Are You Guilty Of This Common Habit That Destroys Relationships w/ Jessica Higgins EP 109

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with relationship and communication expert Dr. Jessica Higgins to unpack one of the sneakiest relationship saboteurs: criticism.
 
Whether you’re nitpicking over the garage door or bottling resentment until it explodes, criticism can quietly damage your emotional connection. Dr. Higgins breaks down why we criticize, how it's often tied to fear, insecurity, or control—and what to do instead.
 
From revealing instead of blaming, to communicating needs without making your partner defensive, this episode is packed with powerful reframes and tools to shift from criticism to connection.

Key Moments:

·       2:00 – Why criticism is often an attempt to control, not connect

·       6:00 – How to tell the difference between a complaint an emotional need

·       12:20 – What your criticism is actually trying to say

·       20:40 – How to turn a complaint into a “reveal or request”

·       29:00 – The neuroscience behind why we misread our partner’s silence

·       38:00 – A hilarious hot tub story that’ll test your jealousy triggers

Golden Episode Nuggets:

💎  Criticism is often a shield for unspoken fear or vulnerability

💎  Most people don’t sign up for unsolicited feedback in their relationships

💎  Turning a complaint into a request helps your partner want to meet your needs

💎  You can feel connected and secure—even in uncertain moments

💎  When you reveal your “real” feeling, your partner is more likely to show up for you

About Our Guest:

Dr. Jessica Higgins is a licensed psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the Empowered Relationship podcast. She helps couples break out of reactive patterns and build deeper emotional intimacy. Her work blends neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and practical tools to help couples thrive.
 
Her free guide, “Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication,” offers powerful real-life examples to help you reframe common communication pitfalls and start getting your needs met—without pushing your partner away.

Resources Mentioned:

• Free Guide: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication (www.drjessicahiggins.com)

• The Gottman Institute’s Research on Criticism & the “Four Horsemen”

• Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Register for the upcoming Bootcamp

Quote of the Episode:

“If I turn any complaint into a request or a reveal, I give my partner a chance to actually show up for me.” – Dr. Jessica Higgins

Perfect for listeners who:

·       Criticize out of habit—and want a better way to be heard

·       Struggle with jealousy, control, or emotional reactivity

·       Want to feel more seen and understood in their relationship

·       Are ready to break patterns that keep them disconnected

·       Are working to build secure, emotional

Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.


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