MissUnderstood: The ADHD in Women Channel

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. Related resourcesLesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsydA Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships(11:44) Weaponized incompetence(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?(17:19) Notice, shift, repair(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and creditsFor a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Shame often looms large for women with ADHD, influencing self-image and relationships. The discussion delves into how societal expectations exacerbate these feelings. Practical strategies are shared to help women cultivate self-compassion and manage emotional challenges. Listeners are encouraged to confront shame and embrace healthier coping mechanisms. This enlightening conversation fosters understanding and encourages empowerment in navigating ADHD.

Sometimes, our brains spiral and it seems like there’s nothing we can do about it. This can happen to anyone. Maybe you have an awkward social interaction and can’t stop thinking about it — then your mind jumps to worse and worse scenarios, far from what actually happened. And for those of us with ADHD, it can be extra difficult to exit that spiral. A situation like this happened to Rae Jacobson recently. Thankfully, she had an interview on the books with Dr. Jodi Gold, a psychiatrist who also has ADHD. Jodi specializes in psychotherapy of anxiety and mood disorders — perfect. On this episode of Hyperfocus, Rae and Jodi have an impromptu therapy session featuring a discussion of automatic thoughts, mood dysregulation, and rejection sensitivity. And, yes, “ADHD rabbit holes.”Related resourcesThe influence of ADHD on social skillsAnxiety, imposter syndrome, and ADHD (Mallory’s story)What is perseveration?Timestamps(2:23) Rae’s situation(6:56) What do we really mean by “rabbit hole?”(13:00) On automatic thoughts(17:53) Masking and people-pleasingWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at hyperfocus@understood.org.For a transcript and more resources, visit the Hyperfocus page on Understood. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

ADHD traits such as forgetfulness and impulsivity are often viewed as ‘bad behavior’ while growing up. Kids with ADHD might get punished for these things that are actually due to their brains working differently. So what happens when these kids grow up into adults with ADHD? Some might continue to punish themselves.This week on Tips from an ADHD Coach, Jaye breaks down why the threat of punishment is not the most effective motivator for people with ADHD, and gives some tips that can help end the cycle. Related resourcesMasking ADHD symptoms to go above and beyond (René Brooks’ story)Behavior: What is it and how can parents affect it?  7 discipline tips when your child has ADHDTimestamps(00:41) René’s quote(02:18) ADHD is not defiance(05:01) Ways we punish ourselves(06:28) How can we motivate ourselves without punishment?(11:05) RecapFor a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at adhdcoachtips@understood.org Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This could include being non-monogamous!Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She is the author of the book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients). Listen to this conversation on jealousy, reaching agreements with your partner, and what consensual non-monogamy really is.Related resourcesPolyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) by Martha Kauppi8 Steps To Opening Up: Starting The Conversation About Non-Monogamy, a Free eBook by Martha KauppiMartha Kauppi’s website, www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.comTimestamps(00:55) Why learn about consensual non-monogamy?(04:04) What is consensual non-monogamy?(05:36) What is the biggest misconception about non-monogamy?(08:40) Building a relationship that works for you, not just what you see in the media(11:46) Viewing non-monogamy as an option in life(15:42) Moving toward consensual non-monogamy in a relational way(21:03) How would you start a conversation about opening your currently monogamous relationship?(24:20) Tips for working through jealousy (25:35) What is compersion?(30:13) It’s OK if non-monogamy isn’t for you! (32:10) Where can you find Martha? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Dr. Monica Johnson, a licensed psychologist specialized in ADHD, dives into the intricate relationship between ADHD and eating habits. She explores how distractions and forgetfulness impact meal planning and eating routines, especially for women. The discussion highlights common issues like impulsive eating and emotional bingeing, while also offering practical tips for cultivating healthier patterns. Dr. Johnson emphasizes the importance of enjoying food without guilt, promoting a balanced approach to eating that enhances overall well-being.

Jessica McCabe, creator of the YouTube channel 'How to ADHD', shares her journey from diagnosis at 12 to understanding ADHD at 32. She discusses the transformative moment when ADHD medication made her feel 'normal' and how it boosted her confidence. Jessica opens up about the struggles of being a new mom with ADHD, including navigating social anxiety and postpartum challenges. She also highlights the importance of community support and shares insights on breaking the stigma around ADHD medication.

Individuals with ADHD excel at problem-solving for others, but often struggle with their own challenges. The emotional dysregulation they experience can make it difficult to advocate for themselves. In this discussion, the complexities of transitioning from school to work are revealed, along with the irony of ADHD coaches facing their own organizational hurdles. Tips focus on fostering self-compassion and adapting personal goals for better emotional processing and growth, empowering listeners to navigate their unique journeys.

Navigating social events can be daunting, especially for women with ADHD and social anxiety. The struggle often involves over-preparation and the fear of saying the wrong thing. Insights into how ADHD exacerbates social anxiety reveal practical strategies for managing these feelings. Techniques like 'putting a clock on it' help minimize stress during interactions. Personal reflections provide a glimpse into resilience, inspiring listeners to tackle societal pressures with confidence.

If you have ADHD, the science says you’re much more likely to have a substance use disorder in your life than someone who’s neurotypical. ADHD brains often lack dopamine. Drugs and alcohol can provide a hit of dopamine, albeit a temporary one. That’s why it’s so common for people with untreated ADHD to self-medicate. Elaine O’Brien used to fit that ADHD archetype to a tee. Eventually, though, she entered recovery and also started practicing Ashtanga yoga, a style that she describes as “very rigorous and very codified.”She fell for the physicality of the practice and the routine it demands. “It got me in my body and I started to feel good,” she says. “I really started to feel good.”For years, Elaine had struggled with substance issues and untreated ADHD. She’s been in recovery for almost two decades but recently began to wonder if the ADHD diagnosis she’d rejected in high school might actually be right.How did her journey take this path? Listen to this week’s Hyperfocus episode to find out. Related resourcesElaine’s studio: Second Story Pilates and YogaStudy: Medication reduces risk of drug abuse for people with ADHDADHD and addiction: Knowledge is powerDoes exercise help ADHD?Timestamps(3:04) Elaine’s diagnosis story(7:09) ADHD and substance use(13:52) Exercise and sobriety(19:28) “Isn’t your job to help people calm down?”To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Hyperfocus podcast page at Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at hyperfocus@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give