TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

🎙️ Where my freaks at?  Control Freaks that is.    In this episode, we dive deep with psychologist and author Joanna Kleinman to unpack why that voice in your head is working harder than a barista during morning rush hour.  Shanenn and Joanna talk about: How your inner critic is just like the mean girl at school when you were growing up and she's been messing with you since you lost your first tooth 🛡️ The Jerry Maguire "you complete me" line is such a bad representation of the way relationships should really work and your relationship expectations may be as older than that movie.  Big red flag 🚩 How social media has become the Olympic Games of impossible standards (and why we keep competing) 🏅 Don't Miss Moments: "We're like starving dogs waiting for that bone of validation" - on why we stay in unhealthy relationships "We're dishwashers - I'm a Whirlpool, you're a GE, but we all run the same programs" - on universal human patterns Action Items from the Episode: Name your inner critic ... 😉Practice catching yourself in "control mode" Start asking "What evidence disproves this belief?" when your inner critic goes on a rantStart getting curious about your beliefs instead of judging themPractice being okay with the possibility of things not going "perfectly"Follow Joanna on her podcast "Dethroning Your Inner Critic" where she dives deeper into the MIND Method and helps women stop being their own worst critics and start being their own best advocates.  00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:20 Understanding the Inner Critic 01:58 Origins of the Inner Critic 06:47 Cultural and Social Influences 09:33 Control and Perfectionism 11:35 Healthy Relationships and Self-Worth 21:32 Practical Steps to Dethrone the Inner Critic 29:20 Conclusion and Podcast PromotionSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn's guest, award-winning psychologist Dr. Courtney Warren opens up about her own struggles with relationship insecurity and shares her thoughts about the lies we tell ourselves. From crying when her college boyfriend went out with friends to becoming an expert on self-deception, Dr. Warren's personal journey and professional wisdom offer hope for anyone wrestling with jealousy and relationship fears.Key Moments:- 2:00 - Why self-honesty is the key to living a fulfilling life- 9:00 - Dr. Warren shares a vulnerable story about her college relationship- 21:00 - The Three A's of Authenticity framework revealed- 31:00 - Why your friends might not understand your jealousy (and that's okay)- 37:00 - Small changes that lead to massive transformationGolden Episode Nuggets:💎 The most damaging lies are the ones we tell ourselves💎 Jealousy often has nothing to do with your partner💎 Your worth isn't determined by your relationship status💎 Change happens in micro-steps, not overnight transformations💎 Finding the right support system is crucial for healingAbout Our Guest:Dr. Courtney Warren is a board-certified clinical psychologist and author who specializes in addictions, self-deception, and eating pathology. Her TEDx talk "Honest Liars" has helped countless people understand the psychology behind self-deception and personal growth.Resources Mentioned:- Dr. Warren's TEDx Talk: "Honest Liars"- Dr. Cortney Warren's Website and Books - Support groups for relationship insecurity - Jealousy Junkie Facebook GroupQuote of the Episode:"You are not defined by your romantic relationships... whether you are loved or liked or rejected or single or coupled actually has no bearing on your value as a person." - Dr. Courtney WarrenPerfect for listeners who:- Struggle with jealousy in relationships- Want to build healthier romantic partnerships- Are ready to face their own self-deception- Feel alone in their relationship insecurities- Are working on building self-confidenceSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Feel like your relationship is hanging on by a thread?  Do you wonder if too much damage has been done to the relationship?  I was there too but you can turn things around.  Your relationship can recover from this, but it's might take you going against how you normally feel after an argument to make a difference.  It may take you recovering quickly instead of letting the shame and guilt of your actions take over.  Apologize to your partner, forgive yourself, and push yourself to get back to normal as quickly as possible.In fact:Research shows couples who recover quickly from disputes have higher relationship satisfactionOne partner's ability to recover quickly can positively impact the other partnerQuick recovery helps prevent conflict spillover into other areas of the relationshipHere are some common things to avoid but there's so much more packed in this episode:Getting defensive when partner isn't ready to accept apologiesSeeking excessive reassuranceEngaging in catastrophic thinking   Shanenn also shares some recovery strategies like:Use "I" statements when explaining your perspectiveFocus on impact rather than intentGive partner space to process their emotionsReturn to normal daily routinesAvoid forcing immediate reconciliation   ## Resources Mentioned- Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp- Individual coaching options- ForYourMarriage.com- PsychologicalScience.comSomething to highlight from the episode: "As bad as it gets, if you start making the changes, remember, you can make big changes with small steps."