Conversations with Dr. Jennifer
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a sex and relationship expert who has been interviewed for hundreds of podcasts–and now you can access all the amazing content covering issues of faith, sexuality, integrity, belonging, and more right here on the interview archive!
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals and couples create greater connection and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.
In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly-reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person.
The advice offered through any and all podcasts in which she is featured is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals and couples create greater connection and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.
In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly-reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person.
The advice offered through any and all podcasts in which she is featured is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.
Episodes
Mentioned books
8 snips
Sep 26, 2023 • 1h 14min
The Challenge of Pornography in Marriage
In this recent Facebook Live, Zach and Darcy Spafford of the Thrive Beyond Pornography podcast joined Dr. Finlayson-Fife to share their personal experience working through unwanted pornography use in their marriage and how after years of feeling stuck and frustrated, they were able to shift gears and make meaningful, lasting progress in their relationship to pornography and their relationship to each other.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
Self-authoring and the importance of claiming your life and choices
The problem with compliance/defiance framing
Role-based marriage vs choice-based marriage
Eroticism in marriage
Approaching difficult conversations with curiosity
A recording of this conversation is also available on our YouTube channel.
Aug 29, 2023 • 1h 3min
Modesty From the Inside Out
Our bodies and our ability to experience love and joy through them are loving gifts from a loving God.
Sometimes we teach important principles like modesty and chastity in ways that promote an entirely different idea–in ways that imply that our bodies and sexuality are burdens to be overcome and obstacles to our spirituality.
It can also be tempting to overcorrect for this body-shaming stance and see modesty as simply an effort to suppress sexuality and dignity (of women, in particular).
Both of these extremes are simple-minded and unhelpful. A truer understanding of modesty takes into account the value of moderation, self-respect, and how these are related to our choices.
In this NEW podcast episode, I join Aubrey and Tim Chaves from the Faith Matters podcast to talk about modesty and how we can relate to and cherish our bodies so as to experience deeply embodied joy through them.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
Problematic understandings of modesty
Why modesty is such a culturally charged topic
Sexual self-mastery
Healthy ways to talk to youth about modesty and sexuality
Stages of moral development
The gift of sexual conservatism
Aug 15, 2023 • 44min
Three's a Crowd [Triangulation in Relationships]
Triangulation in relationships is discussed in this podcast, exploring how it brings stability but can also be unhealthy. The negative impact of triangulation on children and marriages is explored, along with the roles parents can take on in triangulated relationships. The podcast also delves into recognizing and addressing anxieties in children, dysfunctional relationship dynamics, the effects of triangulation on sexual experiences and relationships, and the impact of psychological enmeshment on intimacy and desire.
Aug 1, 2023 • 38min
Divorce and Differentiation
When a marriage crumbles, we see a life we once hoped for crumble along with it.
It’s a crisis in every sense. And crises hurt. They are disorganizing and challenge our sense of who we are.
But, as painful as crisis is, we can use it to grow. When our current understanding of ourselves or others crumbles, we can use the pain to grow into more wisdom and a more solid self.
In this NEW podcast episode [“Differentiation and Divorce”], Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Hyo North of the Leading With Grace podcast to talk about how differentiation can help those working through the complexities of separation or divorce navigate forward with wisdom and maturity.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
* Separation and divorce
* Collusive alliances and how they keep us stuck
* Differentiation as it relates to divorce
* Forgiveness
* Forging capacity in the face of crisis
18 snips
Jul 26, 2023 • 37min
What to Do When Your Spouse Hates Sex
It’s one thing to learn about differentiation and emotional maturity, but it’s another thing entirely to actually live it.
Stepping into the deep anxiety and uncertainty of defining a self that others may not validate is a terrifying prospect, but it’s what must be done for people and relationships to evolve and grow.
In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk through two listener questions about desire dynamics and how to navigate the painful reality of having a spouse who is not interested in creating a better sexual relationship.
During this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife expertly models how the higher desire partner can maturely handle themselves in difficult and productive conversations about sexuality.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
-Desire Dynamics
-Duty Sex
-Differentiation
-Emotional and Sexual Maturity
If you found this episode helpful, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Course. This course was designed to help couples better understand and navigate the challenges in their intimate relationship.
Jul 11, 2023 • 1h 5min
Authenticity and Self-Acceptance: A Discussion with Lift + Love
When being true to ourselves jeopardizes belonging to our group, it can be tempting to live falsely in an attempt to keep others happy with us. Yet we cannot be at peace when we chronically mask who we really are.
