shame series part 7: unmet childhood needs, perfectionism, and public shaming

Aug 8, 2023

Toxic shame and its effects on emotional turmoil and self-sabotage. Unmet childhood needs and the impact on adulthood. Abandonment and enmeshment in dysfunctional family systems. Understanding internalized toxic shame. Toxic shame as forced perfectionism in school systems. Peer shaming in childhood. Devastating impact of online public shaming and cancel culture. Toxic shame perpetuated by religion and culture. Importance of not rushing the healing process. Personal story of drunken encounter with the police. Shame and consequences of sleeping with people in relationships.

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Episode notes

Introduction

00:00 • 4min

Struggles and Seeking Support

04:29 • 27min

Abandonment and Unmet Childhood Needs

31:56 • 16min

Internalization and Toxic Shame

47:50 • 33min

The Impact of Public Shaming and Cancel Culture

01:20:59 • 9min

Exploring Toxic Shame Perpetuated by Systems

01:30:26 • 3min

Responding to Listener's Difficult Time and the Importance of Healing Process

01:33:51 • 5min

Drunk and Underage: A Shameful Encounter with the Police

01:38:51 • 6min

Unmet Childhood Needs, Perfectionism, and Public Shaming

01:44:36 • 4min

Discover the insidious nature of toxic shame and its potential role as the root cause behind our ongoing suffering and emotional turmoil. At the core of self-sabotage, toxic shame leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Learn how internalized toxic shame manifests uniquely in individuals, evident through feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability, struggles with intimacy, boundary challenges, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability. This episode is the seventh installment of our multi-episode series, aiming to guide you in alchemizing and transmuting your toxic shame.

TIME STAMPS:

00:00 – 13:48: The sound of toxic shame (listener voicemails)

13:16 – 42:10: Understanding your core childhood dependency needs (how unmet needs in childhood affect us as adults)

42:10 – 47:54: Abandonment through enmeshment in the overt and covert needs of a dysfunctional family system

47:54 – 59:29: Understanding internalized toxic shame and shame spirals

59:29 – 01:14:20: Toxic shame as forced perfectionism in public school systems

01:14:20 – 01:20:51: How peer shaming in childhood leads to internalized toxic shame

01:20:51 – 01:30:05: The devastating impact of digital public shaming and internet “cancel culture”

[PREMIUM]

01:30:05 – 01:36:51: Listener question from Matt (rushing the recovery process)

01:36:51 – 01:51:42: Anonymous listener question (finding self-forgiveness after a shame-inducing mistake)

01:50:47 – 02:02:34: Listener question from Caleb (how to sit with the deep pain of recovery and deal with creative blockages)

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The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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