TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

In this powerful episode, Shanenn opens up about childhood trauma and how it shapes our relationship behaviors through hypervigilance.Episode HighlightsThe development of hypervigilance as a childhood survival skillHow childhood experiences with alcoholic parents can create heightened threat detection systemsWhy hypervigilance often gets mistaken for good intuitionThe physical and emotional toll of maintaining constant vigilanceKey Insights70% of children from alcoholic homes develop hypervigilant traits that persist into adulthoodOur body's stress response system gets programmed in childhoodEmotional threats are processed by our bodies the same way as physical threatsHypervigilance can create false beliefs and misinterpretation of neutral situationsReferences Mentioned"The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk - Purchase BookPlease note, I am an Amazon affiliate and I may receive a commission if you purchase this book from this linkBehind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp - Register hereAny issues with registration reach out to support@topself.comCall to ActionJoin the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp for:- Access to the Overthinkers Toolkit- 21 days of core wound reprogramming- Daily check-ins and support- Private session included- Workbook and guided meditation resourcesTime Stamps[00:00:00] Introduction and welcome[00:01:22] Personal story about childhood trauma[00:05:04] Development of hypervigilance as a survival skill[00:06:21] Scientific explanation of threat detection systems[00:09:15] Research on childhood trauma and relationship hypervigilance[00:15:07] Difference between curiosity and hypervigilance[00:17:06] Body tension awareness exercise[00:21:12] Reference to "The Body Keeps the Score" exercises[00:22:18] Information about the bootcamp program[00:25:52] Closing thoughts and practical steps forwardSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Wanna know the science behind being happier?  Check out this week's episode with Tedx speaker and happiness expert Tia Graham.Tia Graham shares some powerful stuff about choosing happiness, managing triggers, and transforming childhood trauma. From practical happiness frameworks to deeply personal stories about motherhood and healing, this episode is jammed packed with valuable tools for anyone looking to increase their joy and emotional regulation.Episode Highlights:The SPIRE framework for wellbeing: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, and EmotionalWhy some people are naturally happier than others (and what we can all do about it)How childhood trauma can impact our adult relationships and parentingPractical tools for managing triggers and regulating your nervous systemThe power of short, meaningful connections with friendsKey Takeaways:The MEDS Framework for Daily HappinessThree Ways to Increase HappinessTools for Managing TriggersGuest Spotlight:Tia Graham is a happiness expert and speaker who helps working moms find peace, joy, and emotional regulation. After transforming her own relationship with happiness through both personal experience and scientific study, she now leads the Calm Working Moms Collective.Resources Mentioned:Book: "Self Compassion" by Dr. Kristen NeffFree Resource: 30 Self-Care Practices in 5 Minutes or Less at www.calmworkingmoms.com/selfcareThe Calm Working Moms CollectivePerfect For Listeners Who:Want to increase their daily happinessStruggle with emotional triggersAre working through childhood traumaNeed practical self-regulation toolsWant to build stronger relationshipsQuotable Moments:"Happiness is a choice and it's something that you have agency over.""Everyone can make it better for themselves... there is a component of choice and agency, and that's really around your thoughts, your behaviors, your responses."Timestamp Highlights:[00:01:23]  Tia's journey into happiness research [00:04:17]  Understanding happiness set points [00:04:51]  The SPIRE framework explained [00:12:33]  Personal story about childhood trauma [00:17:14]   Practical tools for emotional regulation [00:21:25]  Free self-care resource introductionSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Ever caught yourself having a meltdown or giving your partner the cold shoulder because you're feeling insecure? (Been there, done that!)  In this follow-up to our conversation with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, we're going in hard on a game-changing truth: the only person who can't abandon you is yourself.  