All of us are caught in some amount of tension between who we are and the expectations imposed upon us by our social groups. But those who are sexually diverse can face a much larger disparity between group norms and their personal reality, which can present unique and painful challenges.
In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Sadi Rogers of Lift + Love to discuss the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saints and the opportunity in the struggle to forge deeper self-acceptance and sustaining inner strength.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
Healthy ways to address the discrepancy between societal norms and divergent realities
Finding peace in painful circumstances
How love is the pathway to truth
How to communicate effectively with those who believe differently
Stages of spiritual development
Navigating mixed-orientation marriages
Grief and loss as inherent to life
The silver lining that comes from not fitting the mold of a group
Jul 4, 2023 • 34min
Trouble at Bayside: An Unexpected Disclosure || Room for Two Teaser
Zack and Kelly’s marriage has been a relatively untroubled one.
That is until last year, when Zack disclosed to Kelly that he had been viewing pornography off and on since childhood. Kelly’s distress from the disclosure came not so much because Zack had been viewing porn, but because he had managed to keep this from her despite her having asked him explicitly about it over the years. Learning that he was capable of deceiving her in this way was completely and understandably disorganizing for Kelly.
A year into it, they now see clearly that their previously cordial relationship was actually the result of a lot of validation-seeking, masking, and caretaking. Their relationship post-disclosure has been much more tumultuous–with higher highs and lower lows than they could have previously imagined.
In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Zack and Kelly to get a better understanding of their history and helps them see how their upbringing has impacted their past and current marital dynamic.
Be sure to subscribe to Room for Two TODAY to listen to the full episode!
11 snips
Jun 20, 2023 • 35min
Overcoming Sexual Struggles In Marriage
Intimacy is difficult.
Most of us have no problem sharing a curated version of ourselves with our spouse—carefully selected parts that we know will be accepted, valued, and appreciated. But real intimacy requires much more than that. Real intimacy means we share the not-so-loveable parts of ourselves– all the good along with the flaws and imperfections.
Marriage is a remarkable, growth-promoting commitment—because who we are, including our limited ability to love another, is reflected back to us through our spouse. And this isn’t usually comfortable. But, when we stay open to the truths that our marriage exposes, we can expand our capacity to love as well as our ability to be open and intimate with another.
In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast to discuss how couples can work through conflict and develop a greater capacity for both sexual and emotional intimacy.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
-Reframing the way you think about marital conflict
-Working through sexual desire differences
-The important distinction between seeking love and being loving
-Important findings from Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s dissertation research
-Perfectionism
-The connection between truth and joy
-Important keys to creating a stronger marital connection
9 snips
May 30, 2023 • 45min
Building Better Relationships
Has your relationship lost its spark?
When we take ourselves too seriously, we can snuff out the playful eros energy that keeps relationships vibrant and alive.
After all, the happiest marriages thrive, rather than just survive. They are joyful because each person feels free to fully be themselves—without the need to pretend or contort themselves to earn approval.
Making room for two people to be true to themselves and the relationship is where the real magic happens.
I recently met with Dr. Jerry and Tammie Duggar of the Simple 7 Lifestyle Podcast to discuss how couples can find more happiness and a deeper sense of freedom in their relationships, and how the quality of our relationships impacts both our mental and physical health.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
Honesty
Conflict
Self-Trust
Anxiety Tolerance
Eros Energy and its relationship to relational joy
** Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!**
May 23, 2023 • 54min
Sexual Integrity for Singles
It’s very tempting to look to others to tell us how to live–to gauge our success by how well we live up to others’ expectations and to measure our value by the approval of others.
There is a time for thinking this way; it’s how we all start out—dependent on others to tell us how to live. But, if we want to mature and grow into greater personal responsibility and wisdom, we must be willing to author our own lives.
It’s what maturity requires.
It means having the courage to take our own ideas and the ideas of others and really evaluate them. To determine for ourselves if ideas are good and truthful, and then to align our choices with what we ourselves genuinely believe is best.
Forging a deeper internal reference is critical if we want to be at peace with ourselves and if we want to be capable of intimacy, of letting someone truly know who we are.
I recently joined Oliver and Lindsey of the Singled In Podcast for a conversation about the exceptional power of choice and its relationship to self-authoring, especially as it relates to being at peace with our sexuality.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
-Shifting from an external to an internal moral compass
- Psychological maturation
-Self-authoring and self-determination
-The power of CHOICE
-How relationships pressure growth
-Sexual integration for singles
