TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

Schedule your Discovery Call hereIn this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.💡 Key Moments:2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”❤️ Quote of the Episode:“Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.”🧠 Resources Mentioned:Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here✨ Perfect for listeners who:Break up and get back together on repeatFeel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationshipsWant to stop obsessing over every text or toneAre ready to make decisions from confidence, not fearAre tired of repeating the same emotional patterns🔥 Call to Action:If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern.🎧 Subscrib Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery CallIn this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry:“If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?”From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it.She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you.This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguiseHypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategyYour brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearnWithout jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life backThat confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting🔑 Key Moments:1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you?27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained41:00 – Create your own security protocol44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again💖 Perfect for listeners who:Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personalityReplay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for cluesWant to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peaceCrave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fear Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call hereIn this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships.From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings.Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz.This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions.Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too.Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them.Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change.Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower.🔑 Key Moments:2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires)10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data”🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned:30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.comCoaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners.Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep.🗣️ Quote of the Episode:“Every time you choose to be real instead of numb, you’re doing something really brave.” – Shanenn Bryant Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery CallIn this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different?Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity.If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be.🧠 Key Moments:2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting🧰 Resources & Mentions:The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirtingPower of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanation Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp starting soon!In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you.We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelming urge to process everything out loud—and why your friends might be reaching their limit. Shanenn dives into the neuroscience of emotional regulation, the critical role of co-regulation, and why being understood by someone who “gets it” can feel like a lifeline.You’ll learn why exhausting your friendships isn’t the answer—and how group support like Talk It Out Tuesday and the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp can offer real change, practical tools, and deep emotional relief.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Criticizing yourself for needing support only deepens the wound.Relationship insecurity is a nervous system issue, not a character flaw.Friends mean well—but they’re not therapists. Group support gets it.Shame thrives in secrecy. But when you share your story with people who truly understand, it loses its power.You are not "too much." You are not broken. You are human.⏱ Key Moments:1:30 – That late-night spiral we’ve all had—why your brain won’t let go6:00 – The neuroscience behind why we have to talk things out9:30 – Why your friends can't always be your emotional support system12:00 – How insecurity starts impacting all of your relationships15:50 – The invisible burnout your friends may be feeling17:40 – “You’re not broken”—the power of being truly understood20:00 – Why shame thrives in silence and how to break the cycle24:30 – Group support vs. going it alone: the real difference26:40 – How helping others with their insecurity reinforces your own healing28:30 – Group coaching isn’t exposure—it’s your power move👩‍🏫 Shanenn Says:"Insecurity is a terrible roommate. It never cleans up its mess and always leaves you drained."🧰 Resources Mentioned:Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – A six-week guided experience to rewire your nervous system and build relationship security. [Register here]Talk It Out Tuesday – Free group coaching calls inside the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group. Join now to get notified of upcoming sessions. Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down one of the most common communication traps in relationships: expecting your partner to read your mind.Whether you're silently hoping your partner just knows you need a hug—or you're dropping hints that never land—this episode is your guide to getting what you actually need without spiraling, snapping, or shutting down.From attachment styles to the six human needs, Shanenn explains why asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary—and gives you the exact words to use so your partner can finally show up for you.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:💬 “Asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary.”🧠 If you don’t say it, your partner is just guessing—and they’ll guess wrong.🔄 Every time you don’t ask, you reinforce the belief that your needs don’t matter.💥 Complaints like “you never text me” are often just unspoken needs for connection.💡 Hint-dropping leads to disappointment. Clear, direct asks lead to connection.⏰ Key Moments:1:30 – Why “If they loved me, they’d just know” is a romantic myth4:10 – How your partner’s brain is wired differently—and what that means for unmet needs6:45 – What each attachment style sounds like when trying to get their needs met10:15 – 3 hidden costs of not asking for what you want13:50 – Shanenn’s hilarious story about trying to “fix” her mom’s venting session17:10 – The 6 Human Needs and why your priorities may clash with your partner’s23:20 – What your complaint is really about—and how to find the core need26:30 – Simple scripts for clearly communicating your needs without guilt30:00 – Why unmet needs aren’t about being needy—they’re about being unclear🔗 Resources Mentioned:📝 Take the Attachment Style Quiz to better understand how you relate to love💬 Quote of the Episode:“Your needs are like GPS coordinates. Without them, your partner is just driving in circles—hoping to land at the right destination.”🎯 Perfect for listeners who:Struggle to ask for what they want without guiltDrop hints instead of expressing needs clearlyGet frustrated when their partner doesn’t “just know”Want to stop spiraling and start speaking with confidenceAre working to create more secure, emotionally honest relationships Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this powerful episode of Top Self, Shanenn Bryant delivers something your inner child may have never received: acknowledgment, validation, and the words you needed most. This episode is a gentle but honest space for anyone who grew up feeling unseen, unprotected, or responsible for everyone else’s emotions.Shanenn talks about how childhood trauma—whether loud or silent—gets stored in the body and shapes adult patterns. Through reflections on her own healing journey and a moving message written as a voice of apology from the caregiver you never had, this episode offers a path to release, reframe, and reclaim your power.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:“You’re not born with trauma—you inherit patterns through what you witnessed, heard, and experienced.”“It’s not about blame. It’s about the chain—and you might be the first brave one to break it.”“You don’t need their permission to heal. You just needed to be seen.”“This isn’t who you are—it’s who you became. And you can become something new.”“If you’ve been waiting for an apology, this is it.”🔑 Key Moments:1:45 – Trigger warning and who this episode is for3:00 – “This is not who you are—it’s who you became”5:20 – What trauma really is: the unseen, unfelt, unprocessed6:40 – It’s not about blame—it’s about breaking the chain9:15 – Generational trauma: how pain becomes parenting11:30 – The ACEs test and its lifelong impact14:00 – “You don’t need an apology to heal—but here’s one anyway”15:00–21:00 – A powerful reading of the apology you never received🛠️ Resources Mentioned:Episode 20: Interview with Candace Alley on the ACEs Test & TraumaACEs Test – Adverse Childhood ExperiencesLearn more about coaching and upcoming programs at Top Self website📌 Quote of the Episode:"You don’t need their permission to heal anymore. You just needed to be seen—to finally hear, ‘I’m sorry.’ And now you have." – Shanenn Bryant🎯 Perfect for Listeners Who:Grew up with emotional neglect, instability, or high expectationsFeel guilt around acknowledging childhood painWant to understand how trauma shows up in adult relationshipsAre learning to reparent themselves and break generational cyclesAre seeking healing without waiting for an apology that may never comeSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call TodayIn this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets deeply personal, sharing the origin of the podcast and a powerful realization about the hidden shame many people carry from their childhoods. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide how you grew up—because of addiction, dysfunction, or chaos—this episode is a must-listen.She shares the moment she realized she wasn’t alone in her struggles with jealousy and insecurity, and how our pasts—when left unspoken—can quietly sabotage our relationships and self-worth.This isn’t just about healing from jealousy. It’s about learning to release the shame of your story so you can show up as your full, authentic self.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Shame about your past doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—it means you’re human.You’re not alone in still being affected by how you grew up.Confidence begins where the old story ends.Letting go of shame starts with being honest—with yourself.You don’t owe your story to everyone, but you deserve not to carry it alone.