We also wanted to shine the light on all the work that he is {hopefully} doing early on in recovery.  Jason goes into some of the internal work he is doing that she might not see - fighting for his integrity, fighting resignation, fighting to not adopt failure as an identity - just to name a few.  We also talk about the work she will start to see - which is a byproduct of the internal work he is doing.  Jason throws out the word characterological - which I question the validity of.  I know better than to do this people.  In Jason’s other life, he loves Jeopardy, cross word puzzles and all things word-related.   Dusting off some blog post archives - a series on empathy and humility - here is part one, part two and part three. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites:  redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter and click here to subscribe to Jason’s. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

So apparently men in Jason’s office say that they are doing a lot of the early work of recovery (not her). Not to start a fight or anything but… We dig more into this during this episode of the pod. Truly, when both the husband and wife are engaged in recovery - they are both working really hard. We thought it would be helpful to name what she is doing early on in recovery so that he can really see how much she is working on. Grief work, getting safe, detachment, waiting well. Fighting for hope, self-control, financial sacrifices. So much. A recent blog post on detachment. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter and click here to subscribe to Jason’s. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.  

We dig into the trauma model versus the addiction model and of course take some rabbit trails and talk about things like vicarious trust, codependency, trauma and the Redemptive Living way of doing things.  We are so glad you are with us for season #2!   It was this episode where Jason mentions codependency and how much he hates that word. Click here to order Rescued. I continue this conversation on the blog - here is the first of the blog posts on this topic. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites:  redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

So our plan was to talk about the ins and outs of detachment for this last episode of season one. But first, I wanted to start with a quick question regarding equanimity in the recovery process. Simply because I often hear of husbands saying - they want it to be equal. As Jason and I continued to dive deeper into the topic, I realized that we would need to save detachment for season two.   In this episode, we unpack the reasons behind why we believe demanding equanimity from her doesn’t work. We also discuss the reasons it can be so hard for him to not see recovery through this lens of balance and equality. We also talk about what this has looked like for us - and how long Jason had to surrender equality. And I share a bit about where I am at today with moving toward Jason and my hearts desire to love him well.   Loving what Jason said during the episode - “Trust is destroyed at her expense, trust is rebuilt at his expense.”  Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.comand rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelleywith the subject line: Podcast.

We’ve received some great questions during this season of the podcast. We wanted to tackle as many of these as we could and didn’t get near as many answered as we wanted to but that’s okay. There (hopefully) is always the next episode! A couple of the questions we answered - Is it possible that Jason loved me in the midst of his acting out? And is it fair for husbands to say that they didn’t mean to hurt us while they were acting out. We cover this and more! Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

Sitting on secrets is incredibly detrimental in the recovery process.  We (actually, Jason) shares four main reasons that men choose to sit on secrets during the recovery process.  In addition, he talks through the really important recovery aspects that sitting on secrets will block (intimacy, empathy, grieving, ability to help others, and freedom).  Ultimately - when a man working recovery is sitting on secrets, it will increase the chances of him acting out.  But we’re not going to leave you there.  We are going to walk through what it can look like to stop sitting on secrets and press into vulnerability, intimacy and movement forward! "Are you more desperate to hide or to heal?” - quote attributed to Scott Nickell of Southlands Church and his podcast is here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites:  redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

In this episode, I (Shelley) share how difficult it is when my story of being a betrayed wife is the first thing that people know about me. We are so much more than this part of our stories, ladies. In this episode - I share more about how the betrayal piece is just a small part of the story and give hope and encouragement to women that are feeling like it’s all consuming for them in the here and now. Selah Summit and Mallory Morgan - you can get to know her here.“ God reached out His arm and pulled me out of the slimy pit and set my feed on solid ground” is referring to this verse. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.comand rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

In this episode, we discuss several strategies to mitigate anxiety during the recovery process. It’s fair to say we segue into some other topics - women’s intuition, women trusting other women, support groups, who is driving the recovery bus. Let’s just say you’re going to feel like you are sitting in our living room while Jason and I are chit-chatting. So grab a warm drink and a blanket and get comfortable. We are so glad you are here!   The Restore Workshop is this weekend. More details about the workshop here. Interested in a support group for women? You can find out more about them here. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelleywith the subject line: Podcast.

Did you know there are two different types of shame? There is toxic shame, which most of us refer to and talk about these days; and then there is Biblical shame. Shame is complicated, yáll, and because of that, Jason does most of the talking here. I was just trying to keep up! Keep in mind that we must work through the toxic shame before we can work through the Biblical shame. However - Biblical shame only applies when we have done something wrong. Otherwise, we are only dealing with toxic shame. Whew. Verse in 1 Corinthianswhere Paul says - "I say this to shame you.” Entropē- Greek word for shame - literally means to recoil from what is vile. David feeling the weight in his bones refers to this verse. Interested in a support group? Find out about current openings here. Living out our identity in Christ - we discuss this inEpisode 4. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelleywith the subject line: Podcast.

Have you heard him say - “I’m sorry I hurt you. You would be better off without me.” And it doesn’t actually help? This is because comments like this are enveloped in shame and are sympathetic, but not empathetic. In this episode, Jason and I talk through what she needs to hear and how, yes, HOW he can learn to be empathetic. Get your pen and paper ready - you’re going to want to take notes!   Video by Brene Brownon Empathy versus Sympathy Wanting more of this? Jason teaches a MasterClass on Empathy, would love for you to join the next one! To see the other MasterClasses being offered, click here. Our websites - rlforwomen.com and redemptiveliving.com You can connect with Shelley on Instagram @Shelley-Martinkus Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.