TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

In this powerful episode of Top Self, host Shanenn Bryant sits down with Leah Lemberg, who shares her remarkable journey from growing up in an alcoholic home to becoming 16 years sober and helping others transform their lives. From IV drug use at 18 to finding sobriety and purpose, Leah's story offers hope and practical wisdom for anyone struggling with addiction, unhealthy patterns, or leadership challenges.Golden Nuggets:💎 "How am I complicit in creating the conditions that I say I don't want?" - A powerful question for self-reflection 💎 Creating space in your day for reflection helps you make better choices when triggered 💎 There's always a moment of choice between reactive patterns and intentional responses 💎 Recovery isn't just about abstinence - there's a "third way" that offers true freedom 💎 "How you show up here is how you show up everywhere" - Our patterns affect all areas of lifeAbout Our Guest:Leah Lemberg is a coach who combines her 16 years of sobriety experience with business leadership expertise. After transforming her own life, she now helps others apply 12-step principles to business and personal challenges. Her sobriety date is January 9, 2009.Perfect for listeners who:Are struggling with addiction or have loved ones who areWant to break unhealthy patterns in their personal or professional livesAre interested in applying 12-step principles to business leadershipNeed strategies for self-reflection and emotional regulationWant to improve how they show up in their relationships and workResources Mentioned:Book: "Reboot" by Jerry ColonnaKey Moments:[00:01:07] Introduction to Leah Lemberg and her dog Ajax[00:02:28] Leah shares her background growing up in an alcoholic home[00:04:35] Discussion of the rarity of maintaining sobriety[00:06:27] How addiction affects family dynamics and connectivity[00:08:04] The impact of maintaining appearances and facades[00:09:23] Exploring hypervigilance and its effects on relationships[00:13:47] How Leah transformed her experiences into helping others[00:16:04] The powerful question: "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"[00:18:26] Breakdown of the 12-step approach adapted for business and personal growth[00:20:48] The "Hansel and Gretel" approach to reflection and awareness[00:23:50] The "Trash Heap" analogy for making better choices[00:28:22] Leah's wisdom on finding "the third way" beyond using and white-knucklingSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Dr. Greg Stewart, counselor, executive coach, and author to explore why insecurity might be the most valuable emotion we experience. Dr. Stewart shares his powerful framework for understanding emotional triggers and reveals how owning our insecurities can be the key to personal freedom.From his concept of "the house of your heart" to practical techniques like "embrace the digs," Dr. Stewart offers a refreshing perspective on emotional intelligence that can transform how you experience your relationships.Golden Nuggets:💎 "The plain and simple fact that you can't stand it when you fail proves it's not who you are at your core." - Dr. Greg Stewart💎 "What happens when we take things personally? The insult is impacting our value and worth. And it should not."💎 "Your identity is you at your best. This takes the impact of failures and weaknesses down from devastating to just disappointing."💎 "I don't need my partner to validate or pursue me. I want them to, but I don't need them to."💎 "When a strength is taken too far, it becomes a weakness—especially when we experience negative emotion."About Our Guest:Dr. Greg Stewart is a counselor, executive coach, and consultant who spent 15 years as a pastor and 3 years in organizational development. He's the author of two books: "I Cubed" for individual growth and "I Cubed for Couples," with a third book "I Cubed for Leaders" in development. Dr. Stewart completed his PhD studying emotional intelligence and brings a unique perspective on healing from insecurity and developing healthy relationships.Resources Mentioned:Dr. Greg Stewart's book "I Cubed" for individual growth and developmentDr. Greg Stewart's book "I Cubed for Couples" for relationship developmentComing Soon: "I Cubed for Leaders" (Fall release)Perfect for listeners who:Struggle with jealousy or insecurity in their relationshipsWant to stop taking things personally and being easily triggeredNeed to break free from seeking validation from othersAre working on building confidence and self-worthWant to understand the deeper causes of their emotional reactionsAction Steps:Identify what lies you believe about yourself that cause "inflation of emotion"Practice "embracing the digs" by owning truthful criticism instead of defendingEvaluate whether your need for validation is making you emotionally dependentRecognize when your strengths might be taken too far and becoming weaknessesAsk yourself "What did I lose?" from past trauma that you need to reclaimEpisode Highlights:[00:01:16] Why insecurity is the "richest emotion" for what it can reveal about ourselves[00:02:49] The concept of "inflation of emotion" and why we often react more intensely than situations warrant[00:04:08] The three main reasons ouSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Dr. Rachel Glik, a licensed professional counselor with over 30 years of experience as a couples and individual therapist. Dr. Glik shares insights from her new book "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose," offering her thoughts on how to nurture lasting love and embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth.Golden Episode Nuggets:💎 "The impact of our own personal growth work and turning to ourselves first to transform, evolve, heal, and feel whole is how we create a better impact with the people in our lives."