Get ready for some fiery talk about self-trust, validation-seeking, and why your inner child needs a time-out from running your relationships.Key TakeawaysWhy are you testing your partner with "abandonment scales" that don't exist How suppressing emotions is actually self-abandonment in disguiseThe truth about external validation and why it's like trying to fill a leaky bucketWhy building self-trust doesn't mean becoming a totally independent islandHow to stop abandoning yourself (even when you're feeling super insecure)Memorable Quotes💭 "Self-trust is the belief that you can rely on yourself to make decisions, handle emotions, and honor your needs"Signs You Might Be Abandoning YourselfIgnoring or suppressing your true feelingsSaying "yes" when you really mean "no"Overworking to prove your worthPutting others' needs first (even when you're running on empty)Tolerating disrespect to keep the peaceYour Self-Trust Action PlanNotice when you're seeking external validationChallenge your black-and-white thinkingStart honoring your emotions Practice setting boundariesTrust that you can handle whatever comes your wayEpisode Timeline00:00 Welcome & Episode Recap02:33 The Only Person Who Can't Abandon You07:15 What Would Complete Self-Trust Feel Like?12:45 The Closet Meltdown Story18:30 Understanding Self-Abandonment25:45 Building Real Self-Trust29:20 Final Thoughts & ResourcesResources MentionedFree Self-Discovery Workshop (Registration is Open!)Last Week's Episode with Dr. Brittany McGeehan (Episode 100) Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

This episode is fire! 🔥In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn talks with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, who dropped a major truth bomb that made her stop everything: You’ll have to hit play to hear it.  This may be the only thing you need to hear today!   Dr. McGeehan, a licensed psychologist and performance coach specializing in empowering high-achieving female CEOs, shares the "Drama Triangle" and why we keep getting stuck in these relationship cycles.  And you better believe Shanenn of course asked her how to get off the Drama Triangle cycle.Key Moments:2:36 - Review of the Drama Triangle (your new favorite relationship framework)5:03 - The sneaky way victim mode shows up 15:18 - Your practical escape route from the triangle 21:40 - Why female CEOs are exceptional fixers Golden Episode Nuggets:💎 Your inner five-year-old has bigger control issues than you think💎 The most dangerous thing you can do is talk to another human being (what?)💎 Why your planning mode might be making things worse💎 Giving the silent treatment is just spicy punishment in disguiseDon't Miss Moments:"Humans are messy. The most dangerous thing you can do in life is talk to another human being and be in relationship with them." - on why relationships are inherently risky"Adults always have a choice. We might not feel like we do, and we might not like that choice, but we always have a choice." - on breaking free from victim modeResources Mentioned:- The Drama Triangle Framework- The Powerhouse Paradox FrameworkAbout Our Guest:Dr. Brittany McGeehan is a licensed psychologist and performance coach who helps high-achieving female CEOs navigate personal and professional challenges through inner child work and leadership development.Take Action:Ready to figure out your drama profile? Take Dr. McGeehan's Powerhouse Paradox Quiz to discover your unique profile and get a personalized roadmap for building better relationships.Perfect for listeners who:- Find themselves constantly trying to "fix" their partner- Feel trapped between victim and villain roles- Are tired of being the relationship project manager- Want to understand why they keep falling into the same patterns- Need to stop treating their partner like a task listSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Shanenn understands how deeply our patterns are embedded in every corner of our existence. It turns out that relationship anxiety isn't just an isolated phenomenon – it's part of a larger tapestry of how we navigate life's complexities.What We're Diving Into:The revelation that your inner critic has apparently developed a rather impressive portfolio, showing up everywhere in your life from dating, to work, to relationships... all of itWhat Top Self is currently offering so you can make this your year of change.The fascinating discovery that our defense mechanisms are surprisingly consistent performers across all life domainsNotable Moments:"Our programming isn't compartmentalized" – which explains why some people lead the way they do, why some people react the way they do, why some people take things so personally.  our patterns are everywhere and we are on autopilot unaware of most of them.  What's Available For You Now:Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp: Six weeks of methodical pattern disruption ($397)One-on-one coaching: For those ready to conduct a thorough investigation of their life patternsCIS Membership: A collective of women examining their shared experiences with refreshing candorEpisode Breakdown: 00:00 - Embracing 2025 01:00 - The Paradigm Shift 03:00 - Origins and Evolution 05:00 - Pattern Recognition 08:00 - Strategic Next Steps 12:00 - Closing ThoughtsRemember: You're part of a community navigating these waters together.For your next steps in pattern recognition and reformation, visit topself.com/bootcamp.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