🔑 Key Moments:1:00 – How the podcast was born from a talk on growing up with an alcoholic parent4:45 – The shift from “Jealousy Junkie” to “Top Self” and why that mattered6:30 – A listener’s message about struggling to make friends as an adult9:50 – Why hiding your past isn’t protecting you—it’s suffocating you13:00 – How your upbringing may still be impacting your self-worth and relationships16:00 – Shanenn’s personal journey of reconnecting with her father21:00 – The surprising story she’s not ashamed to tell—and what that reveals about internalized shame22:50 – A powerful reminder: you don’t owe anyone your story, but you do owe yourself relief🧠 Perfect for listeners who:Grew up in a chaotic, addicted, or dysfunctional environmentStill carry shame about their upbringing—even as successful adultsStruggle to be vulnerable or build close friendshipsWant to understand how childhood experiences shape adult relationshipsAre ready to rewrite the story they’ve been carrying📌 Resources Mentioned:Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Learn how to break free from insecurity, jealousy, and people-pleasing.[Link to register]Free Discovery Call with Shanenn – Coaching for women ready to stop hiding and start healing.[Link to schedule]🧭 Quote of the Episode:“You don’t owe your story to anyone. But you do owe yourself relief from the weight of hiding it.” Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Book your FREE Discovery CallEver started pulling away just when things got good? If calm, consistent love feels boring—or even threatening—you’re not broken. You’re human.In this episode, Shanenn explores why “safe” love can trigger your nervous system, especially if you grew up in chaos or experienced emotionally unpredictable relationships. You’ll learn:Why peace can feel like a red flag to a dysregulated nervous systemThe hidden link between chaos and connectionSubtle ways we sabotage healthy love without realizing itA powerful affirmation to ground yourself when you’re spiralingHow to begin rewiring your system to trust calm instead of rejecting itIf you’re ready to stop pushing away the love you crave, this episode is for you.💎 Golden Nugget: “Peace isn’t the problem. My pattern is.”Timestamps:1:15 – Why calm triggers fear in a chaos-wired nervous system3:00 – How your past relationships shaped your patterns6:30 – A real-life story (with a German Shepherd!) that explains stored trauma10:40 – Signs of self-sabotage when things feel “too good”12:50 – Tools to rewire your nervous system for trust15:40 – The mantra that can change everythingResources & Links:📄 Free Download: 5 Signs You’re Subconsciously Sabotaging📞 Book a Free Discovery Call with Shanenn🔗 Follow Shanenn on Instagram: @topselfcoLoved this episode? Leave a 5-star review—it helps others find healing too. 💚Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Book Your FREE Discovery Call With ShanennWatch on my Youtube Channel hereIn this episode of Top Self, Shanenn welcomes tapping expert Amy Vincze to explore how tapping can help release jealousy, insecurity, and emotional triggers. With over 17 years of experience, Amy shares how she went from skeptic to certified coach—using tapping to navigate personal trauma, anxiety, and even breast cancer recovery.This isn’t just theory. Amy walks listeners through the science of tapping, the emotional patterns that fuel insecurity, and a powerful guided tapping session to help you shift from emotional reactivity to grounded self-worth.If you’ve ever felt consumed by jealousy or struggled to manage emotional overwhelm in relationships, this episode is a must-listen.Golden Episode Nuggets:💎  You can’t heal what you’re afraid to feel💎  Jealousy and insecurity are symptoms—not the root problem💎  Tapping helps regulate the nervous system and release stored trauma💎  Emotional honesty is a gateway to confidence and connection💎  Healing is an inside job—and tapping gives you the tools to do itKey Moments:·       1:30 – Why most of us avoid uncomfortable emotions and why that’s a problem·       4:45 – Amy’s backstory with tapping and how trauma triggered transformation·       10:15 – How emotional energy gets trapped in the body·       14:30 – The neuroscience of tapping and what happens in the brain during a session·       20:00 – A full guided tapping session focused on jealousy and insecurity·       34:10 – The real goal of tapping (hint: it’s not to be positive all the time)·       38:00 – How to create your own tapping practice without overthinking itAbout Our Guest:Amy Vincze is the founder of SOAR with Tapping and a certified Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner. She combines energy therapy, cognitive techniques, and somatic work to help people process emotional triggers and build resilience. Her mission is to make tapping accessible for anyone ready to break emotional patterns and reclaim their peace.Resources Mentioned:SOAR with Tapping by Amy Vincze:  Quote of the Episode:“You can’t release what you refuse to feel—and tapping helps you face it with compassion.” – Amy VinczePerfect for listeners who:·       Feel consumed by jealousy or insecurity in their relationships·       Want a practical way to manage emotional triggers·       Are curious about tapping but unsure where to start·       Are tired of suppressing uncomfortable emotions·       Are ready to reclaim peace and self-worth on their healing journey Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.