💎 "When we are reactive, we only plant seeds that keep us in the same patterns."💎 "Your relationship is your purpose to grow. Whenever there's growth, there's some sort of confusion or conflict."💎 "Don't stop growing. Don't be afraid to grow. You can do it thoughtfully while still respecting your partner's journey."💎 "People who are going to have long-lasting energy in their relationship are those who continue growing together."About Our Guest:Dr. Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with more than 30 years of experience as a couples and individual therapist in her private practice. She has been featured on Fox 2 AM Show in St. Louis as a relationship and mental health expert. Her new book "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose" offers a comprehensive approach to creating lasting, fulfilling relationships.Resources Mentioned:Dr. Rachel Glik's book: "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose"The "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" assessment questions in the book's addendumPerfect for listeners who:Are experiencing relationship friction and want to reframe it as an opportunity for growthNeed guidance on having productive conversations about relationship growth with their partnerWant to understand the role of personal responsibility in relationship challengesAre questioning whether to stay in or leave their current relationshipAre considering marriage and want to establish a strong foundationEpisode Highlights:[00:01:36] Dr. Glik discusses the various anxieties people experience around marriage and commitment[00:03:07] Why lasting love is a trainable skill that begins with internal growth[00:04:44] Strategies for sharing relationship wisdom with a partner who may not be receptive to reading self-help books[00:07:08] Finding balance between actively working on relationship issues and simply enjoying what's good[00:09:17] The importance of stepping back from problems to gain perspective and find unexpected solutions[00:12:10] How commitment to the process (rather than immediate solutions) creSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🤣 🤣  Get ready to laugh your way through relationship real talk! In this episode, we're joined by the hilarious duo from the "We're Not Fine" podcast - relationship therapist Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen - for an unfiltered discussion about those "Is this normal?" relationship questions.Shanenn, Talia, and Doug dive into:The great memorabilia debate: Is it okay to keep items from past relationships?The Instagram thirst trap dilemma: When does looking become liking?The workplace flirting fear: Where's the line between friendly and flirty?Don't Miss Moments:"We're all human. And one of the things I think we don't do well in our culture is allow humanness." - on relationship reality checks"If you can't have fun and make light sometimes about serious things, you know, we just gotta lighten the mood sometimes." - on keeping perspectiveThe hilarious algorithm incident that has Doug mysteriously following muscular men cooking with pugs 🐶Golden Nuggets: 💎 Transparency and trust are more important than trying to protect your partner from difficult truths 💎 Every relationship needs its own unique agreements about boundaries 💎 Growth in relationships often means moving from insecurity to security through open communication 💎 Sometimes the hardest conversations are the most important ones to haveAction Items from the Episode:Have an open discussion with your partner about relationship boundaries and agreementsPractice distinguishing between secrecy and privacy in your relationshipConsider whether your social media behavior aligns with your relationship valuesRemember that what works for one couple might not work for anotherAbout Our Guests: Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen host the "We're Not Fine" podcast where they talk about relationships with no holds barred. Their combined expertise in relationship therapy and real-world experience brings both professional insight and practical wisdom to relationship discussions.Find the Guests:Instagram: @DouglaslJensen and @DrTaliaJacksonPodcast: We're Not FineWebsite: werenotfine.comYouTube: We're Not FineTikTok: @werenotfinePerfect for listeners who:Want honest, unfiltered relationship adviceNeed a good laugh while tackling serious topicsAre curious about what's "normal" in relationshipsWant to build healthier relationship boundariesEnjoy real talk about modern relationship challengesSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

❤️ The Date Doctor is Here!In this episode of Top Self, we sit down with Dr. Christie Kederian, renowned relationship therapist, former eHarmony matchmaker, and author of the upcoming book "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate." Dr. K shares her expert insights on building healthy relationships, understanding family dynamics, and navigating the modern dating landscape with authenticity and purpose.Key Moments🎯 [02:04] The unique perspective of a therapist-matchmaker and the importance of having expert guidance in relationship choices 🎯 [05:09] Understanding family dynamics and how they shape our relationship patterns 🎯 [09:42] How to have vulnerable conversations about your past without oversharing 🎯 [17:54] Reading relationship red flags through someone's response to boundaries 🎯 [22:37] The truth about chemistry: It's more than just physical attraction 🎯 [29:58] Why over-filtering potential partners might be blocking you from finding love 🎯 [32:39] The role of attachment styles in relationship dynamicsGolden Nuggets💎 Chemistry isn't just about initial spark - it develops over time and has multiple dimensions 💎 It typically takes women 5-7 dates to truly sense chemistry with someone 💎 Your family background