#80: The Shame She Experiences

So here we are!  The final episode of Season #6.

We start with me needing to loop back to something we discussed in the last episode where Jason said he received feedback from someone saying that sometimes when Jason mentions the past / the timeline, that he is shaming me.  While I don’t think he is trying to shame me - I DO experience shame when certain parts of our story is mentioned.  I wanted to share a point of clarification that didn’t come to me until after we had stopped recording last week.

I’ve wanted to talk about the shame women carry for a while and I thought this would be a good time to dig into it.  We start with a working definition of shame - because in some ways, it’s really hard to conceptualize.  What I think is important is for us to remember that shame is an indictment on our being.  It’s more than a feeling - shame becomes a sense of self.

We then talk about permanent shame (thanks to Christa - one of our podcast producers - this is more rightly named chronic shame) versus acute shame.  So for those of you that read the show notes - think of this as a bonus!

We switch gears and dig into the different facets of recovery and how shame bubbles up in each of these areas and slowly chips away / erodes at our sense of self as women.  We talk emotionally, financially, physically, sexually…  The conversation continues and we talk about several things including how his acting out isn’t an indictment on her being (although it FEELS that way), naming the shame, recognizing that the antidote to shame is the starting point, bringing it to community (which includes having others dismantle the shame), and ultimately working at putting ourselves back together.

I was so grateful for Jason to bring up the reality that her shame necessitates compassion from him.  We discussed this before we started recording and I’m so glad Jason looped back to this - it’s so important for men to be WITH her in her shame and pain not separate from it.  It will make the biggest of differences.

We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #6, we will be back in the Fall for Season #7!

• Shelley mentions Episode #7 on Toxic Shame and Biblical Shame which might be helpful to review as we pick up the topic of shame again in this podcast episode.

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