This week on RL Radio - NOT going back to the way it was This is the final episode of Season #5. We had a hard time putting a pin in this Season - we had so much fun laughing with each other (and hopefully with you guys as you listened in). I also realize that we bring out the tears in a lot of our listeners, so for that - well, I’m grateful that you were able to grieve and connect and know that we love you all! I wanted us to loop back to Episode #60 where Jason talked about the rubric for living out recovery in life. (Which, btw, for any of you that read this - would you like for us to make a graphic of that rubric?! if so, please email me, subject line podcast and let me know!)   We re-listened to parts of Episode #60 before recording this episode and Jason mentioned in that episode that some men want to do life the way they have always done it, minus the acting out. I see this as a huge issue with the clients I work with - this temptation to just go back to the way it was (for him) once he has stopped acting out. So Jason talked through a Rubric that can be used to live life from a recovery mindset. At the end of the episode, one of the questions I had for Jason was: what makes him even *want* to go back to life as it was? We didn’t have time to dig into that question on episode #60 so here we are - digging into it now. You’re welcome. Jason shares a handful of reasons men want to go back to life as it was before (and I added in one at the end) - what would you add to this list? Fear of wholesale change / Identity shifts. Being “comfortably numb”. Ignorance Religion / Faith  Being the center of the universe (as the addict) and the desire to go back to that. Arrogance and pride. Shame (including both appropriate biblical shame or toxic shame) I love at the end when Jason said that too many people think recovery is going to meetings.  When actually recovery is actually #1 - sanctification and #2 - life work.  Boom.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   You can listen to Episode #60 - A Rubric for Living Out Recovery In Life here Jason refers to Pink Floyd and Comfortably Numb - he says they are great theologians - I wanted to ask him what in the world he meant by that - but I decided not to, we will save that for next season. I was mistaken, when I referred to Deuteronomy for the four connectors (mind, heart, body and soul) - I was actually referring to Luke 10:27. Jason refers to the story of Jesus and the invalid in John 5:1-14. I misunderstood Jason during the recording - I thought he was saying that this story DID occur in the Bible. As I was working on the show notes, I couldn’t find that story (oh my.). So I clarified with Jason - he is saying that there are some men that are prideful and arrogant and would say to Jesus - “I ain’t sick man, I don’t know what you are talking about.” I’m such a #bibletoddler. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE but will be closing soon - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - Part Two of Moving Toward Divorce with Elizabeth Picking up where we left off, I start out with a quick recap of what we discussed in part one and then we continue to dig into more of what it looks like to journey well including having hope. Elizabeth mentions this CS Lewis quote - “One day all the sad things will become untrue.” In other words - holding onto hope includes keeping our eyes on the end goal and NAMING those end goals. Elizabeth challenged the listeners to pause at some point and really consider - "what is your end goal?” We also talked about separation including a legal separation and if / when that is appropriate. We landed the plane with both Jason and I asking Elizabeth specific questions - I LOVED Jason’s question regarding what would have caused Elizabeth to have paused on moving forward with the divorce - as in, what could he have done to have caused her to pause and shift gears. Elizabeth’s answer is powerful and something that we ALL need to see from him - laying down all the shiny pieces. We are so grateful for Elizabeth’s partnership with us and for her sharing her wisdom with us. And as she said at the end, this conversation will not end so please send us your questions and thoughts! We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   You can listen to our initial interview with Elizabeth, Episode #48, After a Marriage Ends. Elizabeth mentioned John Eldridge’s book (which I have not read yet!) - All Things New. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE but will be closing soon - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, Masterclasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio: Moving Toward Divorce - Part 1 We are delighted to have another conversation with Elizabeth from the RLW team! As you will hear, we recorded this episode in May on her, as she said, “would be” anniversary.  Oh, the timing.  We didn’t know this when we recorded the episode, but our podcast producers shared recently that Elizabeth’s first time on our podcast (Episode #48, linked below) is the most listened to episode!  I am SO not surprised. We received several questions from listeners asking for us to talk more about what it might look like to prepare for divorce if the path forward starts to potentially include that.  Elizabeth shared several things to consider including:  support, being aware of trauma in the church, having others that will ask the hard questions and challenge motivations (see note below on Psalm 139:23-24), pacing self and journeying well, grieving well (and leaning in like a buffalo),  and finally, reclaiming spaces and places and areas of our hearts. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   You can listen to our initial interview with Elizabeth, Episode #48, After a Marriage Ends. After the recording, Elizabeth really wanted to make sure we referenced Psalm 139: 23-24 when it comes to challenging our motivations. She meant to share this during the recording but didn’t get to it. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE but will be closing soon - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - Holding Her in High Esteem How can he hold her in high esteem? Being able to do this is - per Jason, a "quick win" and something guys can start doing today to make a difference in the coupleship and in their recovery. Typically, because of the pain he is experiencing, he will disparage her (to offset the pain). To do this - he needs to focus initially on his own heart and mind - and if he is focusing on her flaws, highlighting her hurts, and bemoaning her brokenness - he is hurting himself and hurting her. Jason gives two strategies to help move toward holding her in high esteem: Where is the Focus? Cross-checking his internal posture toward her as well as how he is presenting her to others. What is the Fix? If the remedy to his pain is HER changing, this will damage the process. Be listening for what you (he) thinks the fix is. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE but will be closing soon - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, Master Classes and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - A Rubric for Living Out Recovery in Life What does it look like to "live out recovery” in day to day life? Maybe he is going to groups, getting therapy, not acting out - which is all great. But sometimes (oftentimes) - that can be all that is different. He is doing life the way he’s always done it otherwise. (And side note: this does not promote the rebuilding of trust, safety, or MANY of the things she needs to heal! I’m just not going to mince my words - it simply. doesn’t. work. if life doesn’t look different. The end.) With that said - Jason has five lenses to look through to help shift from doing life the way it’s always been (minus the acting out) to living out recovery in day to day life. My brokenness and how that comes to bear on the situation. My overall story. Threats Assessment. My overall recovery and where I am today. Integration and protecting my wife’s heart. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   Shelley mentions this recent episode (#52) - Dropping the Rope  at the top of the podcast. You can access the Threats Assessment by clicking here and subscribing to the Podcast Freebies. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE but will be closing soon - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - Holding the Tension Between Two Truths In this episode we talk about holding the tension between two truths. This can be a challenge for men in recovery because of the compartmentalization that occurs with addiction. (A big part of recovery is integration - as in, breaking down those boxes.) Holding the tension between two truths is one of several ways we can work on decompartmentalization. Holding two truths can also help when there is catastrophizing in the recovery process. Jason gives some examples of holding the tension between the two truths which hopefully will help bring this important recovery concept to light. Ultimately, having an awareness of and practicing holding the tension is an important first step as well as writing them down. And for the record, I do feel like I owe Jason an apology regarding the pillow situation. I’m embarrassed by my behavior and once I send off these show notes, I’m going to make sure and talk to him again. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   Jason mentions this recent episode (#52 - Dropping the Rope)  at the top of the podcast and episode #56 - a “Who Knows” of Hope toward the end. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE but will be closing soon - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - Thomas’s story - Part Two In part two, we pick up with where we left off with one more of Thomas’s rock bottoms (in addition to the others mentioned in Part One) that became a pivotal part of his upward trajectory. Ultimately, Thomas hit a place of complete surrender which propelled him toward change, movement and growth. Thomas also shares some of the areas he needed to grow in as well as the lessons he learned + what life looks like today. We are so grateful for Emma and Thomas and allowing us to share Thomas (and Emma’s) story with you guys. We look forward to having Emma on the pod sometime soon to get more of her story. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   Thomas’s Bio Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE for the public today - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - Thomas’s story - Part One Trigger Warning: We want to make sure that you protect yourself (and your children) if you choose to listen to this episode. Thomas shares his story, starting from when he was seven years old - exposed to pornography followed by years of masturbation and progressing from there. The first twenty minutes of this episode are heart breaking but also very important and sacred and we are grateful that Thomas and Emma agreed to share their story with us on the podcast. I believe that anyone that listens to this will hear the regret, the remorse, the humility in Thomas’s voice. It’s real and necessary and ladies - I believe this is what we all need to heal relationally WITH him. I have no links, no resources for this episode - Thomas’s story (and Emma’s) is what this one is all about. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE for the public today - click here to access the application.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - part three of the Empowerment Miniseries - A “Who Knows” of Hope Oh my goodness, enjoy the first five minutes of the episode as you get a first-hand glimpse into the communication issues that are Jason and Shelley. If you don’t need any more laughs in your day, feel free to fast-forward to just shy of five minutes and you’ll be okay - except the communication issues persist so, well, buckle up. As for the podcast episode - what we dig into is this: What does it look like for women to go from being a shell of ourselves to who God created us to be on this earth? We talk about what it looked like for me to lose myself before disclosure / discovery as well as the implosion that occurs when it all comes crashing down. Hope is completely lost. And yet… and yet, in the devastation and in the wake, there is an invitation for each of us women to step into a completely different, new life - the life God created us to live. We can leverage the pain and devastation for good. WHAT IF putting ourselves back together (the PROCESS) is how we can move closer to who we were created to be here on this earth? Who KNOWS what God has in store for us!!! There IS hope. So how do we get “there”- there meaning the fullest version of ourselves: #1 - Let yourself fully fall apart. #2 - To look for and take back what is yours to take back - your voice, your feelings, your sanity, what you think / want / need / feel - bottom line: reclaiming your space and your worth. #3 - Asking God: How will you redeem this? We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   I do not see a podcast episode related to women losing themselves. We are officially losing our minds. Genesis 50:20 - Joseph leveraging his pain for good. See the "who knows of hope" in Esther 4:14 as well as in Jonah 3:9. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat.  Applications are LIVE for the wait list today + LIVE for the public next week.  If you are not on the wait list, click here to access the application starting on May 26th.  And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - part two of the Empower miniseries - Reclaiming What Was Lost {Side note: this episode made me laugh several times while I was doing these show notes. Whatever you do, listen to the very, very end of the episode. Hilarious.} We start by chatting about all the things that were lost: locations, memorable events, the entire marriage, innocence and purity, joy and hope, certain relationships. Basically - it feels like everything. So, what do we do? How do we reclaim what is lost and allow ourselves the space to release what is not worth redeeming? Four things we can do – Name what is hurting, the pain points, the grief. Daniel Siegel says - "we name it to tame it". Tend to the grief: we do both spontaneous grief work and intentional grief work. See below for links to verses! Plus - giving ourselves compassion. Letting God in. Make the choice: what do you want to reclaim and what do you want to release? We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!   The two verses I couldn’t recall as we were talking live on the pod are 2 Corinthians 1:3-6 and Psalm 126:5-6. Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + articles if you would like access to the worksheet I mentioned on this episode. We will be announcing details for the next RLW Retreat + opening applications on the NEXT episode.  To make sure you get all the details - add yourself to the retreat interest list here. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.