of these characters has led to comparisons, inspiring the name of the TikTok NPC trend. In this episode, I'll share my perspective on this trend through my personal experiences, having been involved in sex work and online streaming previously. Is this all harmless entertainment, or does it highlight a more significant concern where we willingly commodify ourselves for financial gain? How far will we allow this to go? Join me as I delve into this dystopian scenario. Topics explored and questions answered in this episode: ★ What is an NPC?★ What is the NPC meme and how and when did it begin trending? ★ What is the NPC trend on TikTok?★ What is NPC streaming and how much do NPC streamers make?★ What impact does this robotic trend-following behavior have on us as a collective? ★ Does social media make it easier for us to dehumanize one another?★ How in the hell do we make our way out of this dystopian nightmare? Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Aug 8, 2023 • 1h 48min
shame series part 7: unmet childhood needs, perfectionism, and public shaming
Toxic shame and its effects on emotional turmoil and self-sabotage. Unmet childhood needs and the impact on adulthood. Abandonment and enmeshment in dysfunctional family systems. Understanding internalized toxic shame. Toxic shame as forced perfectionism in school systems. Peer shaming in childhood. Devastating impact of online public shaming and cancel culture. Toxic shame perpetuated by religion and culture. Importance of not rushing the healing process. Personal story of drunken encounter with the police. Shame and consequences of sleeping with people in relationships.
Aug 1, 2023 • 1h 34min
shame series part 6: toxic shame in the aftermath of sexual and physical abuse
Discover the insidious nature of toxic shame and its potential role as the root cause behind our ongoing suffering and emotional turmoil. At the core of self-sabotage, toxic shame leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Learn how internalized toxic shame manifests uniquely in individuals, evident through feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability, struggles with intimacy, boundary challenges, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability. This episode is the sixth installment of our multi-episode series, aiming to guide you in alchemizing and transmuting your toxic shame. Join us as we explore how various forms of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse contribute to the development of toxic shame and the initial steps towards healing.Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions and graphic descriptions of sexual assault and abuse. Listener discretion is advised. Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode: 00:00 – 04:12: Intro + disclaimer (a brief description of what we’ll be discussing)04:12 – 11:29: Recognizing the different types of sexual abuse11:29 – 19:59: Covert (hidden) sexual abuse and trauma19:59 – 32:25: Emotional-sexual abuse32:25 – 42:07: Physical abuse and toxic shame42:07 – 54:17: Emotional abuse and toxic shame54:01 – 01:00:06: How our emotions become shame-bound01:00:06 – 01:09:35: The impact toxic shame has on the development of sexuality01:09:23 – 01:12:44: When shame becomes your “master emotion”PREMIUM PORTION: 01:12:44 – 02:00:03: Toxic shame healing meditation “The Black Bear” [PREMIUM PREVIEW] The Black Bear meditation was inspired by and adapted from an original meditation by Sez Kristiansen. Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jul 25, 2023 • 1h 37min
shame series part 5: unraveling the impact of abandonment
What is this sneaky, yet destructive thing called toxic shame, and could it be the root cause of our continued suffering and emotional dysregulation? Toxic shame lies at the heart of most self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Signs of internalized toxic shame can manifest in various ways and differ from person to person. Persistent feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability and intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability can all be indicators of toxic shame. This is part five in a multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. In this episode, we will explore the devastating impact on our lives when internalized toxic shame becomes our state of being. We will also dive into the different ways abandonment can present in childhood through physical abuse, emotional abandonment, and deprived narcissism.TIME STAMPS:00:00 – 11:24: Intro + reading of my poem “untethered” (the impact of toxic shame in my own life)11:24 – 14:53: How toxic shame becomes a permanent state of being14:53 – 19:35: Understanding the connection between toxic shame and abandonment trauma19:35 – 36:32: Abandonment as physical absence36:32 – 01:06:24: Abandonment as emotional neglect and deprived narcissism01:06:24 – 01:12:57: Abandonment as physical abusePREMIUM PORTION: In the Premium half of the episode, I discuss my personal healing journey and the positive impact Somatic Experiencing therapy is having on my life. We finish up with a guided pendulation exercise inspired by the work of Peter Levine.01:12:57 – 01:48:16: How somatic experiencing is helping me get back into my body01:48:16 – 02:01:50: Guided pendulation exercise inspired by the work of Peter Levine (creator of Somatic Experiencing) Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jul 18, 2023 • 1h 37min
shame series part 4: how toxic shame fuels dysfunctional family systems
