TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a mental loop, replaying conversations, spiraling into insecurity, or feeling something is wrong but you can’t quite name it—this episode is for you.In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Annette Furio, founder of Season Journals, to talk about how journaling can help you slow down, make sense of your thoughts, and create space between what you feel and how you react.f your brain feels loud or stuck, this episode is about giving those thoughts somewhere to go so you can think more clearly.Together, Shanenn and Annette break down why your brain gets stuck on repeat, how journaling helps close mental loops, and how even five minutes can shift your clarity, emotional regulation, and self-awareness.Golden Episode Nuggets💎 Your brain keeps looping because thoughts feel unfinished 💎 Writing forces your mind to slow down and complete thoughts 💎 Journaling creates space between emotion and reaction 💎 You don’t need consistency—you need permission to start 💎 Gratitude journaling is one of the fastest ways to shift your mindsetKey Moments· 2:00 – Why unfinished thoughts keep looping in your mind· 4:00 – How writing slows your brain and creates emotional space· 6:30 – Why journaling doesn’t have to be daily to work· 9:30 – How journaling helps you spot patterns in jealousy and insecurity· 12:00 – Looking back at old entries to see growth (or stuck points)· 20:45 – The easiest way to journal when you only have five minutes· 24:00 – Why journaling should never feel like another choreAbout Our GuestAnnette Furio is the founder of Season Journals, a brand focused on helping people strengthen their relationship with themselves and others through intentional journaling. Since launching in 2020, Annette has created guided journals for major life seasons—including engagement, marriage, pregnancy, and everyday wellbeing.Her journals are designed to be both keepsakes and tools, helping people document their lives while also working through challenges with clarity and intention.Resources MentionedSeason Journals – Guided Journals for Life’s Seasons Available at seasonjournals.com and on AmazonQuote of the Episode“Journaling puts space between what you feel and how you respond.” – Annette FurioSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down a question so many people quietly struggle with—especially this time of year:Why do I feel calm and trusting with my partner sometimes… and anxious, suspicious, or insecure with them at other times—when nothing has actually changed?As the holidays approach and routines shift, old patterns can resurface. Shanenn explains why these emotional swings don’t mean you’re inconsistent, broken, or ignoring red flags. Instead, they’re signals from your nervous system responding to changing conditions—not changing relationship facts.This episode offers a powerful reframe that removes shame, self-blame, and overthinking—and replaces them with clarity, self-trust, and nervous-system awareness so you can stop turning emotions into verdicts about your relationship.Key Moments:1:45 – Why the holidays can make anxiety spike even in “good” relationships3:50 – The core truth: calm and anxiety come from your nervous system, not your partner6:40 – Why feeling calm doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or fixed9:00 – What’s really happening when you start scanning, spiraling, or overthinking11:30 – Why emotions are signals of state—not proof of truth13:45 – The shift that helps anxiety soften without controlling your environmentGolden Episode Nuggets:💎 Calm and anxiety can exist in the same relationship without either one being “the truth”💎 You didn’t lose trust—you lost nervous system capacity💎 Emotional states are signals, not verdicts about your relationship💎 Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your partner💎 Regulation comes from working with your nervous system, not fighting itQuote of the Episode:“Your ability to feel calm, trusting, and connected isn’t created by the person in front of you. It’s created by the state your nervous system is in.”Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions.If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface.Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility—the ability to feel deeply without losing yourself—and explains why trust, confidence, and security aren’t built by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to stay present with them. This episode offers practical tools to help you stop spiraling, rebuild self-trust, and respond instead of react Golden Episode Nuggets💎 Your reactions aren’t random—your nervous system is trying to protect you 💎 Feeling deeply is capacity, not a weakness 💎 Trust is built through experience, not reassurance 💎 Naming sensations instead of emotions creates emotional power 💎 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger—nothing has gone wrong 💎 Staying with a feeling builds confidence one moment at a timeKey Moments2:30 – A relatable story about reacting “bigger than the moment”4:20 – Why your body reacts before your brain can catch up7:45 – What emotional agility actually means (and what it’s not)9:00 – Why trust isn’t about your partner—it’s about you12:10 – The truth about “feeling too much”16:30 – Why resilience isn’t toughness or pushing through18:20 – One simple shift that gives you power over emotional spirals20:30 – Four practical ways to stop getting hijacked by your emotions24:20 – Reflection questions to build self-trust in real timeSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connection.Trevor shares his raw personal story—from toxic relationships and a broken jaw to leaving a high-powered career at Tesla—and the powerful tools he discovered to move from fear to security. This is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of over-functioning, people pleasing, or "proving" their worth in love.IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN:Why awareness alone won't heal your insecure attachmentHow childhood experiences can create a "love gap" that fuels jealousyWhat emotional reprogramming looks like in practiceWhy inner child work isn't woo-woo—it's essentialA powerful shift from controlling to compassionately curious in relationshipsGOLDEN NUGGETS:You’re not too much. It’s the behavior that needs support, not your worth.Anxious attachment is just a part of you—not all of you.You can turn your jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection.Emotional healing > intellectual awareness.When you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop fearing abandonment.GUEST BIO: Trevor Hansen is a relationship coach and the founder of The Art of Healing. After navigating his own journey through anxious attachment and emotional wounding, he now helps individuals break the cycle of fear-based relationships and build secure emotional foundations. His Secure Self Club is transforming lives by helping clients go from insecure to grounded in just months.QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You're no longer a problem to be solved, but a person to be loved."PERFECT FOR LISTENERS WHO...Feel shame around their jealousy or emotional needsStruggle with anxious or insecure attachment stylesWant to stop overthinking and start feeling secure in loveAre tired of outsourcing their peace and self-worthCrave emotional safety, clarity, and confidence in their relationshipsLoved this episode? Be sure to leave a review and share how you're starting to show up for your inner child.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

