Three's a Crowd [Triangulation in Relationships]

Triangulation–is a concept you’re likely familiar with, even if you’re not familiar with the term.

If you’ve ever been frustrated with your spouse and turned to a friend to complain, you’ve triangulated.

Triangulation is our attempt to bring stability to perceived instability in a relationship. As any new cyclist can attest–three wheels are much more stable than two. And relationships aren’t all that different. Dyads (relationships of two) are inherently unstable, and when that instability makes us anxious (as it often does), we can feel the pull to turn to someone outside of the relationship to diffuse our anxiety.

Triangles aren’t always a bad thing–seeking wise input from a therapist or thoughtful friend can help you see yourself in your relationship more clearly.  You can use that insight to bring more stability to the dyad through your own growth. But, there are plenty of unhealthy types of triangles as well (affairs, finding validation from family or friends) and when we turn to those (usually in an effort to justify our own immature behavior) we prevent ourselves and our relationships from growing in important ways.

In this NEW podcast episode, I join Heather Frazier of the Pivot Parenting Podcast to talk about triangulation in families and the negative impact that triangulation has on our children and our marriages.

Listen to the full episode to learn:

* What triangulation is and why it is so tempting

* The three classic roles in triangled relationships—victim, perpetrator, and rescuer (and how we toggle between roles at different times)

* How to distinguish between healthy triangles and unhealthy ones

* How triangulation is related to codependency

* How to break the pattern of triangulation when it’s undermining your relationships

In this episode, Heather mentions how much she loves the Room for Two Podcast--you can learn more about Room for Two (and start your subscription) HERE.