influences your relationship patterns, whether you're close to them or not 💎 The "village mentality" is crucial for healthy relationships - don't expect your partner to be everything 💎 True empathy is a key indicator of relationship potentialAbout Our GuestDr. Christie Kederian is a renowned relationship therapist and former eHarmony matchmaker known as "The Date Doctor." Her upcoming book "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate" provides a strategic roadmap for finding and maintaining healthy relationships.Action Steps for ListenersPractice sharing vulnerable information progressively rather than all at onceNotice how potential partners respond to your boundariesLook beyond surface-level chemistry to explore emotional and intellectual connectionsConsider how your family background influences your relationship patternsFocus on one date at a time instead of immediately evaluating long-term potentialNotable Quotes"Chemistry has a lot more to do with the connection with someone over a period of time... There's physical chemistry, emotional chemistry, intellectual chemistry." - Dr. Christie Kederian"How someone responds when you communicate that you're triggered... that's where really the beautiful corrective emotional experience happens." - Dr. Christie KederianPerfect For Listeners Who:Are actively dating and feeling overwhelmed by the processWant to understand how their family background affects their relationshipsStruggle with vulnerability and sharing their pastAre seeking to build deeper, more meaningful connectionsWant to understand the true nature of chemistry and compatibiliSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this powerful episode, Shanenn opens up about childhood trauma and how it shapes our relationship behaviors through hypervigilance.Episode HighlightsThe development of hypervigilance as a childhood survival skillHow childhood experiences with alcoholic parents can create heightened threat detection systemsWhy hypervigilance often gets mistaken for good intuitionThe physical and emotional toll of maintaining constant vigilanceKey Insights70% of children from alcoholic homes develop hypervigilant traits that persist into adulthoodOur body's stress response system gets programmed in childhoodEmotional threats are processed by our bodies the same way as physical threatsHypervigilance can create false beliefs and misinterpretation of neutral situationsReferences Mentioned"The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk - Purchase BookPlease note, I am an Amazon affiliate and I may receive a commission if you purchase this book from this linkBehind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp - Register hereAny issues with registration reach out to support@topself.comCall to ActionJoin the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp for:- Access to the Overthinkers Toolkit- 21 days of core wound reprogramming- Daily check-ins and support- Private session included- Workbook and guided meditation resourcesTime Stamps[00:00:00] Introduction and welcome[00:01:22] Personal story about childhood trauma[00:05:04] Development of hypervigilance as a survival skill[00:06:21] Scientific explanation of threat detection systems[00:09:15] Research on childhood trauma and relationship hypervigilance[00:15:07] Difference between curiosity and hypervigilance[00:17:06] Body tension awareness exercise[00:21:12] Reference to "The Body Keeps the Score" exercises[00:22:18] Information about the bootcamp program[00:25:52] Closing thoughts and practical steps forwardSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Wanna know the science behind being happier?  Check out this week's episode with Tedx speaker and happiness expert Tia Graham.Tia Graham shares some powerful stuff about choosing happiness, managing triggers, and transforming childhood trauma. From practical happiness frameworks to deeply personal stories about motherhood and healing, this episode is jammed packed with valuable tools for anyone looking to increase their joy and emotional regulation.Episode Highlights:The SPIRE framework for wellbeing: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, and EmotionalWhy some people are naturally happier than others (and what we can all do about it)How childhood trauma can impact our adult relationships and parentingPractical tools for managing triggers and regulating your nervous systemThe power of short, meaningful connections with friendsKey Takeaways:The MEDS Framework for Daily HappinessThree Ways to Increase HappinessTools for Managing TriggersGuest Spotlight:Tia Graham is a happiness expert and speaker who helps working moms find peace, joy, and emotional regulation. After transforming her own relationship with happiness through both personal experience and scientific study, she now leads the Calm Working Moms Collective.Resources Mentioned:Book: "Self Compassion" by Dr. Kristen NeffFree Resource: 30 Self-Care Practices in 5 Minutes or Less at www.calmworkingmoms.com/selfcareThe Calm Working Moms CollectivePerfect For Listeners Who:Want to increase their daily happinessStruggle with emotional triggersAre working through childhood traumaNeed practical self-regulation toolsWant to build stronger relationshipsQuotable Moments:"Happiness is a choice and it's something that you have agency over.""Everyone can make it better for themselves... there is a component of choice and agency, and that's really around your thoughts, your behaviors, your responses."Timestamp Highlights:[00:01:23]  Tia's journey into happiness research [00:04:17]  Understanding happiness set points [00:04:51]  The SPIRE framework explained [00:12:33]  Personal story about childhood trauma [00:17:14]   Practical tools for emotional regulation [00:21:25]  Free self-care resource introductionSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Ever caught yourself having a meltdown or giving your partner the cold shoulder because you're feeling insecure? (Been there, done that!)  