This is part four of our multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. In this episode, we’ll dive into the generational aspect of toxic shame and how it gets passed down and embedded into dysfunctional family systems. We’ll also discuss the various roles and rules in shame-based families and the pervasive impact this has on children in adulthood. Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode. 00:00 – 05:14: Intro + reflections05:00 – 18:07: How toxic shame sabotages our most important relationships18:07 – 33:13: A case study of how toxic shame gets passed down throughout generations33:13 – 48:54: Exploration of the various dysfunctional family roles and their characteristics 48:54 – 01:09:54: Multi-generational shame cycles (how children develop toxic shame)01:09:54 – 01:30:53: Dysfunctional rules in shame-based families01:30:58 – 01:36:57: How to become more fully human with the “five freedoms” of Virginia Satir01:46:37 – 01:59:46: Guided meditation and affirmation session to transmute toxic shame Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jul 11, 2023 • 1h 14min
shame series part 3: toxic shame and 'disordered' or 'dysfunctional' personality traits
This is part THREE in our multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. First, we confront the detrimental effects of toxic shame, its correlation with personality disorder labels, and its potential role in criminal behavior. We’ll also tackle how unprocessed toxic shame from childhood can manifest as traits of grandiose narcissism, causing individuals to seek validation through exaggerated self-importance. Finally, we’ll discover how the burden of shame can stifle our spiritual growth and impede our quest for self-discovery and our connection with others. Tune in to this captivating episode as we uncover the deep-rooted effects of toxic shame on our psyche and gain insights into how we can heal and reclaim our authentic selves. Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode: 00:00 – 07:18: Reflecting on what we’ve learned so far and an introduction to this episode’s topics07:19 – 19:46: Toxic shame and personality disorder labels19:38 – 34:41: Toxic shame and guilt in criminal behavior (recidivism prediction)PREMIUM | My Stupid Walk for My Stupid Mental Health – “head-fucked by perfectionism (ft. a very special surprise guest)”34:37 – 37:00: Toxic shame and sexual abuse (will be expanded upon in a further episode)37:00 – 45:17: How unprocessed toxic shame from childhood can lead to feelings of grandiosity (grandiose narcissism)45:17 – 49:25: Toxic shame and spiritual starvation49:25 – 59:24: The dehumanizing quality of toxic shame59:00 – end: [PREMIUM PORTION] My Stupid Walk for My Stupid Mental Health – “head-fucked by perfectionism (ft. a surprise appearance by my partner Zaz) Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jul 4, 2023 • 1h 23min
shame series part 2: when toxic shame becomes who you are
This is part two in a multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame.What is this sneaky, yet destructive thing called toxic shame, and could it be the root cause of our continued suffering and emotional dysregulation? Toxic shame lies at the heart of most self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Signs of internalized toxic shame can manifest in various ways and differ from person to person. Persistent feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability and intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability can all be indicators of toxic shame.Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode: 00:00 – 05:56: Reflections from part one05:56 – 11:06: Why discuss toxic shame? 11:06 – 16:50: Shame and guilt in neurosis 16:50 – 28:52: How childhood shame shapes adult identity28:52 – 33:03: Understanding traumatic shame and abandonment33:03 – 37:47: How toxic shame disconnects and freezes you out from your own needs and desires37:47 – 46:42: How self-shaming = self-alienation46:42 – 49:02: Toxic shame as the core of codependency49:02 – 52:18: Toxic shame as related to BPD or ‘borderline personality disorder’ 52:18 – 59:19: The role of toxic shame in addiction 59:19 – 01:10:11: How are guilt and toxic shame related? PREMIUM | 01:10:19 – 01:37:32: My Stupid Walk for My Stupid Mental Health – “Out of My Head and Into My Body”Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jun 27, 2023 • 1h 28min
shame series part 1: healthy shame makes you human
What is this sneaky yet destructive thing called toxic shame, and could it be the root cause of our continued suffering and emotional dysregulation? Toxic shame lies at the heart of most self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Signs of internalized toxic shame can manifest in various ways and differ from person to person. Persistent feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability and intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability can all be indicators of toxic shame. This is part one in a multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. Check out the time-stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered.TIME STAMPS 00:00 – 13:48: How mythical interpretations of journeys “into the underworld” can help us understand the process of alchemizing toxic shame13:48 – 17:56: Shame as myth and allegory17:56 – 32:50: How toxic shame impacts our sense of Self32:50 – 37:23: Can shame be healthy?37:23 – 49:04: When do we develop a sense of shame in childhood? (Psychosocial stage 2)49:04 – 52:16: Shame as embarrassment52:16 – 55:21: Shame as shyness52:21 – 59:12: Shame and community59:12 – 01:03:07: Shame as a spark for creativity01:03:07 – 01:05:31: How shame is viewed from a spiritual perspective01:05:31 – 01:13:23: What happens if we don’t develop a sense of healthy shame? (Shamelessness and its impact on our lives)01:13:23 – 01:49:10 – Control as a trauma response (how chronic trauma can lead to controlling or caretaking behaviors)01:49:10 – 01:56:15: Heart opening + shame reduction mantras / affirmations Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