---## Social Media Posts### Post 1🔄 Recovery is key in relationships! Research shows couples who bounce back quickly from conflicts have higher satisfaction levels. It's not about never fighting - it's about how you recover and reconnect. #RelationshipAdvice #CoupleGoals #HealthyRelationships #TopSelfPodcast### Post 2💭 Struggling with post-conflict guilt? Stop the catastrophic thinking! Your relationship isn't doomed because of one argument. Learn how to recover and rebuild stronger than ever. New episode out now! #RelationshipTips #EmotionalHealth #PersonalGrowth #RelationshipGoals### Post 3🗝️ Quick Recovery Tip: Focus on impact, not intent. Take accountability for your actions without getting caught up in explanations. Sometimes the "why" conversation needs to wait.#RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfAwareness #CommunicationTips### Post 4💪 Your partner's recovery process might look different from yours - and that's okay! Give them space to process while maintaining your normal routine. Trust the process.#Relationships #LoveLanguage #UnderstandingOthers #HealthyCommunication### Post 5🌱 "You can make big changes with small steps." Ready to transform your relationship? Start with Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🎉 Special Announcement:Join our FREE Two-Day Self-Discovery Workshop!Dates: November 4th & 5th at 1:00 pm ETRegister at: topself.com/workshopI'm talking about you on this week's episode.  The REAL you.  Often we think we have to transform into someone else to overcome jealousy and insecurity and that seems like a huge feat to become your future self you want to be.However, you already ARE your future self.  In fact, you are much closer than you think because its not about changing who you are, its about uncovering the layers of pain, hurt, disappointment and programming that you've been layering on over the years, covering up that care-free, relaxed person you once where.Key Topics Covered:Why jealousy isn't who you are – it's just a protective patternUnderstanding the root causes of jealous behaviorHow your nervous system creates safety through controlWhy fighting jealousy doesn't work (and what to do instead)Accessing your future self's wisdom todayYou weren't born jealousy and insecure, you were conditioned that way.  These are just faulty, fear-driven habits—not core components of who you are. Your feelings are perfectly valid but the thoughts creating them may need to be examined and adjusted.Lucky for you... I have a free workshop coming up and I will share a little bit about what we'll do in that workshop in todays episode.  The link to join is in the show notes or go to Topself.com/workshop to register.  00:00  Welcome and Exciting Announcements00:10  Embracing the Fall Season00:59  Introduction to Identity and Future Self02:37  Challenging Jealousy as an Identity04:53  Understanding the Root of Jealousy06:23  Real-Life Examples of Jealousy11:00  The Role of Past Experiences13:26  Triggers and Nervous System Responses14:22  Different Relationship Dynamics17:45  Understanding True Safety18:25  Reprogramming Your Brain's Safety System19:15 Embracing Your Future Self20:24  Accessing Your Inner Confidence21:30  Join the Self Discovery Workshop23:21  The Layers Covering Your True Self25:42  Final Thoughts and Workshop DetailsSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Feeling needy?  Do you feel like you're high-maintenance and your constantly asking for things from your partner to make you feel better?It has everything to do with your core wounds and your relationship to self.  In this episode, Shanenn share's her acronym S.E.L.F to learn how to identify your personality needs and how to self-source those needs.She shares the importance of becoming the captain of your own ship to maintain emotional balance and independence. Shannen invites you to take small steps towards self-sufficiency and happiness. Don't miss this lighthearted take on serious topics, as she promises cracking the code on meeting your own needs could be a game-changing, life-altering experience. 00:00  Welcome and Introduction00:19  Understanding Limiting Beliefs01:03  Today's Topic: Meeting Your Own Needs01:41  The Acronym SELF05:49  Identifying Your Needs14:46  Steps to Identify and Meet Your Needs28:27  Conclusion and ChallengeSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