In this follow-up to our conversation with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, we're going in hard on a game-changing truth: the only person who can't abandon you is yourself.  Get ready for some fiery talk about self-trust, validation-seeking, and why your inner child needs a time-out from running your relationships.Key TakeawaysWhy are you testing your partner with "abandonment scales" that don't exist How suppressing emotions is actually self-abandonment in disguiseThe truth about external validation and why it's like trying to fill a leaky bucketWhy building self-trust doesn't mean becoming a totally independent islandHow to stop abandoning yourself (even when you're feeling super insecure)Memorable Quotes💭 "Self-trust is the belief that you can rely on yourself to make decisions, handle emotions, and honor your needs"Signs You Might Be Abandoning YourselfIgnoring or suppressing your true feelingsSaying "yes" when you really mean "no"Overworking to prove your worthPutting others' needs first (even when you're running on empty)Tolerating disrespect to keep the peaceYour Self-Trust Action PlanNotice when you're seeking external validationChallenge your black-and-white thinkingStart honoring your emotions Practice setting boundariesTrust that you can handle whatever comes your wayEpisode Timeline00:00 Welcome & Episode Recap02:33 The Only Person Who Can't Abandon You07:15 What Would Complete Self-Trust Feel Like?12:45 The Closet Meltdown Story18:30 Understanding Self-Abandonment25:45 Building Real Self-Trust29:20 Final Thoughts & ResourcesResources MentionedFree Self-Discovery Workshop (Registration is Open!)Last Week's Episode with Dr. Brittany McGeehan (Episode 100) Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

This episode is fire! 🔥In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn talks with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, who dropped a major truth bomb that made her stop everything: You’ll have to hit play to hear it.  This may be the only thing you need to hear today!   Dr. McGeehan, a licensed psychologist and performance coach specializing in empowering high-achieving female CEOs, shares the "Drama Triangle" and why we keep getting stuck in these relationship cycles.  And you better believe Shanenn of course asked her how to get off the Drama Triangle cycle.Key Moments:2:36 - Review of the Drama Triangle (your new favorite relationship framework)5:03 - The sneaky way victim mode shows up 15:18 - Your practical escape route from the triangle 21:40 - Why female CEOs are exceptional fixers Golden Episode Nuggets:💎 Your inner five-year-old has bigger control issues than you think💎 The most dangerous thing you can do is talk to another human being (what?)💎 Why your planning mode might be making things worse💎 Giving the silent treatment is just spicy punishment in disguiseDon't Miss Moments:"Humans are messy. The most dangerous thing you can do in life is talk to another human being and be in relationship with them." - on why relationships are inherently risky"Adults always have a choice. We might not feel like we do, and we might not like that choice, but we always have a choice." - on breaking free from victim modeResources Mentioned:- The Drama Triangle Framework- The Powerhouse Paradox FrameworkAbout Our Guest:Dr. Brittany McGeehan is a licensed psychologist and performance coach who helps high-achieving female CEOs navigate personal and professional challenges through inner child work and leadership development.Take Action:Ready to figure out your drama profile? Take Dr. McGeehan's Powerhouse Paradox Quiz to discover your unique profile and get a personalized roadmap for building better relationships.Perfect for listeners who:- Find themselves constantly trying to "fix" their partner- Feel trapped between victim and villain roles- Are tired of being the relationship project manager- Want to understand why they keep falling into the same patterns- Need to stop treating their partner like a task listSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Shanenn understands how deeply our patterns are embedded in every corner of our existence. It turns out that relationship anxiety isn't just an isolated phenomenon – it's part of a larger tapestry of how we navigate life's complexities.What We're Diving Into:The revelation that your inner critic has apparently developed a rather impressive portfolio, showing up everywhere in your life from dating, to work, to relationships... all of itWhat Top Self is currently offering so you can make this your year of change.The fascinating discovery that our defense mechanisms are surprisingly consistent performers across all life domainsNotable Moments:"Our programming isn't compartmentalized" – which explains why some people lead the way they do, why some people react the way they do, why some people take things so personally.  our patterns are everywhere and we are on autopilot unaware of most of them.  What's Available For You Now:Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp: Six weeks of methodical pattern disruption ($397)One-on-one coaching: For those ready to conduct a thorough investigation of their life patternsCIS Membership: A collective of women examining their shared experiences with refreshing candorEpisode Breakdown: 00:00 - Embracing 2025 01:00 - The Paradigm Shift 03:00 - Origins and Evolution 05:00 - Pattern Recognition 08:00 - Strategic Next Steps 12:00 - Closing ThoughtsRemember: You're part of a community navigating these waters together.For your next steps in pattern recognition and reformation, visit topself.com/bootcamp.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.