What will you be thinking ONE YEAR from now?Will it be the same thoughts you're having today?  Will you're focus be on the same things?In this episode, we explore how your life could look totally different one year from now and why your thoughts might be your biggest obstacle to change. Shanenn gives an example of what she calls "heavy thinking" or better known as a thought spiral and suggests you could try to do the opposite.What?Shanenn shares:How your thoughts have likely been your biggest enemy this year and the physical impact of negative thought spirals on your body and emotions 🌀Why "heavy thinking" can be as intoxicating like heavy drinking, and how it leads to anxiety, upset stomach, and racing thoughts 😰The snowball effect of negative thoughts and how one small trigger (like a partner's schedule change) can lead to a full-blown emotional crisis 🔄The power of intentionally changing your "think of choice" and creating positive thought spirals for the new year 🌟Don't Miss Moments:"Repetition plus emotion programs life's commotion" - on how repeated thought patterns shape our reality"What if, in this new year, you intentionally change your think of choice?" - on taking control of your thought patternsAction Items from the Episode:Practice awareness of your thought patternsStart creating intentional positive thought spiralsEnvision how you want to feel and think in the next yearConsider joining the upcoming Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp in early FebruaryPractice positive overthinking, especially during morning anxietyYou would be amazed what a difference a year can make and you're worth putting in the time!00:00 Introduction and the Power of Belief in Change02:15 Understanding Heavy Thinking03:45 The Spiral of Negative Thoughts04:30 Physical and Emotional Impact of Thought Patterns05:20 Creating Positive Thought Spirals06:40 Envisioning Your Future SelfSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🎁  Only a few days left to claim your "Pay-What-You-Can" Coaching Session with me.This episode talks about the crucial difference between guilt and shame, and why one might be secretly sabotaging your relationship growth.Shanenn shares:• How guilt is like your relationship GPS - letting you know when you've made a wrong turn, while shame is more like a brick wall blocking all possible routes 🚧• Why treating yourself like your own mean girl isn't helping (and what Brené Brown has to say about it) 💭Don't Miss Moments:• "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change" - breaking down Brené Brown's powerful insight• "We're not going to take the steps to become self-aware if we believe we're fundamentally flawed" - on why shame keeps us stuckAction Items from the Episode:• Notice the difference between "I did something bad" vs. "I am bad"• Practice self-compassion by asking "What would I say to a friend?"• Start shortening your recovery time after jealous reactions• Break free from shame cycles with practical tools• Save your spot in the January "Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp"⚡️ Special Holiday Offer: Book your pay-what-you-can coaching session (min. $25) through December 31st at www.topself.com - Limited spots remaining!00:00 Understanding Jealousy and Negative Emotions00:18 Holiday Season Special: 12 Hours of Giving01:58 Exciting Announcements for 202502:41 Introduction to Guilt and Shame03:46 The Difference Between Guilt and Shame04:33 The Impact of Guilt and Shame on Jealousy10:44 Strategies to Manage Guilt and Shame12:02 Upcoming Bootcamp and Final ThoughtsSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Do you enjoy how you're currently spending your time?  Do you feel like you use your time wisely?  When I am insecure and jealous, I don't!  When you're feeling jealous, most likely you are spending your very precious time thinking about your partner rather than spending it on things that bring you joy, not a stomach ache.In this episode, Shanenn and Dr. Adam Dorsay talk about the concept of connection in our modern world. Despite being more technologically connected than ever, many people struggle with loneliness and disconnection. Dr. Dorsay shares insights from his new book, Super Psyched about authentic connection and how to find it in various aspects of life.Key Topics Discussed:The paradox of being technologically connected yet feeling disconnectedThe four dimensions of connection: self, others, world, and something greaterHow social media comparison affects our relationships and self-imagePractical tips for maintaining long-distance friendshipsCreating novel experiences with your partner to strengthen connectionThe importance of investing time in activities that truly energize usNotable