How we attach in relationships is everything!  That's why we talk about it so much on the podcast and this episode is full of attachment style nuggets you're not going to want to miss.  This week, Shanenn has none other than licensed marriage and family therapist and attachment coach Jessica DaSilva. Jessica not only shares her own experiences as a former fearful avoidant but discussed all four types: anxious, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and secure attachment. If you are wondering why you're friends are quite like you and could give a flying fruit loop about their husbands traveling out of town with a young co-worker, than slap on those earbuds and turn up the volume because Jessica's here to tell you why that is.00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome00:44 Understanding Attachment Styles02:17 Personal Journey with Fearful Avoidant Attachment04:04 Impact of Attachment Styles on Relationships04:51 Path to Becoming a Therapist07:49 Exploring Anxious Attachment12:48 Navigating Relationship Needs and Communication15:05 Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Dynamics17:44 Fearful Avoidant Attachment and Jealousy22:02 Strategies for Developing Secure Attachment31:13 Conclusion and Podcast PromotionSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you've been feeling like you are not strong enough to conquer this jealousy thing or you just dont have what it takes to change your life around, I'm here to tell you, that's not it.  That's not why so stop beating yourself up.  You may just being going about it in the wrong way.In this episode, Shanenn talks about the struggles of managing jealousy and insecurity despite trying various self-help techniques. She shares personal stories, including recent disruptions preventing new episodes, freeing a groundhog, dealing with a trapped skunk, and the misadventures of her skunk-sprayed German Shepherd BUT.... that's not even the good stuff you came here for. She shares the importance of addressing subconscious programming and introduces her upcoming 'Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp' for those feeling stuck in their emotional battles.00:00  Introduction to Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity01:37  Personal Updates and Apologies02:48  The Groundhog and Skunk Saga10:39  The Main Topic: Addressing Jealousy and Insecurity13:35  The Turning Point: Therapy and Self-Discovery18:00  Understanding the Subconscious Mind23:22  Invitation to Join the Bootcamp25:08  Conclusion and Upcoming EpisodesSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Ever been caught in the whirlwind of 'should I or shouldn't I?' when it comes to relationships? This episode takes a deep dive into the life-changing realization that the real question isn't about what to do, but about who you want to be. Do you want to be a jealous, anxious person or someone who trusts and opens their heart? Tune in to learn how settling your internal chaos can transform your life and relationships.00:00 Understanding Your Inner Self00:12 The Dilemma of Trust and Action00:27 Defining Your Desired Self00:50 Practicing the Person You Want to BeCheck out Abby's amazing Tedx Talk Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

The one thing I hear so much is how ashamed you are about being jealous, it actually even affects the growth of this podcast because you don't share it with your friends and family because you don't want them to know you're this way.  But I know you don't want to be this way and I also know that unfortunately you feel as ashamed and judgement because people will say your crazy, psycho or nuts and that makes you feel even worse.Guess what, you don't deserve for ANYONE to say that to you.  Not your spouse, your partner, your friend, your family members... no one.  And on the show today, I talk about why you don't deserve it.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of the Top Self podcast, I talk with Michelle Brown, a functional nutrition and lifestyle practitioner with a specialty in the biology of trauma. Michelle explains how trauma affects the body's nervous system and the importance of addressing both mind and body to heal. This episode is a good reminder that other factors are at play within our body when it comes to jealousy and we have to take a holistic approach.  Michelle covers 2 BIG things to consider and put on your radar as you work to overcome your jealousy:how nutritional imbalances, neurotransmitters, and traumatic experiences can influence mood disorders, chronic pain, and other health issues. practical tips, including a mood fix assessment and somatic tools, for recognizing and addressing these imbalances for better mental and physical health.00:00  Introduction to the Podcast and Guest00:26  Understanding the Biology of Trauma01:37  Mind-Body Connection and Its Impact05:13  The Role of Methylation in Mental Health08:28  Exploring Neurotransmitter Imbalances13:07  Addressing Trauma Responses17:13  Practical Steps for Nervous System Regulation27:19  Conclusion and Final ThoughtsGrab Michelle's Mood-Fix Assessment hereSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.