Jason and Shelley Martinez discuss healing from Acting In and Gaslighting. They emphasize the importance of sanctification and character growth, practicing radical honesty, and setting limits and boundaries for a redeemed marriage.
Healing from acting in and intimacy aversion requires sanctification and character growth, focusing on becoming more like Christ.
Wives should name and address their husbands' acting in behavior, seek support, and establish boundaries to protect themselves and contribute to personal healing and marriage redemption.
Deep dives
Healing from Acting In and Intimacy Aversion
Healing from acting in and intimacy aversion requires understanding that it is part of the human condition and requires sanctification and character growth. This is not about behavior change but about heart and character change. It is important to recognize the techniques used, such as blaming, shaming, criticizing, hiding, stonewalling, and hyper-spiritualizing, and to start working on healing through practical steps. These steps include identifying the origins of these behaviors, examining the patterns and scripts learned in childhood, seeking belonging and addressing legitimate emotional needs in healthy ways, and practicing character traits like vulnerability and radical honesty. This process of healing ultimately leads to becoming more like Christ and developing a redeemed and healthy marriage.
Support for Wives Dealing with Acting In
For wives dealing with their husbands' acting in or intimacy aversion, it is important to name and address the behavior. By calling it out and sharing it with a safe person, she can overcome the feeling of craziness and receive validation. It is crucial to not keep the behavior hidden, but to share it with trusted individuals who can provide support and guidance. Additionally, working on detachment and setting boundaries becomes important. Wives should determine their limits and establish a line in the sand to protect themselves from ongoing harmful behavior. These steps contribute to both personal healing and the redemption of the marriage.
The Importance of Character Growth and Sanctification
When addressing acting in and intimacy aversion, it is essential to understand that genuine change comes from character growth and sanctification rather than mere behavior modification. The focus should be on becoming more like Christ and developing character traits aligned with love, kindness, empathy, and vulnerability. This process involves recognizing the scripts and patterns learned in early life that inform these behaviors. By being honest with oneself, seeking support from a community, and practicing new ways of relating, individuals can replace old scripts and grow in their character. It is a lifelong journey that leads to a deeper sense of freedom and healthier relationships.
Navigating the Path to Healing
The path to healing from acting in and intimacy aversion involves several practical steps. Firstly, it is crucial to understand that the process requires sanctification and character growth, not just behavior change. Individuals should identify the techniques they use to push others away, and examine the underlying pain and preservation they are trying to mitigate. It is essential to explore the origins of these patterns, particularly between the ages of six to sixteen, and to uncover the scripts and rules learned during that time. Seeking support from a community, practicing radical honesty, and embracing vulnerability are key components in this healing journey. By focusing on genuine personal growth, individuals can move towards healthier and more authentic relationships.
In this week’s episode we are going to talk about what it looks like to heal from Acting In / Intimacy Aversion.
Remember, Acting In consists of the techniques he uses to push her away in order to protect himself.
Jason talks to husbands about what it looks like for him to stop acting in. Shelley gives three strategies to help wives protect themselves in the midst of his acting in and thus start to heal from it. We also touch on radical honesty and how powerful this can be in the recovery process.
Ultimately, the remedy for him is sanctification and character growth. And if the goal is to become more like Christ, then both sanctification and character growth will follow. This is what she needs to see and this is what will keep him walking with integrity.
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