Quotes: "We're more connected technologically than ever before... And yet, we are less connected than ever before." - Dr. Adam DorsayResources Mentioned:Dr. Dorsay's Book Super PsychedSuper Psyched PodcastDr. Pat Love's "Hot Monogamy"Connect with Dr. Adam Dorsay:Website: www.dradamdorsay.comTEDx Talks: "Friendship in Adulthood" and "Men and Emotions"Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Ever felt like you're starring in your own personal soap opera where every relationship ends with infidelity? Host Shanenn Bryant unpacks her own journey from "everyone cheats on me" to "huh, maybe I should check my math" in this eye-opening episode.Key Takeaways:A shocking 50% of our memories aren't even accurate (Thanks, Dr. Joe Dispenza, for this incredibly eye-opening fact)Only 20-23% of men cheat in relationships (Sorry to ruin your trust issues with actual statistics)Married people cheat less than unmarried folks (Apparently, putting a ring on it does mean something to both men and women)The divorce rate isn't all about cheating (Turns out money problems are the real home-wrecker)Shanenn shares a mind-blowing exercise that will make you question EVERYTHING you thought you knew about your dating history. Spoiler alert: her "everyone cheats on me" narrative turned out to be more like "25% of people cheated on me." Talk about a plot twist!The Episode Breakdown:✓ The relationship audit: A step-by-step guide to analyzing your dating history (grab your pen and tissues)✓ The truth behind the numbers: Why your "everyone cheats" story might be as reliable as your ex's excusesCrucial Reality Checks:Your partner's cheating probably has more to do with their issues than your worthYoung relationships, unstable backgrounds, and core wounds all play a role in infidelityIf your "yes" list is above 50%, you might not have a cheating problem – you might have a "picking partners" problemWant to dive deeper? Shanenn mentions her "Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp" coming up in January for those ready to break free from their trust issues and core wounds.Contact: sbryant@topself.com to share your own percentage or insights from this exercise.Remember: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean your math is right. Time to crunch those numbers and maybe, just maybe, give trust a fighting chance.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Ever catch yourself saying "just so you know, I know what you COULD be doing" to your partner... even when you're pretty sure they're innocent? In this episode, Shanenn's calling you out when she gets into why we sometimes choose accusation over acceptance, even when our rational brain is screaming the obvious.THE HEART OF ITThe moment your logical brain offers the truth (and why we often ignore it)Why we feel the need to prove we're "not stupid" in relationshipsThe protective pattern of "just so you know I know" statementsHow choosing trust over proof can completely change your relationshipHave you ever noticed that quiet moment before you launch into relationship detective mode? That split second where your mind offers up a perfectly reasonable explanation, yet something pushes you to prove you're not easily fooled? Shanenn breaks down this fascinating pattern and reveals why our need to appear "aware" might actually be working against us.Through real-life examples, she shows us how these small moments of choice can shift our entire relationship dynamic. Learn why phrases like "just so you know, I know" might be hurting your relationship.  Other topics covered in this episode are:The split second when your rational brain offers the logical explanationWhy proving you're "aware" actually creates more anxietyThe freedom in choosing not to voice every suspicionHow tiny choices to trust can lead to massive relationship shiftsTRUTH BOMBS "Your life will be so much calmer, so much happier, and with less anxiety if you make the choice of saying, 'You know what, I'm going to go with this logical explanation.'"MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE[Coming Soon] "Triggered to Transformation" CourseEmail: sbryant@topself.com (Share your moments of choosing trust over suspicion!)YOUR NEXT STEPS (Choose Your Own Adventure)Notice when you're about to launch into "just so you know" modePause when your brain offers the logical explanationTry sitting with the peaceful explanation (just for 5 minutes!)Share your experience with Shanenn at sbryant@topself.comDid this episode hit home? Share it with someone who's ready to choose peace over proof.Remember: Choosing not to say "just so you know" doesn't make you naive - it makes you brave.00:00 Introduction to Top Self Podcast00:49 A Teenage Adventure: Sneaking Out04:41 The Consequences and Realizations09:10 Understanding Triggers and Jealousy17:49 Making Healthier Choices21:28 Conclusion and Listener EngagementSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.