TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

Our obsessions seem so magnified, so big and out of control and we let that become "who" and "what" we think we are.Because we're so focused on our jealousy, we begin to believe it's the only thing we bring to a relationship; insecurity and jealousy. Have you ever considered accepting that jealousy and knowing that it's just a part of you.  It's not all of you. I even guide you to pick the jealous part of you.I along with many others will be a guest speaker at the Healing Family Trauma FREE virtual event.  Grab your seat hereSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Have you ever been more curious than you should be about your partner’s past lovers? Where one question about their past turned into five, which turned into ten, then felt that very uncomfortable pang of jealousy? This type of jealousy is called retroactive jealousy. One of the more insidious types of jealousy because it is referring to the past, which no one can undo. Retroactive jealousy can not only ruin an otherwise healthy relationship, it can also be detrimental to your mental health going forward. So on today’s episode, we have invited retroactive jealousy expert Zachary Stockill to fill us in on everything we need to know about this type of jealousy. Zachary Stockill is the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy, The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook and The Breakup Recovery Workbook. He is also a podcaster and educator creating programs around raising awareness and educating people about retroactive jealousy, and has founded www.retroactivejealousy.com. Needless to say, he is the ultimate expert in this field and he wants to share his knowledge with all of you.In this episode you will learn about what retroactive jealousy is, how to identify if you are suffering from retroactive jealousy, actionable tips on how to remedy retroactive jealousy, and practical tools to help create a healthy dynamic in your relationship when feeling retroactive jealousy, and much more!This episode is packed with juicy knowledge and advice, so you don’t want to miss this one!Topics discussed in this episode:What is retroactive jealousy?How Zachary discovered retroactive jealousyWhy retroactive jealousy isn’t reserved for straight white menThe shame around retroactive jealousyHow retroactive jealousy can come off as normalThe myth around jealousyWhen is walking away the right choice?Honoring your higher self vs. your egoAdvice for those who are aroused by a partner’s sexual pastThe Madonna-Whore Complex in Freudian psychologyWhat to expect from Zachary’s program Get Over Your Partner's Past FastActionable tips for anyone suffering from retroactive jealousyTools on how to trust your partner’s desire for youHow to learn about your partner’s past in a safe and healthy wayLast piece of advice for retroactive jealousy sufferersConnect with Zachary Stockill by visiting his website https://www.retroactivejealousy.com/Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Did you know you're being rude when you shrug off a compliment?  After blowing off a compliment my husband gave me, he asked "Why can't you just absorb a compliment"?  That made me wonder... why can't I?  What's behind that?  What I learned was much more than I expected and realized we're actually being rude when we don't respond appropriately to a compliment.I also have a challenge for you and give you some science behind why it's hard to give compliments and why you should practice absorbing and believing the compliment you're being given.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Recently, my husband and I traveled to Costa Rica for a conference.  We stayed in a beautiful hotel overlooking the beach and had a ton of fun experiences BUT day 4 would send me into a tailspin I haven't been in for a very, very long time.In today's episode, I'm sharing lessons learned and why my mini meltdown is important to you.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

You learn so much in childhood.  How to walk, how to talk, how to do multiplication and division.Unfortuantely, for some though, you also learn to be fearful, to not trust.  We learn not to get too happy because any minute, the other shoe will fall.Today's guest, Reneau Peurifoy, author of 4 different books on anxiety, anger, and emotions, shares his knowledge from over 20 years as an MFT working with anxiety and other related disorders, shares why although not healthy, dysfunction can feel really comfortable to you.In this episode, we discussed:Why you unconsciously seek unhealthy partnersHow jealous people have a lot of should/must rules that keeps reality foggy4 questions to ask yourself to start to tame your jealousWhat the treatment of EMDR is all about and how it works to begin desensitizing childhood traumaTips for how to move to a place of feeling comfortable without all the dramaConnect with Reneau at whyemotionsSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Trauma leaves a chemical mark on a persons genes that is passed down to the next generation according to today's guest Dr. Galit Atlas.  It's about family secrets and the secrets we keep from ourselves that also keep us from living to our full potential. Dr. Atlas is a psychoanalyst exploring the unconscious of her patients and shares how the emotional inheritance and the legacy of trauma is passed down from generation to generation in her book titled Emotional Inheritance:  A Therapist, Her Patients, and the Legacy of Trauma.In this episode, we discuss how therapy is like detective work and it comes down to uncovering the gap between what people want to have and what they can toleration having.She shares that the trauma healing process starts with the decision to search and to be curious.            •          What do I not know about myself?            •          What can I not emotionally handle?            •          Why does the gap between what I want and what I can tolerate exist?It is also important to treat defenses with respect and if you are not ready to do the healing work that is ok.  It is also acceptable to feel upset that we have to do the work of the past traumatized (our parents or our grandparents) because they were perhaps not strong enough.  Dr. Atlas says if we are only aware of what we want to have (a relationship, a career, money etc.) but we're not fully aware of what it is that doesn't allow us to have what we want... that is more powerful than what we want".The book, Emotional Inheritance is a must read but give yourself some recovery time and know it can be triggering.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In today's quick dump episode, I share 5 statements I decided to stop making to my partner that changed the dynamic of our relationship.Most of the time, you don't even realize how the words you choose can come across.  Even when you feel like you're being really clear or you mean what you're saying in the moment, these 5 statements are usually a signal to disaster.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Did you know that toxic stress decreases the size and impairs the function of different regions of the brain that are actually responsible for our learning, our executive functioning, our memory ?Candace Alley, a five time internationally certified coach and the founder and CEO of Trauma Resource Network shares that: trauma is not a particular event, but rather how the brain processes that event every persons healing journey is as individual and unique as your fingerprintstrauma doesn't mean that you're broken or that you've done anything wrong. rather, it's a very normal response to an abnormal situationthose who score a 4 or higher on the ACES test stand a far greater chance of struggling with mental health issues and or some form of addiction in their lifetimeconsistent practice and dedication is key to healing Available resources:988 - for those dealing with mental health crisis (In the United States)211 - provides local resourcesTake the ACEs TestConnect with Candace via her website, on Facebook, or Instagram Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

One of the reasons it took me so long to overcome my jealousy is because I kept getting stuck or there would be long periods of time I wasn't working to improve it.I started to notice a pattern of these times and today I am sharing 3 things that could be slowing down your progress of becoming more confident and overcoming jealousy in your relationship.Here are the 3a makeupa breakupa hiccupbut I dive deep into each one and give you some examples I experienced so you know what to look out for.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Did you know when your brain is operating under duress, all of the "parts" are not coordinating which can ramp up your jealous mind.Our brains have a negative bias because it wants to save us.  It wants to keep us safe from danger.  But overload causes the brain to get out of symphony.Leader in the field of stress mastery, Dr. Cindi Ackrill shares what stress and comparison does to your brain and the intersection between how grounded you are and when you start to compare.Cindi also shares:how your brain loves to create meaning out of things and how to check-in and question that meaninghow a stressed brain will keep you in automatic thinking and in our same patterns which can keep you in the jealousy loo.what it means to be stress smart, stress strong and stress wiseSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.