🦋   Join the experience - enroll in 30 Days to Different today!In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again.Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do: keep you safe.This solo episode unpacks the psychology behind jealousy, why it’s not sabotage but stabilization, and how to trade unhealthy patterns for new, empowering ones—without shaming the old you who just wanted to feel safe.Oh, and there’s a German shepherd, a deer, some stargazing, and one mood-ruining poop. You’ve been warned.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Jealousy isn’t sabotage—it’s a stabilizer your nervous system picked to survive painYou don’t need to feel ashamed of your coping strategies—they were genius solutions for impossible circumstancesYou can teach your body new patterns—because you’ve done it beforeThe most powerful shift isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What was my system trying to protect me from?”New stabilizers aren’t about perfection—they’re about choosing different🗝️ Key Moments:1:10 – Why repeating patterns doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your body is succeeding at survival3:40 – What stabilizers are and how they show up as jealousy, control, or overeating6:20 – Why we don’t pick yoga or the gym as coping tools (hint: your nervous system doesn’t give a damn about kale)13:20 – How the jealousy loop works and why it feels so hard to break17:30 – You’re not controlling—you’re a genius at creating predictability25:00 – The dog poop that ruined a magical moment (and why it matters)27:00 – What it looks like to pick new, healthy stabilizers and stop suffering silently28:50 – Introducing: 30 Days to Different, the transformative new experience to rewire your relationship patterns from the inside out🔥 Want to Go Deeper?30 Days to Different is officially open for enrollment! If you’re ready to ditch the spiral and actually rewire the patterns of jealousy, this is your moment. ✔ Daily mindset rewires ✔ 6 live Zoom sessions ✔ Nervous system & neuroscience-based tools 🔗 Join now: TopSelf.com or scroll down to the show notes to click the link!🎧 Perfect for Listeners Who:Feel ashamed or guilty about their jealousy or control habitsWant to understand why they keep reacting the same wayAre ready to replace old patterns with better onesNeed real talk, not perfection talkWant to feel safe instead of just “calm”💬 QuotSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your Discovery Call hereIn this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.💡 Key Moments:2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”❤️ Quote of the Episode:“Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.”🧠 Resources Mentioned:Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here✨ Perfect for listeners who:Break up and get back together on repeatFeel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationshipsWant to stop obsessing over every text or toneAre ready to make decisions from confidence, not fearAre tired of repeating the same emotional patterns🔥 Call to Action:If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern.🎧 Subscribe, leaSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery CallIn this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry:“If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?”From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it.She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you.This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguiseHypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategyYour brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearnWithout jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life backThat confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting🔑 Key Moments:1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you?27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained41:00 – Create your own security protocol44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again💖 Perfect for listeners who:Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personalityReplay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for cluesWant to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peaceCrave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fearSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call hereIn this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships.From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings.Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz.This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions.Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too.Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them.Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change.Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower.🔑 Key Moments:2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires)10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data”🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned:30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.comCoaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners.Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep.🗣️ Quote of the Episode:“Every time you choose to be real instead of numb, you’re doing something really brave.” – Shanenn BryantSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Schedule your FREE Discovery CallIn this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different?Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity.If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be.🧠 Key Moments:2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting🧰 Resources & Mentions:The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirtingPower of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanationSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp starting soon!In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you.We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelming urge to process everything out loud—and why your friends might be reaching their limit. Shanenn dives into the neuroscience of emotional regulation, the critical role of co-regulation, and why being understood by someone who “gets it” can feel like a lifeline.You’ll learn why exhausting your friendships isn’t the answer—and how group support like Talk It Out Tuesday and the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp can offer real change, practical tools, and deep emotional relief.💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Criticizing yourself for needing support only deepens the wound.Relationship insecurity is a nervous system issue, not a character flaw.Friends mean well—but they’re not therapists. Group support gets it.Shame thrives in secrecy. But when you share your story with people who truly understand, it loses its power.You are not "too much." You are not broken. You are human.⏱ Key Moments:1:30 – That late-night spiral we’ve all had—why your brain won’t let go6:00 – The neuroscience behind why we have to talk things out9:30 – Why your friends can't always be your emotional support system12:00 – How insecurity starts impacting all of your relationships15:50 – The invisible burnout your friends may be feeling17:40 – “You’re not broken”—the power of being truly understood20:00 – Why shame thrives in silence and how to break the cycle24:30 – Group support vs. going it alone: the real difference26:40 – How helping others with their insecurity reinforces your own healing28:30 – Group coaching isn’t exposure—it’s your power move👩‍🏫 Shanenn Says:"Insecurity is a terrible roommate. It never cleans up its mess and always leaves you drained."🧰 Resources Mentioned:Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – A six-week guided experience to rewire your nervous system and build relationship security. [Register here]Talk It Out Tuesday – Free group coaching calls inside the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group. Join now to get notified of upcoming sessions.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.